FDA Chapter 3. Running Over

Give, and it will be given to you.

They will pour into your lap a good measure—

pressed down, shaken together, and running over.

For by your standard of measure

it will be measured to you in return.

—Luke 6:38

 

Responding Enthusiastically

One of the most powerful and freeing attitudes that God worked into my spirit this time during my divorce was to respond “enthusiastically” to everything my husband said when he wanted to “talk” to me. Compare this to the first time my husband divorced me— the first time I only had the faith to timidly “agree,” and the agreement was coupled with pain, doubt, worry, and much “follow up” prayer once I did agree!

Beloved, this is not the abundant life Jesus died to give us—it is instead the burden that we were never intended to carry! The first time, instead of trusting in the Lord that all would work out for my good (Romans 8:28), that the Lord longed to be gracious to me (Isaiah 30:18), and was actually “waiting” to show Himself strong on my behalf (2 Chronicles 16:9), I would instead spend my time mulling over the consequences of what was being presented or asked of me, which brought about such a heavy burden that I struggled to survive.

What changed? Not the situation. This time around, the attack was much quicker; the demands much greater, the loss would be much more substantial, and the scandal far greater. The difference was in me. I had gained more faith through reading the testimonies submitted to the ministry, I had developed more spiritual strength from walking in obedience, and I was now full of the Holy Spirit, but most importantly, I had a closer and more intimate relationship with the Lord. He was my Husband now, and because of this intimacy, the Lord would continually show me what was “up ahead” so that I would not be caught off guard.

“Ask Me about the things to come…” (Isa. 45:11). “Your ears will hear a word behind you, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’ whenever you turn to the right or to the left” (Isaiah 30:21).

All of these advantages, dear reader, are available to you! This book, and everything the RMI ministry offers will help you learn how to hear and follow the Lord. The key, and what is the most important, is your one-on-one time spent with the Lord. He will give you the ability to not just make it through, but help you to prosper, to be blessed, and most importantly to have JOY that enables you to enjoy, not just endure the journey! This may sound impossible to you; I know that had I read this the first time around, I would have thought so too. But it is well within every believer’s reach!

“Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am” (Phil. 4:1). “. . . being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, ‘I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you’” (Heb. 13:5). “But godliness is actually a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment” (1 Tim. 6:6).

When my husband came in to “talk” to me, he said, “I am on my way out the door to speak to an attorney. I am going to divorce you and I plan to find someone else to marry.” My response surprised us both, “Oh, okay, I understand,” and I smiled!

Because my response was not one of fear, shock, or horror, he was sure that he had not said it clearly enough, so he said it again, and with much more intensity. So, dear reader, if you choose to respond graciously (as you trust the Lord and refuse to stand in the path of the wicked), you need to be prepared for more attacks. The heat will be turned up each and every time your spouse states he/she is leaving you, and he/she will begin to include why. But, praise God, my heart had been “hidden in the Lord” for many weeks.

God actually had been preparing me for this moment for almost a year (though I didn’t know or suspect it). And believe it or not, He has been preparing you, too, even though you were not aware of it either.

God promises that the righteous will not be shaken. “Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken” (Ps. 55:22). This is His promise to you and me. Therefore, He does His best to show you what is up ahead, and also begins to draw you closer to Him so you will be ready. Right now, in the midst of this mess and this trial, ladies, He is wooing you, and alluring you to come to Him and be His bride. For you gentlemen, He is also there to support and strengthen you.

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness, and speak kindly to her” (Hos. 2:14).

In my situation, the Lord began showing me while reading my Bible every morning that my husband would “be gone.” He didn’t tell me how or why, just that he would not be there. It kept coming up in so many verses that He would lead me to read every day.

The Lord also began to plant in my heart that the only One I wanted, and the only One I needed was Him! I would say it over, and over, and over again all day—“Lord, you are all I want and all that I need” especially when I laid down at night to go to sleep, and every morning when I woke up. As “evil plans” were “stirring” in the mind of my husband to leave me for another woman, the Lord began to draw me nearer to Him so that I would be safe.

“Keep me as the apple of the eye; hide me in the shadow of Your wings” (Ps. 17:8).

The Lord may have been trying to get your attention before your spouse mentioned divorce or before you found out about the other woman or man in your spouse’s life. If all of this has taken place, and it has left you shaken, it is not too late to begin to be sensitive to the Lord, and the leading of the Holy Spirit. It simply takes making time with Him through: prayer, time in your prayer closet, reading His Word, lots of time thanking and praising Him, but most importantly, just sitting quietly in His presence and feeling His love for you.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness” (Jer. 31:3).

Prayer is just talking to God about everything you would normally tell your closest friend. If Jesus is to be first in our lives, He needs to be our very best friend, and He needs to be the One you and I run to when we need to talk and we need comfort or assurance. Jesus is always excited (even though He already knows what you are going to say) to hear from you, and He is always faithful to help you feel better. When you tell Him about a traumatic or painful thing that has just happened to you—He truly will be Someone who will stick closer than a brother and comfort you more than a mother!

Abuse

And let me pause a moment to say this, most women who face divorce, and/or adultery, abandonment, etc., also experience many forms of abuse from their husbands. Verbal abuse usually precedes physical abuse. By never opening your mouth in your defense, or worse, by fighting back (or starting an argument) with cruel or cutting words (especially words that humiliate or attack the character of your spouse) or physically throwing the first punch, you can basically stop all physical violence that may be coming at you now. However, be prepared—the verbal abuse will probably continue.

The remedy to verbal abuse, and when your husband comes in to have a “talk” with you with words that are terrifying and often shocking, is that you need to first keep your mouth closed and just listen to the Lord who will speak kindly to you in a still small voice. This means no comments, and no questions to what your husband tells you! Let your husband do all the talking. When he is done, just agree—it’s that simple.

This goes for you men too. Just agree!!

What? No comments, but what if I don’t agree?

Let’s be honest, nothing you say will change anything your spouse has in his/her mind, right? Every spouse who comes to the place of wanting to leave, and file for divorce, has made up his/her mind. And, by trying to stop him/her you will only increase their passion to complete what he/she has in their mind to do.

“Do not be in a hurry to leave him. Do not join in an evil matter, for he will do whatever he pleases” (Eccl. 8:3).

And as far as the questions you have—honestly, no questions you ask will ever give you the answers you are looking for! Instead it will result in much more pain, confusion, and every other negative emotion that you don’t need to deal with on top of everything else he/she has already said or done.

“The mind of man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps” (Prov. 16:9).

You’re right, what he/she said, the reasons he/she states make no sense­—but that it the way of someone caught in adultery.

“With her many persuasions she entices him; with her flattering lips she seduces him. Suddenly he follows her
 as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as one in fetters to the discipline of a fool, until an arrow pierces through his liver; as a bird hastens to the snare, So he does not know that it will cost him his life” (Prov. 7:21–23).

“The mouth of an adulteress is a deep pit; he who is cursed of the LORD will fall into it” (Prov. 22:14).

Oh, and just as you read in Lydia’s testimony, don’t make the mistake of quoting Scriptures (like the one you just read) to your spouse. It will only make him/her angrier and more determined to get as far away from you and GOD as he/she can!!

Most men leave due to falling into the pit of adultery. The first time I knew it right away (I caught him in the act) and yet he denied it. The second time he again told me that he was leaving “to find another woman to marry” but then, later, confessed (due to the proof that began to be revealed) that he was again involved, which was why he so boldly and quickly divorced me—to marry her.

If you are not aware of another woman your husband may be involved with, don’t try to find out. This is God’s way of protecting you. If this is what is going on, in His good time, He will ease you into all truth. However, if you choose to snoop, suspect, or confront your husband, you are in for horrendous pain that has the potential to haunt you for years! Knowing what is going on is not God’s plan, but it is the enemy’s plan to destroy you. Please trust the Lord, and me, by keeping your eyes on the Lord. You are not being naïve or stupid, you are acting in a wise and gracious manner befitting for a child of God.

The reason many women leave their husbands is due to fear and/or feeling unloved. Women are NOT what the media has convinced you, and you are a fool if you believe it. A woman who feels unloved will leave looking for love. Men and women are different, so cast down the lies you have fed on probably all of your life.

The Bible tells men, in this verse, how they have messed up:

“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Pet. 3:7).  Each time you treat her hard and harshly you are destroying her and her love for you! Women were given an internal desire for her husband… “Yet your desire will be for your husband” (Genesis 3:16).

But most men foolishly fail to live with their wives in an “understanding way” honoring her, and treating her as the weaker vessel she is, has pushed his wife out of his live, and often into the arms of another man.

Understanding “way” does not mean that you need to understand how she thinks and feels, but in a way where you are mature enough to listen, not suggest or question, or worse, tell her what to do since women just need someone who will listen to how she feels.