Nicki, how did your restoration actually begin?
When my husband left this past January, I searched for Christian prayer sites. A fellow Christian saw my request and sent me an email. He suggested your ministry. He also told me about your book, How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. Praise God!
How did God change your situation Nicki as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
Once I received your RYM book, I began to look at my situation in a completely different way. Yes, I still cried, but I cried TO THE LORD instead of crying for my husband. Your book taught me a lot about myself and how I had to change! Praise God for opening my eyes to His Word! I found my HH soon after reading Finding the Abundant Life and that's when I was finally able to let go. It was very hard because I’d been in so many groups and having friends who pursued their husbands relentlessly, so I had to let go of all this first. It was easier than I thought because I was worn out. I realized this because the hate wall kept getting stronger the more I pursued my EH.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Nicki, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
Without the Lord leading me, I could never have gotten through each day feeling stronger in my spirit and due to the Love I got from my Heavenly Love. I finally let God take full control of my life and my marriage restoration. Whenever I felt the urge to call my husband, because I'd been told countless times to pursue, I instead prayed. Even after I made the mistake and sent him a card for Valentine's Day, but the struggle got easier the more I read the Word and talked to my HH asking Him to forgive me for being unfaithful to Him. I was now His and my heart needed to be fully HIS too.
Initially I was SO broken and distraught over the trials in my marriage, which led me to this ministry, but over the last couple years, I've noticed that even though for a short time I’d gone back to church and gotten involved in different things, the teachings from the beginning of RMI had stuck with me. All the biblical principles were providing a solid structure in which I could forge ahead into my restoration journey, while also encouraging and lifting others as other women have done for me. I believe that if we don’t help other women, God can’t help us as much as we want no matter how much we beg Him too. He will give us in the same measure as we give just as it says in Luke 6:38 and this is what I tell everyone.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Nicki?
One day when we spoke and I made the mistake of telling my EH I was praying for him (because I'd been part of a standers group), his response was, "Not even your prayers are going to bring me back." At that point I was at my lowest, but I soon was able to pick up and read His Word, I prayed and repented until I could feel His love again, and instead of crying for my EH, I began to cry to know the Lord as my HH. I knew He answered me and was right next to me the moment I repented of my unfaithfulness to Him, when I felt a warm sense of peace come over all of me. The Lord was telling me I would be okay. I was loved. I knew I could not fight this fight that it was His as my HH and that He is who I wanted more than anything.
Because my husband and I have both experienced infidelity in the marriage, this sin was on both sides of our marriage, it was the cause of the tremendous rift, due to the brokenness and betrayal that had plagued our union. Now that we’re restored it has brought all the praises and GLORY to the most high, my HH.
Originally my EH was firm about wanting a divorce and was too hurt to carry on in our marriage, but as the RYM says, when it’s time, He, God, will turn the heart back but only when we are first faithful to our HH.
Also, I had to forgive my husband. Hard? Yes, but not when you surrender your heart to your HH. God made it easier for me (and you) to have a forgiving heart once we have His heart. I learned that only He could control my anger because it’s unforgiveness. And that by having my focus on my HH, my new heart would be what would win my husband back to Him and back to me.
Nicki, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
Finding your books. First your RYM book gave me reason to believe our marriage would be restored when the Lord was ready to do His work. He taught me through this book that even though my husband was giving up, I had to trust Him with my entire being. He taught me that I, too, was at fault because I was not perfect. And the second was finding my HH so I could fully let go.
Tell us HOW it happened Nicki? Did your husband just walk in the front door?
I had to let my HH take control and lead me. After two months separated, and content with just having Him alone, I was reading my Bible. It was early and I thought it strange for the phone to ring. I heard Him say to give Him control, when I picked it up to say hello—it was my husband! He asked if we could get together to talk. He told me he had not slept all night; a voice kept telling him he needed to call me.
Praise my Lord Jesus, His Word is the Truth! He will never forsake His children. God worked in me and then worked in my husband. I give all the glory to the Lord! Although our separation only lasted about three and a half months, it felt like an eternity.
We had been married four years, but I had been with my husband for the past thirteen years. When he looked at me and said he didn't love me anymore, I was devastated. He told me our marriage was over and, no matter how much I begged, he wasn't coming back.
Nicki, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
God is awesome if you just let Him restore you! My EH asked to meet him at church and it was there, in the pew, that we spent a few hours talking. I felt as if all my troubles were over and this was the end of this part of my Restoration Journey. My husband then said he wanted to take time talking more before coming home too quickly. Of course, I agreed, trusting the Lord to finish His work and to prepare me for what I knew would be harder...my EH home so I'd have less time with my HH.
Well, thankfully I did have more time with my HH because the enemy of course wasn't going to give up so easily after God turned my EH's heart back to me. Through "friends" I found out that my husband was with the OW on two occasions. Once again, I felt like I was being slapped in the face but that's when He reminded me He asked me to turn the other cheek, walk the extra mile and bless instead.
Later I found out it was the OW who sabotaged my EH and that’s how the rumor started that they were still together. But He worked that out for good too, because when I didn’t care (though it really hurt at first), my EH made sure to explain and that it made him loathe the OW.
Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Nicki?
I recommend to everyone married to read A Wise Woman and if they are in crisis RYM. A WW is important because it taught me how to be a good wife when my EH returned. I think that’s why so many don’t stay restored.
Erin's book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage was the best money I ever spent ever. I learned that my faith in the Lord was not what I thought it was. I had believed all my life, but I never really gave God full control of my life until I read your book. Praise God for leading me to your ministry where I found the love my life was missing!
Do you have favorite Bible verses Nicki that you would like to pass on to women reading your Testimonies? Promises that He gave you?
“But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.” Matthew 5:39-42
“But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.” Matthew 5:39 KJV
“Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; and do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; but you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth. 'For the Lord has called you, Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, Even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,' Says your God.” Isaiah 54:4-6
“Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.” Luke 6:38
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Nicki?
Yes. This is what He is calling me to do. After I read the RYM book about eight times, long before my marriage was restored, a friend I met in a prayer room had her sister email me as she also was going through a separation. I knew the Lord was asking me to give her encouragement. I asked for her address and sent her my book.
Either way Nicki, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Dear bride, your restoration like mine will be hard, but if you find your HH, I promise it will get easier. Yes, the enemy will try many times to wound you and discourage you, but if you just follow the principles, with Him at your side, you will make it.
I had to come to the point of being able to say, that I wrote in my journal, “At this point in my restoration journey the Lord is who I want and need. But I am open and willing should the Lord want to restore my marriage for His testimony.” If you continue to worship your EH and your marriage, you’ll stay pursuing the love that is fleeting and unfulfilling.
It's been over six months since my husband and I were restored, renewing our vows and I was able to fit into my same wedding dress. Now, it’s together that we are able to thank God for loving us enough to save us from the enemy that has taken so many marriages. Thank you, Erin, for your wonderful ministry, for your dedication to helping women like us, and for your encouragement to continue when I wanted to give up! God bless you!!!
Lord, my HH, I give You all the praise and glory and my love! I did nothing except believe and trust in You and YOU alone.
~ Nicki in Mississippi