Day 8
Separated

but first 3 TESTIMONIES!

 

Marriage Restored AFTER a Divorce!!!!

I had to e-mail you and tell you that my husband and I were remarried last Friday!! NEW RINGS and everything!!!!!

Glory to our God Who ALWAYS leads us to triumph in Christ Jesus! Our God is able to deliver us from the jaws of the lion; I am fully persuaded that our God is able to do that which He has promised!

Thank you for your daily encouragement and for the wisdom and counsel of God that you have sown into our lives through all your books, videos, website fellowship and the preparation that you have shared through the Word and your testimony to prepare me for the days ahead. I am excitedly experiencing and expecting that the latter glory of this house shall be greater than the former! Our God is a restorer of more than all we had before. God bless Restore Ministries richly! Our God is truly a Restorer of the ruins, a Repairer of the devastation of our generations!

~Faith* in Nebraska, RESTORED

 

Marriage Restored After 5-Month Separation!

Thank you so much for being obedient and starting this ministry. It has truly helped me. All praises go to God our Father — my marriage was restored after only 5 months of separation!!! I put my wedding rings back on after I read the significance of them, but this time with the right focus of who I needed to focus on, Jesus!!!

Soon after completely letting go and making the Lord first, my husband called at 1 a.m., asking if I would have the garage door open, because he was on his way home!!!! It worked because now I am trusting God and applying the principles that I learned in all your books and videos!!!!

Thank you so much!!!!

~Kitty* in Wisconsin, RESTORED

 

Amazing Successes to Restoration and Thereafter!

I was desperate for years before finding Restore Ministries — since 1995. I found you through another ministry that listed RMI as an alternative. I learned and read and reread "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage." I realized that I had dishonored God by how my husband and our family was first. I was a true hypocrite because I was not a true lover of the Lord. That’s when I began to shut up. I wrote letters to all the people I had talked to and told them my own shortcomings and sins (not my husband because I knew my first love needed to be God and not impressing my husband). Instead of how I tore him down behind his back, I began to build my husband up in our daughter's eyes, and to encourage her to love her dad unconditionally.

I learned that all I ever needed was Jesus Christ. I also learned what a treasure my husband and family truly are (that God had given me, which I began to worship over the Lord). How true that you can win the whole world, but if the Lord is not first, then your family is not with you, it is a hollow fake existence. 

Mostly, I realized not to deride nor ask questions of my husband and the reason was that it didn’t matter. I learned, through prayer, that God turned the situation the way He did to change me to wanting Him more. What a surprise that I did not have to beg, nor did I have to threaten, nor did I have to scream as I had been doing. I had to let go, be kind to everyone and pray (just talking and listening to God a LOT). There were very serious changes to make in me and God is still making serious life changes in me. Truthfully, I still have a long way to go.

As I started to change and my heart was clearly for Him, God turned the situation around. After my husband came back home, I had to visit the places and do the things he had done with her (the OW). I still was dying on the inside. It was very painful. Had I not had Be Encouraged videos, I would have cracked under the pressure.

I still have the videos, but most I have passed along to help other women (I began helping others which I believe had a lot to do with and when things changed in my relationships). A "Wise Woman Builds Her House" workbook just found a new home two weeks ago with a woman who was tearing her house down. All of these resources were so needed by others! The videos and "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage" were vital to my restoration. My advice — "Get as much as you can!"

My husband has been home a little over a year now. It has been very difficult because the tests are harder and why He had to refine me as He did. Ladies, do not give up. I praise God because my husband sleeps with his arms around me and holds my hands and constantly says he loves me. I praise God because there was a time when he never said those things. And the more I fall in love with the Lord, the more loving and affectionate my husband is to me just as Erin said he would.

Here is another exciting detail — I have been married for 25 years now and I used to beg my husband to read the Word of God with me. After I fell in love with the Lord, I saw it happening to him!! He now wakes me up sometimes, and often insists on reading the Bible and praying with me. Now we read and pray every morning since October!!! He reads and explains the Word to me, and then seven months later (after I stopped going to church) the Lord led my husband to church!! He has been going now one year!!! I give all of the glory to God. I can only thank God.

~Kelly in New York, RESTORED

 

So Your Husband Remarried—
And You Feel Very Much Alone

 

May we begin by saying that to most people your situation is the worst-case scenario for believing God for a restored marriage. But that's only because most people have no clue what your current marital status really means. It means that you are in the BEST possible place to find and experience the Abundant Life, right now!!

And here is more good news...

The statistics for a first marriage ending in divorce is over 50% in the church. The second marriage has over an 80% chance of ending in divorce. And each subsequent marriage after that— the rate of success is even less that 20%. So, if you are concerned because your husband has remarried "chances are" that it is NOT going to succeed.

Factor in GOD and you always have victory.

HOWEVER, the question is, not IF it's possible for your marriage to be restored, since He says it IS possible: 

Matthew 19:26
 And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Mark 10:27 
Looking at them, Jesus said, "With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God."

Luke 18:27 
But He said, "The things that are impossible with people are possible with God."

Luke 1:37
"For nothing will be impossible with God."

The question is WHY did your marriage not only end in divorce, but WHY did your ex-husband (run off) and remarry?

This is what we want to begin to focus on. So if you are able to RENEW your mind with the principles in this section of lessons, then you will never be able to imagine just how fast your restoration could turn around!

If you're ready, let's get started. It may seem brutal, but if you hang in there, you're on your way to a restoration like no other!! Here we go...

From years of ministering to women (and men) and having a front row seat to what goes on and how marriages that come to us when they are separated move to divorce, and the ones who are divorced end up having spouses who remarry, there is one common threat that runs throughout this pattern.

It's all due to failing to LET GO of their marriage and husband. AND the main reason has nothing at all to do with your husband, it's due to you NOT hanging onto GOD—the LORD is not FIRST in your life. You may believe He is but your fruits say otherwise.

You'll Know by Their Fruits

Matt. 7:15-20 tells us, "You will know them by their fruits."What has been the fruit of your standing, pursuing and not letting your husband go so far? Are you any closer to restoration?

Here are three deadly fruits that may occur when you continue to "stand for your marriage" AFTER a remarriage has occurred.

1. Spiritual pride. "The Pharisee stood and was praying thus to himself, 'God, I thank Thee that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax-gatherer. 'I fast twice a ...'" —Luke 18:11-13. Have you looked at others who are not in "covenant marriages" as sinners? When you believe that your husband's marriage is invalid, due to your belief that he is still your husband, then you elevate yourself above others, which is pride.

2. Ignoring or minimizing the power of Christ's shed blood. Many erroneously believe that Jesus' blood is unable to cover the sin of adultery caused when someone divorces and remarries. "Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers…shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such WERE some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our God." —1 Corinthians. 6:9-11.

God can and does forgive adultery! "And Jesus said, 'Neither do I condemn you; go your way. From now on sin no more.' " —John 8:11.

3. Condemning OTHERS inhibits the Conviction of the Holy Spirit on their lives. As long as you judge your husband (and the other woman) deeming them as the sinner(s) and condemn your husband's remarriage, then conviction never happens. 1 Thessalonians 1:5 says, "for our gospel did not come to you in word only, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction…"

4. Idolatry. God says that HE "removed my acquaintances far from me! HE made me an object of loathing to them" in Psalm 88:8. That HE "removed lover and friend far from me" in Psalm 88:18. When a woman continues to pursue her husband when the Lord removes him, then this means you are committing idolatry!Exodus 20:3 says, "You shall have no other gods before Me." This means no other god such as your marriage or your husband.

God must be FIRST in your life. If He is and He has chosen to remove your husband from you, then you would be concentrating on your relationship with the Lord rather than trying to pursue your former husband who is now remarried.

It is a GOOD thing to remain unmarried. When my husband was just about to come home (but I had no clue he was close), I had the strongest desire to remain unmarried. Not because I no longer wanted him home and my marriage restored, but because I had found that not having a husband to please, let me concentrate on pleasing my Lord and Savior!

"But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I." —1 Corinthians 7:8

"And the woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is seemly, and to secure UNDISTRACTED devotion to the Lord." —1 Corinthians 7:34-35.

Could YOU be content to remain unmarried? If you could NOT, then you must take a hard look at who is really FIRST in your life?

Most of the women I have ministered to who are still "standing" after a remarriage has occurred are more obsessed with their former husband than those whose husbands have not remarried. Getting their husbands back seems to be the most important goal in their lives. Whether your husband is remarried or not, your most important goal MUST BE a deep relationship with your Lord and Savior. He must be first in your life. If not now, WHEN?

Has your pursuit to restore your marriage caused you to stumble? Has it caused you to become spiritually arrogant? Has it become idolatry? Have you become unfruitful in your Christian walk due to your longing for your former spouse and former marriage?

So what is the solution?

Cut it Off, and Throw it from You

Matthew 5:29-30 gives us the solution: "And if your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out, and throw it from you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off, and throw it from you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for your whole body to go into hell."

It is time for you to cut it off—completely! If you have seen or heard any of the "Be Encouraged" video series, then you know that when my husband left me and the "hate wall" was still up, the Lord led me to tell him he was free to go.

Yes, it was a very scary step of faith. No one told me how it would turn out. I just knew, because of the two verses that I have shared and the parable of the prodigal, that by continuing to "hold on" to my life I would be going against the Word of God since 

Matthew 16:25 says, "For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it."

Therefore, I made up my mind to obey regardless of the consequences and put my faith and hope totally in God alone. Ladies, this was a MAJOR turning point in my life and my future!

Are you willing to let go of your life in order to find the abundant life God has for you? I would greatly admonish you to seek the Lord about what I have shared with you, by reading over every Scripture again and again. Then if you feel convicted, officially release your husband!

 

But HOW?

Pray about writing a letter to your husband. In this way, you can control what is said and you can reread it several times before sending it. You might write something like this:

"Hi, I know that my holding onto you and the hope of our getting back together has put pressure on you and made your life miserable. I want you to know that I have finally taken your advice and began making steps to move on with my life.

I want you to know that you are free to live your life without worrying about me. I am sorry for how my obsession has made it difficult for you to spend time with our children (and grandchildren). I want you to know that this is all over. You may go to family gatherings without feeling that I am judging your life or I am after you.

If it will help, I will not go to any birthday celebrations or holidays for an entire year to show you my sincerity and my desire to finally give you the freedom that you have deserved for far too long. Please forgive me for being such a fool. I also plan to sell the house as you have told me so often to do, to show you that I mean what I say. One more thing, I know how difficult it was for you to have to leave your friends and your church. I plan to begin looking for new friends and a new church as just one more way of moving on.

Erin"

Please note: Do not begin with "Dear" nor end the letter with "Love." DO NOT make statements about "always loving you" or even "hoping to be friends." Also, don't include any "small talk" or bring the children into it.

*Use what applies to your situation from this sample letter and add in other areas where you have previously REFUSED to let go. Also, pray about mailing  it or having it hand carried so that you know it gets to him and NOT the new wife. Try not to email it either for the same reasons.

 

Testimony

A woman from California wrote to me about restoring her marriage. Things were progressing very nicely and both she and I were hopeful that her marriage soon would be restored. However, one day she heard, through a friend, that her husband had married the other woman. Despondent, she wrote to me, "What now?" I shared with her much of what you have just read. She wrote back and thanked me. She said that once she became content with God's apparent will for her life, and she gave up her will for His, she was now at peace and content to live a single life, never to marry (she was in her early thirties).

Within a year, she wrote to me that her former husband had contacted her. He said that he realized that he had made the biggest mistake of his life! That he had already separated from the new wife and was filing for divorce. He wanted to know if she would consider dating him again or would she only consider it after he was legally divorced. He told her that it was his intent to marry her again if she would have him! She wasn't flattered or gushing, INSTEAD she asked him NOT contact her again since he was a married man. A few months later he contacted her again, saying that his divorce was final, and he began asking her again and again about dating him. Eventually he won her over and they were remarried and are expecting their first child.

I have shared the principle of COMPLETELY letting a husband go to every woman who comes to us for help. Being even bolder with those whose husbands have remarried. So far all but one rejected the principle—All that is except this ONE woman who now has a restored marriage. This ONE woman had never been to a Covenant-based ministry. She never heard of "covenant" marriages, a term that was coined from the one Scripture in Malachi. In our ministry, we have never seen one man or one woman return after a remarriage, save this ONE only. But again, let me emphasis, this was the only woman who ever followed this radical principle for a radical result!

Once left alone, her former husband was able to feel the full impact of his wrong decision when he married the other woman. He had not seen or heard from his former wife during their entire separation, but had to track her down to find her (they had no children). I say this to those who are afraid to let go, for fear that God is unable to bring a person back once they are free to leave and not be pursued.

The other reason this worked is because it is the nature of a man to pursue and pursue harder what he believes he cannot have! Women and even young girls are now the ones who do the pursuing and are mistreated and abused because of it! It is unnatural. Think of sports, hunting and the competitiveness of men. They love a challenge and quickly lose interest, moving on to the next challenge.

Why don't YOU be your husband's challenge? Be the thing he pursues—but don't play games! Instead, pursue GOD, not being more religious, but in a fulfilling relationship that will make you GLOW as He changes you from the INSIDE out! And once your makeover is complete, I promise that your husband will hear about it even if you try to keep it a secret. God will orchestrate HIS REVEAL at the perfect moment that you are at your most radiant, and after the other woman has become bitter and cutting.

Proverbs 5:3-4 "For the lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword."

Psalm 34:5 "They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces will never be ashamed."

There are many more testimonies below that will encourage you to allow God to change you through His love and by letting go and becoming faithful to Him!! But first...

Earlier we ask the question is WHY did your marriage not only end in divorce, but WHY did your ex-husband (run off) and remarry?

This is what we want to begin to focus on. So if you are able to RENEW your mind with the principles in this section of lessons, then you will never be able to imagine just how fast your restoration could turn around!

If you're ready, let's get started. It may seem brutal, but if you hang in there, you're on your way to a restoration like no other!! Here we go...

From years of ministering to women (and men) and having a front row seat to what goes on and how marriages that come to us when they are separated move to divorce, and the ones who are divorced end up having spouses who remarry, there is one common threat that runs throughout this pattern.

It's all due to failing to LET GO of their marriage and husband, then later the ex husband. AND the main reason has nothing at all to do with your husband, it's due to you NOT hanging onto GOD—the LORD is not FIRST in your life. You may believe He is but your fruits say otherwise.

Not letting go is also continuing to act as if you are married when it comes to intimacy. There is no better way to prevent restoration than to sleep with an ex husband.

You'll Know by Their Fruits

Matt. 7:15-20 tells us, "You will know them by their fruits." What has been the fruit of your standing, pursuing and not letting your husband go so far? Are you any closer to restoration?

That are the fruits of you continuing to act as if you're still married when you're not? Maybe being intimate with your ex and though he speaks of leaving the OW and remarrying you, his promises never happen—are you prepared to live this way?

 

Intimacy

As soon as you begin to change, replacing the contentious woman with having a gentle and quiet spirit, and also have let go of your husband, you will begin seeing Good Fruits. Soon things will begin to turn around to the point that your ex husband will probably begin wanting to be intimate with you again. The absolute worst thing you can do is to pretend you are still married and sleep with your ex husband.

When my husband left me, and after a year told me he was being pressed by the other woman to divorce me, I sought God who told me it would, in fact, go through. He assured me, however, that it was necessary in order for the testimony. Soon afterwards He began to prepare me for the "change" in my situation. Once I began changing, our intimacy had started again even though we were separated and he was living with the other woman. But the Lord told me that once the divorce did go through, that for us to be intimate again would be just like any two people who were not married—it would be wrong!

My struggle began to know whether or not to warn him how things would change, but I knew that he would see it as a tactic to make him stop the divorce, so I follow the principle in Proverbs 17:28, "Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is considered prudent."

Because I did not attend the divorce hearing, but "lost" by default, I wasn't sure that the divorce had gone through, so a day or two after the court date, I asked my husband if it had been granted. When he said it had, I knew that I was NOT to be intimate with him again, not until we were once again legally married. It was not about pleasing my husband, or ex husband, but pleasing God.

Reasoning that we were "married in God's eye" is a trap from the pit of hell. Many women who are used and abused, who never legally marry, use the same lies—women who are horribly hurt by it. I knew God wanted to protect me and that I belonged to my heavenly Father, who would not want me to be used. He would want me to remain pure and wait for Him to turn my ex husband's heart back to me and marry me again.

So later that same day my ex husband began to get cozy with me, which is when I knew I would have to speak up. I moved away from him and told him that since we were no long legally married we could no longer be intimate. At first he thought I was kidding, but when he realized I was serious, my ex husband began quoting scripture about us being "one flesh." However, I told him that legally we were not married and that I needed to obey that law, just as if it were before we ever married.

Resigned to this, he said he would respect my decision but proceeded to begin kissing me. I pulled away letting him know that to STOP before things went too far might be okay for him because he had someone back at his apartment waiting to be intimate with him (the OW) but for me I had no one. That to get too passionate would be too difficult so that only a quick kiss hello and goodbye is what we would need to do from now on.

Yes, that's when he stormed out, just like any teenage boy would whose girlfriend wouldn't have sex with him, but I knew this was part of God's plan to restore me. I remembered my grandmother who used to say "men won't buy the cow when they can get free milk." I wanted to be married again, and not just become an adulteress like the OW, so I just wouldn't give it. But guess what? This is when my ex husband began to pursue me!! He began being so sweet, I'm sure to get me back in bed with him, but I wouldn't budge from my commitment to remain pure and wait until we were married again.

It took less than a week of him pursuing me with loving comments, gifts and every manner to win me over before he stated: "Divorcing you was the WORST mistake of my life!!" Had I continued to sleep with him I doubt I would ever have heard those words! From that point on he also began to loath the other woman. He told me that sex with her was horrible and strained. Eventually he began sleeping on the coach. This intensified his desires for me, and now he keeps telling me how much he regrets divorcing me. I just love hearing that!! Sure, he could have started looking or sleeping with other women, but when a man wants something he can't have, it's in his nature to want it even more.

What if you've already slept with your ex husband?

Like everything else, it's never too late in God's eyes to begin to honor Him and His word. Begin right where you are now to follow the truth of His word that says the "truth will set you free." Be truthful and acknowledge that you are no longer legally married; therefore, to be intimate with any man is wrong.

Let your ex husband know your new found conviction, and then just make very sure you never get yourself in the situation of it happening. Stay away from passionate kissing and even when he's not around (or when he is) don't watch movies that will ignite that passion in you. During the time when I refrained from intimacy, I was also fasting a lot, which helped kill the fleshly desires. But what helped the most was not kissing or getting too close to him, which is what made my ex husband want me even more!

 

MORE Testimonies

"Thank you thank you thank you. I did what you said and soon afterwards my ex want to sleep with me. But because I wanted to honor God and His word, I told him that I was so sorry that I just couldn't. Like you said he tried everything, then one day sat on the end of my bed and just wept uncontrollably. I stayed back not wanting to comfort him because it could have resulted in us being intimate and I knew it. This made him even sadder and he began cursing the other women who he said made him divorce me. I'm not sure if that's true, but since that day he keeps talking about how he is leaving the other woman and we talk of wedding plans!! He wants to take me on the honeymoon we never had all because he is missing this part of our life together as husband and wife!! You were right—it's like a brand new beginning. When he first started to talk about remarrying, it was just going to the courthouse to make it legal again. Now he wants us to have a nice wedding with our kids, friends and his family. Wow, doing things the right way, God's way, is full of blessings I would never have imagined!!!"

Judy in Wisconsin

~~~~~~~~~


Dearest Erin, As you, and everyone else knows from my Bio, I fell into this same trap of sleeping with my ex-husband after listening to that tape: "Sex and the Stander" when he started coming around again---and then he soon left me again for another woman. I hope everyone learns from this huge mistake I made. I personally believe the only way to prevent this trap of the enemy is by applying the principle of "letting go" and the "holding on" to the Lord and taking Him as your Husband.

This topic (letting go) and the pitfalls of longing for "forbidden fruit" could easily be a chapter in itself as there are so many testimonies that validate this principle when followed or when ignored. Bless you for sharing these profound truths to help save us from destruction. I only wish I had known and followed this before, if I had I am sure I would not still be waiting for restoration, it would have happened already!

 ~Helen in Louisiana

 

If you come from a "standers" background, I would encourage you to click on Helen's name and read through her bio and also previous Encouragers to learn about the pitfalls of their unbiblical tactics. Helen is very transparent regarding how they don't work and how you will remain a "stander" forever.

And because the subject of intimacy after divorce is a difficult topic, it is also covered in our Q&A book.

QUESTION: The divorce went through so, obviously, intimacy is not going to happen?

ANSWER: If the divorce has gone through intimacy is forbidden UNLESS you want to remain divorced. If you want to remarry your ex then you will need to do what is right so that God will honor you and you honor Him

QUESTION: [State: California. Current Marital Status: divorced.] My husband and I divorced but got back together (I with my contentious attitude tore my house down). I left and later realized my mistake, but it was too late, he didn’t want me back. After reading your book and workbook God began to move, we have started seeing and talking to each other. Now I am pregnant and he is upset and angry and wishes we never began talking again. What do I do now? Do I stay away and let him cool off or still be a wife to him? He even wants me to abort.

ANSWER: You need to give him time by staying apart for a while. Pray that the Lord will turn his heart back toward you and the baby. You mentioned being divorced, then back together. Did you remarry, or were you still divorced when you became intimate again? In the book I’m sure you read that once a divorce has occurred, you should not be intimate. When a judge rules that you are no longer married, we must obey, “Let every person be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God” (Rom. 13:1). I have seen a lot of tragedy when this has been violated. There are consequences for violations of God’s Word even if it was done in ignorance. “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge” (Hos. 4:6).

If you were intimate while you were divorced, you must repent before the Lord. Then pray for an opportunity to repent to your husband. Remember when talking to him, to agree with ANYTHING he says, or keep silent. (Matt. 5:25) If he asks you about getting an abortion again, tell him that you will have to pray about it. THEN PRAY!! However, since you are no longer married, you are not REQUIRED to be subject. When your husband divorced you, then he lost the privilege, so the baby is in no danger.

When a wife has a desire to restore her marriage, she WILLINGLY submits to her husband. It is her choice to do so as an example of her faith that her marriage will be restored. This is what I did. However, if I was asked to sin against God, as you are being asked to do, I would not have willingly submitted to it. However, a woman who is married must be subject in ALL things, trusting in the Lord that He will faithfully deliver her—because He IS faithful!!! “But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:24). Even if our husbands are disobedient to the word as Abraham was. “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior . . .Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear” (1 Pet. 3:1–2, 6).

QUESTION: My husband divorced me in July. Before we were divorced he and I were still intimate. I wondered if I should reject him should he come to me for intimacy now. I am confused about it because the scripture says “we are joined until death” but then there is the divorce on paper by mankind. Which supersedes the other? In my heart I don’t feel divorced from him but I’m sure that is how every woman feels. I worry about his desires getting the best of him because he said he wanted to get a vasectomy so he doesn’t slip up and have another baby. I know he’s dating and I’m sure she’s putting pressure on him to be intimate. What would you recommend I pray about him, her and me concerning this situation?

ANSWER: If you have the women’s restoration book, you can find the answer at the end of the first chapter. Basically, the Scriptures are clear that God sees us as one flesh, but He also tells us that we are under the law for our protection. The law has said that you are divorced; therefore, legally you are no longer married.

Jesus followed the law by paying taxes and allowing Himself to be captured and persecuted. He did not place Himself above the law; we can do no less.

“Let every person be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore he who resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same; for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath upon the one who practices evil” (Rom. 13:1-4).

Can I Remarry?

NO! 1 Corinthians 7:39 is very clear, "A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord."

Over the years we have had many women who were unable to let go of their husbands, in their heart, and it led to them remarrying someone new. Feeling as if they failed, they gave up thinking about restoration and found someone new to marry.

The first email always comes to our ministry letting us know just how happy the woman is after they remarry someone new. It basically starts out with telling us how WRONG we were for our firm beliefs against remarrying. Then, within months, but normally about a year into the new marriage, these same women write DESPERATE for help and who write pages and pages of repentance, asking us what she can do now.

It's then she realized her mistakes, and in the greatest majority these are the women who so faithfully support our ministry financially! Imagine that!! They are so miserable in their remarriage and want desperately to support a ministry that speaks the truth. Because these new husbands are actually "good men" these women can't bring themselves to speak or minister about their mistakes. They ask us to speak the truth boldly and to ask that YOU minister on their behalf before you make the same mistake.

So, are you ready to begin focusing on ministering?

Whether you are in your 20's or 60's, there are women or girls who DESPERATELY need guidance!

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be dishonored." —Titus 2:3-5

 

Begin to Minister

For those of you who are willing to devote your lives to "boasting about your weaknesses" and helping to minister to younger and/or hurting women, you can begin your ministry right here with RMIOU! For now, just keep learning these lessons and realize He has called you to begin to help OTHERS.


Honestly, is what you're saying really true??

"Your testimonies also are my delight; they are my counselors"— Psalm 119:24

 

Q&A

Question:

Hi, I need help interpreting something. The previous material gave me so much peace that I felt I was no longer in a crisis, I even got my joy back. But now my situation has taken another turn, my ex has remarried AND is now expecting, he had a reversal surgery to be able to conceive....Does  this mean I am still truly holding on to the point restoration is not allowed or is not God's will, since it has gone this far? Of course I am heartbroken, which is not right cuz children are blessings from God. I would truly value your thoughts.

Many thanks,
Sandra

Answer:

Psalm 92:5-7 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

"How great are Your works, O Lord! Your thoughts are very deep. A senseless man has no knowledge, Nor does a stupid man understand this: That when the wicked sprouted up like grass And all who did iniquity flourished, It was only that they might be destroyed forevermore."

Isaiah 30:18 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

God Is Gracious and Just

"Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him."

Nothing is impossible, but my immediate interpretation is that as heartbroken as Sandra is, my heart breaks for the Lord who wants her to want Him. It reminds me very much of a dear friend who lived very near New Orleans.

When her husband found out his girlfriend was pregnant, he decided to marry the OW. However, my friend had long since let go of her husband and began pursuing the Lord and working with me to help other women.

Over the course of a year or two, my friend's teenage daughter became involved with her half sister and began bringing the toddler to their home, often for a weekend. My friend came before our group, after speaking to me personally, and confessed to the hate she felt for this daughter and her shame of how she could ever feel like that towards this innocent baby girl. That night she wept and was healed. The resentment was replaced with a love for this little girl.

It was probably a year later when things began to unravel in the new marriage. The OW (now his wife) began not coming home. She worked in the nearby casinos and because her husband worked on the oil rigs, he found out that she would leave their little girl at the babysitters, often for days. Not knowing what to do, he turned to his ex-wife. He gave her to my friend to care for (and his daughter who was now in her twenties but engaged)—all due to her love for his daughter.

My friend had NO feelings whatsoever, but I encouraged her that this was good... to keep her eyes and heart with the Lord... reminded her how horrible being a harlot is to the Lord who was her Husband.

The OW divorced her ex and gave him custody of their daughter, after she confessed she got pregnant to get him to marry her anyway.

After his divorce he asked my friend to marry him to give his daughter a home and because he saw what an amazing wife she always was. But my friend turned him down, stating she was a believer, that the Lord was her Husband now (showing him the verse in her bible), but she would continue to help raise his daughter and think of her as her own.

Heartbroken, her husband spoke the only Christian he knew about on his oil rig. Come to find out, there was a group of Christians who had daily Bible studies, which he joined. After accepting the Lord and being born again, her husband became a new man. He didn't even look like the same guy when I saw him. A year later they were married.

Don't miss the point. Due to my friend being faithful to her Husband she was able to keep her heart safe and allow the Lord to be who she needed. And not just for her sake, but for her husband's sake. He had room to see who he had married and then to pursue my friend. And when that failed, in his hurt he turned to the Lord.

The other huge part to this restoration was that my friend was who went around to churches to let the church secretary know about our fellowship meeting that met once a week. She began a midweek Bible study in her home, going through A Wise Woman and her daughter began to sit in. She and her daughter then starting a group for older teenage girls, and the change in her daughter was amazing. Her friends changed too, and each began to look and dress differently AND she gave up dating. When she did marry she met her fiancée in a youth group and wasn’t like the guys she used to date, guys like her dad. She married before her dad got saved, but prior to that she was drawn to men like her dad.

~ Erin

“'I came that [you] might have life, and might have it abundantly” —John 10:10

Finding the Abundant Life
Abundant Life Course 1

The best thing you can do is to become His bride,
and begin to find the abundant life He died to give you! Let go of even thinking
about your former husband and find true Love at Last!!

 

Understanding the Principles of Wedding Rings
Whether to Wear Your Wedding Rings 

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Whether or not to wear your wedding rings is fairly significant in regard to your restoration. 

In this Wedding Rings LESSON, we hope to clear up whether or not you should be wearing your wedding rings— and to know what to do. THEN be sure to come back here and: 

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SUBMIT AN “Overcoming a Hurdle” PRAISE REPORT CLICK HERE.
The more real and transparent you can be, the more it will help other women identify with you, and the easier for those who follow after you 🙂
Also be sure you've read our bonus lesson—especially if you've come from a "stander's" ministry.

Bonus Lessons

Divorced & Intimacy

Set_free

“...and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." —John 8:32

Now it's time to CLICK HERE and pour out your heart to the Lord and Journal "What I Learned."