Day 2 Securing Your Success 2:
"Worst Case Scenario"
but first 2 Amazing Testimonies
Grateful to the Lord!
After what started out as a horrible day, the Lord has ended it with what I can only describe as the best day of my life!
I had to go to a court ordered class to help your children “cope” with divorce because all divorce cases in our country with children must have both parents attend before a divorce will be granted.
In reality, it was a chance to bash spouses, to learn how to move on, and to learn how to start a new relationship with someone new and make it work! Ugh!
It had very little to do with our children and everything to do with getting us on the “right path” to "recovery"? It was horrible, but I knew the truth and was able to stand on it!
After the class, we had our weekly Home Fellowship meeting here at my house. My daughter (15), who usually does not hang around for any part of it, sat through the whole meeting with us today. She ended up saying something about her dad as everyone was leaving. After this class, it felt as if I had just had enough, and she could tell that everything was getting me down a little. My unbelieving daughter (that we have all been praying will come to Christ) looked at me and began MINISTERING to me.
She explained that I was far too close to the divorce to see the truth. She explained that I cannot see how close dad is to coming home and are you ready for this?
She started telling me that “sin” feels good for a short time only, and that the Lord’s blessing was not on this other relationship her dad was in and that as soon as the last cords were broken, he would be home.
She explained to me that the Lord was not holding this relationship together, because it was doomed from the start. She went on to tell me that the OW is getting bitter and jealous and pointed out things she has seen in her dad to support this (that could only be seen through "spiritual eyes").
She began telling me how God was going to restore this marriage and that IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! My daughter is just sure that any and all pain I may have been in and all I have gone through with this season in my life will be worth it when the Lord heals my marriage for good. She told me that we “will” have years of happiness from the Lord’s restoration! She then went on to tell me that she believes the Lord will do something big and miraculous in this pending divorce! She explained how she has seen the Lord change me. I was able to again let her know that my sins are what brought us to this place and I was able to lift her dad up in our conversation.
I looked at her and smiled and said, “You’re going to become a Christian out of all this aren’t you?” She looked at me, smiled, and said, “Probably!” She gave me a look like she is having her heart turned even as we were speaking!
What a Lord we serve—I am at a loss for words even as my spirit soars! If nothing else ever comes from this whole separation and purposed divorce, my daughter’s salvation was more than worth it and truth be told, I would gladly take that in exchange for my marriage being restored. What matters more?
I am just in awe and so humbled and so grateful to the Lord. My daughter still has a way to go, but the Lord has her on the right path now, and I am ever thankful to my Lord and Savior! I have no words, only thankfulness in my heart for the Lord’s work in my daughter’s life! Praise Him!!
~Kris in Texas
Something Kris didn't mention here but she emailed me later about was that during the break she was able to "overcome evil with good." She looked around and noticed some women who looked really despondent, down and depressed. She introduced herself and shared about herself (not details but an overview) to let the woman know that she was not pursuing the divorce herself. To the women who may have benefited from reading the book, she gave them one of her *Hope Cards.
The women who joined the Restoration Fellowship who we saw came from her area, we forwarded to Kris to invite her to their Home Fellowship. Kris wrote only two months later than their group had TRIPLED in size due to the five Hope Cards she passed out that day. One woman went back to her Divorce Recovery and shared the information she found and all but a few got online to get books.
We used to make these available when women emailed us and asked for them, but now we have a full sheet of Hope Cards that anyone can print off.
Here are some more fruits from Kris sowing restoration:
I was reading a praise report from Kris in Texas the other day and felt the Lord was prompting me to send a praise report to you that I have been putting off sending because of time (yes, I know, it is a poor excuse). I ask for everyone’s forgiveness and forgiveness from my Lord and Savior for not sending it in.
I just recently read, in the October newsletter, a donation letter that was signed Kristen in Texas. This was actually me, and I wanted to follow-up on all the wonderful things that have happened since that (still somewhat embarrassing) because of the tiny $5.00 donation I made to your ministry. I had, at that time in August, just received the initial divorce filing papers. Unfortunately, I did not get a hold of the not getting a lawyer principle at the time of the initial serving of the papers. I had a “fired up” free lawyer from a state legal aid grant.
After taking my case and starting paper work, etc. they made an unprecedented decision to drop my case because of caseload issues. My particular lawyer fought and argued and still could not get the case re-instated. The lawyer told me this had never happened before—ever. I just felt a calm that I could not explain and felt in my soul the Lord was telling me LOUD and CLEAR that I was not going to need a lawyer. Unfortunately again, I was so new in my walk with the Lord and still did not have your resources. I talked to my pastor at church, and he helped arrange for a very high priced lawyer for me for no fee. Can you believe it?
This lawyer was a “fighter” and actually sued my husband for legal fees after telling me I would not have to pay! I really thought the Lord had arranged for this lawyer, because it was through my pastor, and she was a “Christian lawyer” too!! However, the Lord really got a hold of me through your ministry, and I fired her and told my husband I had done so.
Through a series of events, I ended up having to fire her twice more; each time I tried hard to make sure I did it quickly out of obedience to my Lord. I must have finally done it in the right way and the right time frame because she has filed the paper work to remove herself and for the judge to sign the motion without a hearing. The lawyer filed that paperwork, and to this date, more than a year later, the judge has not seen fit to sign that order. There is confusion and paperwork problems all over this pending divorce. The Lord is so wonderful!!
I have no idea why the paperwork is being held and is such a problem, but I just praise the Lord and know that He is at work!! What a wonderful Lord we serve!! I have no idea what the Lord has in mind in this, but I know it is a miracle!! To this date my husband still pays all the bills and covers me on his health insurance. He also gives me spending money. A better statement would be that the Lord has blessed me so generously through my husband continuing to do all these things!!
The Lord has led me to make sure I tithe ten percent of all the spending money my husband gives to me to your ministry. You will be receiving it in the regular mail in a few days. I have received as gifts or been able to order all the paperback books now. I watch all the videos I have everyday all day long. I had no idea how much this would benefit me and how much this would help me!
I encourage everyone to saturate yourself with any and all of the materials you can get from this ministry and with the WORD!! I have met a friend through the Home Fellowship (although I do not lead it, the group meets in my home every week), she and I spend hours pouring over Scripture, using our new concordances, and using several different versions of the Bible. With all of these things in my life and my mind, there is not only very little room for the enemy to work, but when things happen, Scripture is the first thing that comes to mind! It is wonderful to be able to tell the enemy, “It is written!!”
Faith really does come from hearing and hearing from the word of God!! “So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” —Romans 10:17 KJV. I also have divided up Psalms 119 and read a portion everyday along with the Psalms and Proverbs as your book recommends, and I added two chapters from both the New and Old Testaments daily. The Word of the Lord really is as it says in Hebrews 4:12, “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”
All of these blessings came out of the obedience to sending in a little $5.00 donation that I was not sure would even help anyone or the ministry, but the Lord wanted me to send it and I did. Now our home fellowship collects 20 times that every week we meet, that I get to send to you to further your work! The Lord is so wonderful and we really do go from blessing to blessing when we walk in obedience! Malachi 3:10, “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. ‘Test me in this,’ says the LORD Almighty, ‘and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.’” and John 1:16, “From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.”
Thank you so much for your faithfulness to the Lord and for giving so much of yourselves to the people who seek you through your ministry. You have helped my family and me more than I could ever express. I also thank and praise the Lord for leading me here and for all He has done for me. I started this Restoration Journey to restore my marriage, but I have found so much more! Wonderful friends (from sowing hope cards around town) and most important I found THE LORD who has given me a new heart, a new life, and a totally new self, grounded in Him rather than my marriage, others, and false idols. I do not have enough of a gift for the written word to even get close to what I feel and all that has happened. Words are truly inadequate.
~Terri in Tennessee
For the past 2 weeks we have been sending you Restored "Marriage" Testimonies, but today we want you to read that you need to ENJOY and bask in the JOURNEY not just when God restores your marriage as we heard from both Kris and from Terri. In addition, notice how God wants to restore more than just your marriage!! He wants to restore other relationships, health and finances too—usually BEFORE He restores your marriage.
And finally, we wanted to plant the seed for your near future when we show you how to find an ePartner in your area and how to easily begin a Home Fellowship that you can look forward to each week!
Now for today's lesson:
Worse Case Scenario—
Exercise Your Faith!
Early on in my restoration quest I learned this method of freeing me up to eagerly say, as Jesus did, "Not my will but YOURS be done God."
It was something I learned in a seminar that I don't believe I teach in any of my books, videos or on my website. Strange because it is something I find myself doing so often even today.
It is something I really want to TEACH all women.
Basically it is simply making a list, either mentally or actually writing it down (which often depends on the severity of what you are facing).
On one side of your list, write ALL the good that would happen should the thing you want happen.
On the other side, list ALL the good that would happen should what you want NOT happen.
In my case it was very easy to list the good that would happen should God restore my marriage and my husband came back home. This is basically what most women think about, EXCLUSIVELY, they talk about this only and dwell on it, so that if anything doesn't seem to be going in that direction, they are devastated.
For women who have been dwelling, dreaming and planning for their husbands' return, trying to conjure up the GOOD that would happen should he NOT come back home is much more difficult. And a lot of how difficult it is to fill this side of the list will depend a LOT on how long you've been dreaming of restoration.
As I said, for all of us, our well-rehearsed and very often discussed list, which we all keep and focus on, is very easy to fill out. So I don't believe I need to give any of you much help to accomplish this.
BUT, more than likely, it will take you SEEKING GOD about filling in the other side, WHICH is what I had to do myself when I made my list. I honestly could NOT think of a single GOOD thing if God did NOT restore my marriage— if my husband did NOT come back home to us.
But once I asked God, He began to unfold soooooo many things I never thought of!!
"For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened"—Matthew 7:8
Here is the list I wrote way back in 1989 that ended up leading to my restoration because it helped me to LET GO.
MY LIST in 1989
1. I realize by NOT having a husband our home will remain peaceful. There is no doubt our home is more peaceful now, so if he doesn't come back, it will stay peaceful.
2. I realize by NOT having a husband I certainly will continue to lose weight!
[This was partly due to fixing meals but not eating them when I wasn't able to eat.. due to the "infidelity diet" that so many of us find ourselves on: Being unable to eat when we find out our husbands are involved with another woman.
Also the weight loss was due to fasting, which was easy to do when I didn't have a husband to cook for or who would have asked questions if he saw I wasn't eating.]
3. I realize by NOT having a husband I am finally able to make decisions about how to raise the children. The first decision I loved making was to disconnect our television.
4. I realize by NOT having a husband the children are better behaved due to no television and being able to get them to bed on time and take naps too. If he returned home I again would need to "send them" rather than "tuck them in" to bed, since this is the way their dad wants it done. For the first time on the night he is here, he tucks them in. Before he would want to keep talking to me so neither of us would do it. Overall the children's bedtimes and routines are much easier to keep too!
5. I realize by NOT having a husband that without Daddy at home the children are playing together more nicely too. Probably due to no television or video games and also because I am more aware of what's going on. I hear when they are just beginning to misbehave so I am able to step in and guide them to do the right thing.
6. I realized NOT having a husband means I also am able to spend much more time with my parents, since they are getting quite old.
[Not too long after my restoration both my parents passed away. So it was such a blessing that I focused on this while I had the time. I am so grateful, if for no other reason, that I made out this list and read it at least once a day!]
7. I realized NOT having a husband means I have become more involved in so many things I never dreamed I could! Some is due to the children being better behaved, but a lot is due to not having a husband to ask or one who would get upset with me.
8. Also, if I am running late, I no longer have someone angry with me because dinner is late. Often the children enjoy a sandwich at night, or something else.
9. I realize by NOT having a husband that except for the times immediately after their daddy has just left, they are generally much more happy.
I'm sorry to say that I didn't keep my original list... I wish I had. But the amazing thing that I remember most is that "with the Lord's help" on my original list—the side that I had trouble filling at first, was DOUBLE the length of the list of my husband coming home!!!
What I thought I did NOT to want to happen was almost 50% LONGER than the good that would happen should my husband come back and we were restored. This list was made BEFORE I found the Lord as my Husband.
“For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the LORD of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth"—Isaiah 54:5
Once I thought of Him as my Husband, at that point I could have put an X over everything on that side of the list since the Lord was fulfilling those things much more wonderfully. Things like:
Feeling happy again.
Feeling loved again.
No more crying.
Financially set, able to pay my bills.
Someone to talk to at night.
The LORD fulfilled them ALL just as He promised me He would.
"And my God will supply ALL YOUR NEEDS according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus"—Philippians 4:19
At the time I made the list, it didn't immediately stop me from NOT wanting my restoration to happen, primarily because FEAR caused PAIN and I still had pain because I was still afraid of my future and my children's future. I never had heard of ONE marriage restored, not ONE! So I wasn't even sure it was possible. So the fear of the future was terrifying until I was living peacefully with my NEW Husband.
And it was not until after I was restored that I realized that PAIN was the single greatest reason for me wanting restoration.
At that place in my life, I honestly and truly believed that restoration (my husband coming home) was the only true remedy for my pain. But very near the end (though nothing pointed to it being close), when I got enough of God, the pain went away, completely vanished, and was replaced by PEACE that surpassed ALL understanding.
That's why when we read that women are struggling for any reason, the REMEDY is the same, they need MORE of God and that fixes everything!!!
The main reason I am so excited to share this "Worse Case Scenario—Exercise Your Faith" with you, is because as soon as I really and honestly no longer WANTED restoration to happen and I found myself pleaded with the Lord for it NOT to happen— IS WHEN IT HAPPENED! How crazy is that?!?!
I actually began to plead with God not to restore my marriage because I wanted things to remain the same as I said before! And just so you understand what I wanted to stay the same, the way things "were" was that I was living on welfare, living in such a horrible dump of an apartment building (where before I lived in a huge home in a very upscale community) and yet I was happier than I had ever been in my life!
By having "nothing" I had nothing but HIM and I discovered that HE brought about EVERYTHING I truly needed in order to be happy!!
This exercise is similar to the song that says,
"Count your blessings, name them one by one.
Count your blessings, see what God has done."
Once you can see and focus on the GOOD that can come from things NOT turning out as you may have hoped, you are in a PERFECT place to say, with all your heart...
"Not my will, Lord, but YOUR WILL be done"
And that means you are then FREE to live peacefully, without worry!
It's time to Exercise your faith Daily! You need to get ready NOW, because once this change in you takes place, that's when "God turns the heart of your husband" —Proverbs 21:1 and "cuts the cords of sin that are now binding him" —Proverbs 5:22 and there he is on your doorstep!
Get a Life!
Once you begin to actively let go, it will be impossible NOT to slip back to yearning and longing for your husband, if you choose to hang on to your old life. Leaving that huge VOID of time and focus open that your husband used to fill, will create a loneliness that will cause you to stumble. Women who choose to follow only PART of the lesson, and not all of it, will end up either committing spiritual adultery OR even physical adultery when she becomes too lonely.
This is one reason we encourage each of you to pass out Hope Cards in your community. Don't try to pinpoint who to give them to, but scatter them like seeds in your community.
"There is one who scatters, and yet increases all the more, And there is one who withholds what is justly due, and yet it results only in want"—Proverbs 11:24
If you want to find the best soil, ASK GOD who may show you a bulletin board or a church you pass by on your way to and from work that would appreciate knowing their is hope for some of their members.
"And those are the ones on whom seed was sown on the good soil; and they hear the word and accept it and bear fruit, thirty, sixty, and a hundredfold"—Mark 4:20
Once you connect with just ONE woman, I promise you will begin living LIFE again! And not just ANY life, but the Abundant Life Jesus died to give you.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly"—John 10:10
Women need friendships, not only when they are not in a "relationship" but all the time due to the way God created us.
Most of you who are obsessed with your husbands now, were probably the same ones who smothered their husbands. You were too dependent on your husband with your NEED to talk. Our society has tried to change the genders, but it won't work. And when we try, we create undue damage.
"God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them"—Genesis 1:27
It's not just for the sake of being happy NOW, once your marriage is restored, it is even more important that you have a solid base of women to help keep you accountable and encouraged. Maybe even more importantly, is that you need to give your husband breathing room by spending time with these friends.
Again NOT as the world does, but in the way God designed it— encouraging and teaching the younger women, which helps keep you young and vibrant spiritually.
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips... teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored"—Titus 2:3–5
If you are not currently and regularly encouraging the younger women in your life, I guarantee that you are experiencing a void that could be filled in the wrong way, keeping you from the abundant life Jesus died to give you!
Another HUGE bonus, by fulfilling this ministry obligation each of us has as older women, it will, in turn, keep you glowing and attractive to your husband and children!!
"Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: 'Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.' Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD [puts Him first], she shall be praised"—Proverbs 31:28–30
Not only will your need for talking be met, but you will just generally be a much happier person and set the tone in your home!
It starts NOW, it starts today!!
Ask God where you can find women you can help, who will in turn, help you!
Honestly, Do the Principles in this Lesson Really Work?
"Your testimonies also are my delight;
They are my counselors"—Psalm 119:24
"Wow... this lesson really did it for me. I have been praying and praying (and begging!) for God to help me let go of my husband in my heart. Through the RRR course, I realized that he was very much in my heart and that I was still longing for him. The lesson was WELL WORTH MY TIME!
Making the list of the GOOD things about him being gone was actually much easier than the good things about him being home. My list was just like Erin's and double the size of the good things about him home. This really helped me to start truly letting go of him in my heart. However, I did notice a little bit of anger towards him when I made the list of why it was good that he was not home, so I'm praying for God to forgive me and give me a new heart with no anger. I realize this is a major area that could hinder restoration.
To be completely honest, after I made my list, I really did start to think hard about whether I even wanted him back. It definitely helped me to let go and interestingly enough, today I received a text message from him asking how our son and I were doing. It's rare to get these messages from him... hmmmm.
This has affected my walk with the Lord in so many areas. Not only am I starting to realize that maybe He really is enough... but also in the practical sense, I think it's also important that we all need to learn how to be happy while living without a spouse in our lives. A spouse will never make us truly happy in life, only God can do this, and until we get to that place without them, your marriage is likely to fail again. This really opened my eyes. I need to change FIRST and become truly happy on my own before God can change my husband. I still have some work to do!
~ Becky in Texas
By the Word of Their Testimony
To complete today's lesson, read one of our restored marriage testimonies taken from one of our By the Word of Their Testimony Series to glean the wisdom of this once hopeless marriage that has now been wonderfully restored by GOD.