What brought you to RMI, Paula? Please use this space to briefly let our readers know what your life was like when you first found us, Vanessa, so our readers understand just what a miracle your restoration is.
When I first read the “Are you Ready?” series in my Encourager, I began to suspect that I already had a restored marriage but was waiting for what I had imagined my restoration looked like.
As I read the series, I was surprised, because I was not feeling restored, but after reading and Seeking God for wisdom, I then realized how I was ungrateful… and so, here I am to thank the Beloved of my soul for everything He has already done and for everything He has in store for me!
Paula, how did your Restoration Journey begin?
My Restoration Journey all started when I realized that my husband was building a parallel life. I saw that his friends were single men, and there were always celebrations and “reasons” to go out and arrive late and drunk.
On the other hand, I started to go out with our children, make new friends and spend a lot of time with them (and most of the time drinking, gossiping and badmouthing our husbands!). In addition, I was faithful to attendance at Sunday Masses, alone or only with my children.
Despite the serious crisis in our marriage, I decided to plan a family holiday trip. My husband did not want to travel, but I imagined that it could be a way to make things get better... I didn’t listen to what he wanted and he stopped to argue, telling me that he would not pay for the trip, so I told him – showing no respect at all– that I could afford for it!
My husband took us to the hotel, but didn't stay there with us. He told me he had to go back to work and by the weekend he would come to stay with us and take us back home. But he never came and we went home by ourselves.
When we got home, I thought my husband would be waiting for us and at least would be anxious to see the children, but on that day, he arrived late and indifferent! From then on, things only got worse, I found out about the OW and I rubbed it in his face! I felt so lost and confused that I decided to look for a psychologist to help me to become someone different…
I remember that during my visit, I began to enumerate my mistakes and she told me that I could not feel that way and that it was all my husband's fault. She asked me to begin to feel anger and explained me that through anger I would feel free from the guilty I was feeling at that time. Sad and confused, I asked my husband to meet together for us to talk… and so we had the most difficult and painful conversation ever! My husband decided to leave at that day.
How did God change your situation Paula as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
That’s when I decided to search on the web for marriages testimonies and when I found Erin's book: "How God can and will Restore your Marriage"! PTL!
I began to read it and couldn't stop, and then I read it again and again! I was able to start applying the principles immediately, especially the "letting go” that I learned in Course 2. I had to do something - and to have practical advice about how to act, was all I was asking for! I could see the real me, realized my mistakes and understood what was happening! But mainly, I saw that I was not alone and that God had a perfect plan for me! PTL
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), did the Lord teach you during this trial, Paula?
God began teaching me that I have to hide my heart so deep in Him, making Him always the first One in my life! Letting my husband go, winning without words and having a gentle and quiet spirit was what helped the most.
Paula, what were the most difficult times that God helped you through?
The most difficult time that the Lord helped me to go through were with my children, who asked for their father, who were feeling forsaken… I succeeded in not letting them see me crying. I sought God and had help through all the RMIEW materials. So I did not crumble, but stood firm in my faith and remained faithful not only for me, but for them, for our family and future!
What was the “turning point” of your restoration, Paula?
The turning point in my situation was immediately when I started applying the principles of "letting go" and "win without words" and of course every other principle I applied, especially having me faithfully continue tithing to my storehouse. But these were the fundamental principles that turned things around, because my husband noticed that I was behaving differently!
One day, after reading about the importance of letting go and asking God to help me truly let him go, my EH sent me a message: Why don't you call me anymore? What is happening to you? God is wonderfully faithful to His word and principles!
Tell us HOW it happened, Paula? Did your husband just walk in the front door?
Since I began this journey, I've been dreaming of how my restoration would take place: with flowers, new engagement ring, lovely words… then I stopped dreaming of it, and realized it already happened, not in my way, but in the best way: in His perfect way for me!
After I found this Ministry (in Portuguese), I began to apply the principles and one day I suddenly heard a noise in the lock of the front door and my husband came into the house! My children ran to him screaming "Daddy!!!!" Even now this scene brings tears to my eyes! I still hear my younger son saying: "Daddy, you vanished and I missed you so much! Don’t do that again please!" My husband sat down and hugged them with tears in his eyes! He was sad and confused…
In my mind I had a "model" of restoration that I created for myself! Sort of a script in my head with a beginning, middle and an end, but God's plans are not like ours and I know that His plans are much better than mine. So I can only say: May Your will be done in my life Lord!
Thankfully when my husband wasn’t at home, I had long and intense days in the presence of my Beloved Jesus! He, through this Ministry, gave me the understanding that I started the Journey of my life and I do not want to return to where and who I was before. After all, where would I go? He alone has the words of eternal life!
Did you suspect or could you tell you were close, Paula, to being restored?
No, I didn't suspect of anything, I was only trying to be obedient to what I learned, to shut my mouth, to keep my eyes closed (to see not what is seen, but what is unseen) and to allow Him into the person God wants me to be and what He wants me to do!
Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you?
The materials that I recommend are: the book "How God can and will Restore your Marriage" - what a blessing of God for us! The book "A Wise Woman" that gives practical and specific teachings for a woman who want to be given a spiritual makeover!
I recommend doing the online courses and to read the daily Encourager – so you know how to start the day, I couldn’t live without them. And in addition, I recommend writing Praise Reports, pouring your heart out to Jesus in thanks.
Paula, would you be interested in helping encourage other women?
Yes, I am part of the Ministry Team and have been for a while, even before I was restored, which is one of the principles I learned at the end of Course 1 about sowing and reaping. Now I know there is no greater joy than helping other women! And that God has always had a perfect plan to me, to make me His witness to what He can do for anyone. Now I'm so humbled and so happy because I know that all I’ve been going through is to help me understand my ministry and I am so excited to share everything He’s done for me.
Dear Friend, Jesus, the Beloved of our souls, is eager to be kind to you, to manifest His love and His fondness for you! Among many other women, you have been chosen and will be blessed with the restoration of your marriage, as well as everything He promised and He is faithful! Believe!
~ Paula is our Portuguese Pastor and Branch Director, for Português Team. She is such an encouraging woman who found the love of her HH when she cried out for help in the crisis in her marriage. She discovered that the most important thing is to maintain your relationship with Him first and foremost in order to find peace and harmony in your life and family.