Shay, how did your restoration actually begin?
It all started when we had been married a little more than four years. But I guess it was only after we'd been married for six months that I began to notice changes in my husband. I did not pay attention, I tried to ignore it, but that's when we began to fight a lot and it's when I first started to distrust my husband.
It took four years to find what had gone wrong. I went to look at some things of his and discovered he'd had an OW in his life all the time we were married. Devastated, I confronted him, but he denied everything. Without proof, I couldn't do anything, not until the moment that I discovered him looking at love messages on his cell. I stood behind him watching them exchange love notes. That moment was the death of me!
When he spun around, and our eyes met, he knew he couldn't lie anymore. He cried, asked me for forgiveness and said, "I promise, I'll end it." Yet over time I discovered that they were still very much together. This lasted for close to a year and a half. I would write long letters to God and in each, I begged Him to end this situation my husband was in. I told God I could not take any more. I couldn’t go on like this any longer. I wanted her gone.
But rather than wait for God, one day I picked up his phone, found her phone number and called to confront her. My husband was furious with me, but she then said that she was with him because she did not know that he was married. That was a lie, in fact, I know she knew. But I really wanted him to leave me, because I really began to loathe him. So, at that moment I basically tore my house down what little was still standing.
How did God change your situation Shay as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
After that incident, when I was clearly no longer interested in my husband, apparently, they separated and stopped their relationship. At first my husband was just a little better with me, but not much. I continued to distrust him. I had no reason to believe him and I quite honestly feared caring at all, not wanting to through everything again.
A year went by, and he was soon unemployed, and we became much closer. I gave him my full support and did so with joy believing our troubles were behind us. After a month, he got a job that would turn out to be temporary. This job took him away from home, he would stay a whole week in another state, and would only come home at the end of the week. I missed him a lot, but during our time apart he came back and was very loving towards me. He'd say that he loved me always, how good that I did not give up on him, that he wanted to grow old with me, and that he had never been so happy.
When it came near his time to leave this job, I prayed a lot and asked God to find someone who was willing to employ him. Give him a good job for us, and for the sake of our marriage. I asked for a job that would not disrupt our lives. And so, God heard and answered. He got a job that was far different than anything he'd done before, and something he liked very much. We were so happy that we scheduled a second honeymoon. We took the trip "of our dreams" but from the beginning, something told me that something was about to happen. Something drastic was up ahead. And that's what happened. A month after our trip, my husband went back to being like before.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Shay, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
I realized that I'd been begging God to change my situation, to get rid of the OW, to change my husband. But I never asked Him why this was happening. What was His plan for my life? The moment I did I discovered RMI. A friend handed me the How God Will book and that's when I saw myself and understood why this was repeating over and over and what needed to be done to change it.
When I got my evaluation back after filling out the questionnaire, right then I saw it. The verse where He said I'd left my first love. I’d left Him long ago and that for women like me, forsaken and grieved, I'd been looking at a man to make it right. What I needed and Who I needed was a Heavenly Husband, a warrior, who would do battle in the heavens to stop the madness I was living through.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Shay?
The most difficult was when I found out, that in fact, when I “thought” he'd ended the relationship with the OW, he had not. The next was after our second honeymoon trip ended. When I could not believe that I would go through all this again. But this is what led me to wanting to understand why God was letting this happen. What horrible thing had I done to deserve all this? This is when I started looking on the internet for help, when I found the RMI ministry, when I read the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage in two days. It's when I read all the other testimonials, and I knew that I was not alone in this battle. I instantly began to have a peace that surpassed all understanding.
It was when I realized that my longing for my husband to be faithful was foolish because I had not been faithful to my Husband. I guess that's when I really knew what it was that was missing from my life and what God had wanted to show me for years.
For the first time in my life, I started praying for His will to be done. I started fasting and letting my flesh, my controlling self, die. During one of my longer fasts, I finally asked God to restore my marriage. I was done trying to fix things myself. I told Him that after finding my real Husband, my true Husband, I knew I'd been unfaithful, which was worse than what my husband had done to me.
About a day later, while I was alone, I began praising God, thanking Him for all the trials and crises and pain I'd gone through, and then I heard a very quiet voice that said, "My daughter your marriage has already been restored, rest now, I am taking care of everything."
The next thing that happened was that the past came rushing into my head, each thing He'd brought me through. I finally began to understand that, in fact, God, had taken me on this journey, using so much to get my attention. Then finally I understood and I cried tears of thankfulness. God never abandoned me, He was with me throughout everything, but my focus had been on my marriage, on changing my husband. I ignored the times when my HH was there, wanting me, longing for me. Each time my husband was unfaithful, I was more unfaithful and it wasn't until I took him off the pedestal and turned my eyes towards Him (my HH) that everything changed.
Shay, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
Without a doubt, the change happened when I read the verse in Isaiah 54:4-6, “Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; but you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth. For the Lord has called you, Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, Even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,' Says your God.”
Lord, I do not know what my life would be like without Your love. I pray for every woman reading this that she will also find you as her Husband. I do not know how to live far from Your presence, which is more important than everything. I know that you want this for every woman.
Tell us HOW it happened Shay? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Shay, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
Friends, never give up, believe me, God is protecting you, and is waiting until your heart and focus are where it needs to be. On Him. You've been rejected, you've been humiliated, you've been disgraced. Do you want to forget the shame?
Take the Lord as your Husband, and let God restore your marriage. How often has the Lord called you? Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,' Says your God.”
Once my heart was completely His, once I “delighted myself in Him” that's when my husband completely changed. It's been nearly nine months since our lives became calm. When the winds stopped blowing in the storm I'd lived all my married life. I am not the same, my husband is not the same and we are not the same as a couple.
Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Shay?
Most importantly is not to wait to acknowledge you’ve ignored and cheated on your HH because it will prolong your restoration; my life is truth of
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Shay?
Either way Shay, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
It's as simple as this, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Trust that GOD will restore, you can't do it. I hope and pray that everyone who is reading my testimony will become His bride, because only then can you be truly and wonderfully happy.