Day 24
"The Other Victim—the OW"

Are you Ready for Restoration?

 

Are You Really Ready for your Miracle?

I’m sure you are anxious and excited to submit your RESTORED Marriage Testimony...

 But the question is— are you truly ready???

 Some women are so shocked and surprised that soon after they’re asked to move back home or their husband comes home, it feels as if their marriage still isn’t restored. Yet that’s due to a grave misunderstanding about how restoration feels.

Most husband’s don’t come back begging for forgiveness, but come back with the enemy hot on their heels. Remember, how much influence the enemy had over your husband when he chose to leave you (or ask you to leave). When the Lord turns your husband’s heart back to you, or causes a crisis that leads him to return (or ask you to return), he hasn’t yet had time to change.

Read an email we got from a woman who we’d heard had a restored marriage, and yet has failed to submit a RESTORED Marriage Testimony after being asked.

Thank you so much for this wonderful feedback to my praise report.  Forgive me for asking, but if my EH has still not expressed to me a desire to work on our marriage yet (he has been home for a month but we still haven't had 'the talk'), but has simply decided to move back in and is seemingly "feeling his way around" still, is still in a way also somewhat attached still to the "outside world" ( i can still see a struggle in him between wanting to still live out his worldly life and wanting to be at home with his family), and still looking a bit lost in what he wants to do with his life... is it already considered an actual RESTORED marriage? I just would like to know this before I submit my restored marriage testimony.

Our reply was, Yes, as we said, most men come back in a way that doesn’t feel or appear like a restored marriage you dreamed of. Erin's husband came home, he said, "just for her kids" and was not at all kind at first, because he was still dealing with the enemy. But as she continued to love the unlovable, meaning being patient and not putting any expectation on her husband, and instead, putting all her focus on Who it had been on before her husband came home—on the Lord her HH. Not too long afterwards, things were entirely different.

We have no idea where you're seeing men coming back repenting because it's not in our RMT. After husbands return is when you are going to be TESTED the most, applying the same principles you learned and why you learned them.

Are you asking the Lord, who needs to remain your Husband, what to do every moment of every day? He alone can help.

This means, if you fail to praise what He has done (returning your husband home) and instead focus on what He hasn't done (EH not wanting to work on your marriage), which is NOT something that either of you is supposed to do. We never ask you, nor should a husband "work" on your marriage, so you may be visiting other sites or reading materials that only fix marriages temporarily. And it also means you've transferred your focus from your HH to your EH.

Most of this is explained AFTER you submit a Restored Marriage Testimony. After you submit it takes you to "Restoration: Now What??"... but before you submit your testimony, make sure you spend time with the Lord, and let Him know of your gratitude for what He HAS done and to help you get your heart right and fixed on HIM. So that when you submit your testimony, you will be looking through the eyes of a woman who is grateful for Him!!

GET READY FOR YOUR MIRACLE—NOW!

After getting this and other women who were restored but who failed to submit their RESTORED Marriage Testimony, we began to SG for wisdom—then finally understanding that we shouldn’t WAIT to prepare women for restoration—helping them understand what happens and how it feels.

The truth is, we DO prepare you. The problem is you don’t realize that the difficulties during your Restoration Journey was to prepare you for even greater difficulties soon after your marriage is restored.

Do the difficulties continue?!??!

No, not IF you fall back on what you learned and don’t try to keep your marriage restored, remember it is GOD who restored your marriage, not you. Therefore, if you begin acting and reacting to trials and married life the way you used to, then the difficulties will not only continue, but often, a husband can easily be taken away again.

Revelation 2:4— "But I have this against you, that you have [again] left your first Love."

“You have removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness”—Psalm 88:18

“You have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out”—Psalm 88:8

“She will pursue her lovers, but she will not overtake them; and she will seek them, but will not find them. Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my first Husband, for it was better for me then than now!’”— Hosea 2:7

However, some men are meant to only stay a short time back home. Do you remember how Erin's husband came back for a short time before her marriage was fully restored, but then left again? Sometimes your temporary "restoration" is simply the Lord giving you a time of deep emotional and spiritual rest because you are about to go through the final phase of restoration.

How would you know?

Well, Erin said she could sense it wasn't over. She wanted it to be over, but something inside told her it wasn't. She says it's similar to when you’re pregnant, maybe even overdue, and you feel or hope it's time, but when it IS time—you know it!

Also, when restoration happens, it’s DIFFICULT. When Erin’s husband came home for her temporary rest, it was very pleasant. Then suddenly, without warning, he left again.

If you want to READ MORE about Erin’s temporary restoration, which God used for good because it led to her finding the first ePartner, CLICK HERE and then scroll down to “A Friend Named Sue.”

We tell our newly restored women that what’s most important, is NOT to panic and that they also should NOT try to figure it out. No matter where you are in your RJ, restored or not restored yet, the remedy is to always focus on the Lord, getting closer to Him.

Backsliding after Restoration

A common downfall of restored couples is that far too many women who experience a restored marriage find that they regress and go back to their old ways, which is the danger in restoration.

The other danger is that you move to the other ditch and you don't leave room for your husband to become the spiritual leader because you are trying to do it all. This is the ditch Erin confesses she personally fell into.

Either ditch will result in struggles, and often, the husband may leave again.

Rocky and Rough Return

So let’s make restoration clear—most men who return home (or when they ask you to return home), does NOT feel like the fairytale you dreamed about. Instead, it begins very rough and rocky and often makes the woman feel like she either isn’t “really” restored OR she wants to scream and ask God to undo what He’s done—which is how Erin says she was tempted to do soon after her husband returned.

Yes, this is how many restored women feel after their husbands return home, but trust all of us, the trials are short lived once you refuse to give into all the temptations the enemy will be sure to throw at you!

Thankfully, for Erin, she says she had the same wonderful older woman, Melanie, who most of you read about during your lessons. Erin remembers quietly calling Melanie, simply asking her to pray. When she explained only slightly, Melanie understood (remember she was restored before Erin’s marriage was restored). Melanie said, “Remember, the devil’s not going to let your man go, instead he’s tormenting him even more so he’ll return back to the OW. So hang on to the Lord, Erin, and know He’s going to finish what He started.” Those were wise words and what we are NOW lovingly passing along to you—and what we will remind you of when you submit your restored marriage testimony!

What the Lord showed Erin, later, when she recently asked Him how to encourage each of the recently restored women and to also encourage you now before your marriage is restored, is to compare restoration to pregnancy and birth—something Erin knows a LOT about 😉

Think of finding RMI as a famous fertility doctor who says the opposite of what everyone else has told you, including all the experts—that you will NEVER have a baby. Then you find this fertility doctor (in your case RMI) who tells you “Nothing is impossible with God.” Then lo and behold, you find you are pregnant with hope.

Yet you are frightened by what others are telling you, women who have miscarried or aborted, so fear grips you to the point that the fertility doctor tells you you need no more stress or you will lose your baby, your miracle. So He orders you to complete bedrest, “He makes me lie down in green pastures” with no visitors. And while in bed, to read about your new baby arriving. (Just like RMI tells you to get off Facebook and spending time resting in Him and learning how to deal with trials the right way.)

Then you find you’re miracle is horribly overdue, and the skeptics tell you it’s hopeless, but if you don’t give up, don’t abort, you soon feel that your labor has begun, and the most difficult times of your pregnancy and labor pass slowly, but sure enough, you BIRTH your miracle!

Yet, that’s when the real work and trials begin!!

You return home with a crying, colicky infant, and you’re convinced that it was better when you were pregnant so you could sleep and have some peaceful time alone. Yet, if this miracle is given time and patience and enough love— you’re soon able to establish the same routine you had—what got you pregnant with your miracle. The principles that also brought your pregnancy to term. These are the same principles that will help you get through the temporarily difficult time.

The next phase of restoration is when things suddenly quiet down. And if you haven’t made a mess (by returning to your old ways) during the difficult times, this is the phase when husbands are ready to embrace the necessary changes he needs to make, completing your restoration, where you two become equally yoked.

For Erin it happened when, as a couple, she and her husband attended a seminar together. You may remember reading about it in the Renew Course “Securing Your Success.”

About two weeks after my husband returned home I saw that there was a Christian seminar I had signed up to go to, but then decided not to go. Yet, to my utter shock, my husband said he wanted to go with me!! I didn't even ask him!

When I went to register him I found out that it was the "advanced" seminar, which meant he was ineligible. Yet with God nothing is impossible! A few days later they called to say that the headquarters decided to use the seminar in our city to test and see if it was necessary to always require Seminar 1 before Seminar 2. And that meant my husband could go AND he could go for FREE!!

But it just got better! As soon as I walked in, since it was the advanced seminar, I spotted at least a half a dozen pastors that I went to for help with my marriage. All of whom had said it was impossible. They ALL recognized me and their mouths dropped when they saw whose arm I was holding–my wayward husband whom they said would NEVER return!!

The best was the pastor who said God was honoring the immoral relationship my husband was in. The pastor was all smiles when he came over. He was thinking that I had taken his advice and I found someone new! Isn't that funny?!?! And as soon as I said, "Oh, you remember me speaking about my husband, let me introduce you" the pastor grabbed my husband's hand and shook it vigorously! And during the rest of the seminar he couldn't take his eyes off us as a couple. Before we left he had invited my husband and me to his church several times during the break.

I hope that this will encourage you to KEEP QUIET and let God do His work in you, in your husband and in your marriage. AND most importantly that you run after God and never look back! That you run so fast that your husband will have to overtake you spiritually and even then, by remaining His bride, you will never be less alluring than before because your heart belongs to Another!

And once He's had you alone for long enough, is done perfecting and intensely loving you, you will not need to send out any announcements! He will orchestrate it all for HIS glory!!

It was at this seminar that the Lord gave Erin many desires of her heart, when at the seminar it taught about getting out of debt, and also about trusting God with your fertility. Prior to this Erin’s husband was adamant about them having “no more children!” Yet due to what he learned at the seminar, Erin became pregnant a few months later, with her daughter Tara who now works for RMI, like designing the websites.

Amazingly, you will know when your husband is ready in the same way that mothers know when their children are ready to be potty trained or they’re ready to learn to read. Yet, we will remind you after you’re restored, to not simply trust your instincts, because of course, your husband is NOT one of your children, and even more importantly, that you have a Heavenly Husband who will let you know. And when it’s time, you’ll be ready, please read this now, which is the offer we give to our newly RESTORED women!

Just as it’s disastrous to not potty train your toddler when it’s time (because he/she will end up wearing diapers for a year longer and sometimes even longer!), the same is true for failing to share about your involvement with this ministry and about the FREE Workbooks that will help you live happily together. Yet, if you introduce him to it too soon, it’s the same as trying to potty train a one-year-old: it will take much longer and require too much effort you weren’t meant to carry.

Know this—once your marriage is RESTORED, when your husband comes back home (or asks you to come home)—even though he could be angry or depressed or any other number of reactions to the enemy turning up the heat—that His plan is to complete what He started. So of course, this is the time to spend MORE time with your HH not less—which is another difficulty that He, alone, can solve. Hopefully this recent PR will help!

Since being restored and going back to work I have not had the time together with my HH as I had when I was off work, I have truly missed that time. Now I get up earlier and spend time with him because I need it everyday.

Riding to work was a battle with in itself, which God used for good, answering my prayers to spend more time with Him! Where I live is so crowded the traffic is scary to say the least. Where I work the main entrance has been under construction so all the hundreds of people that work there and also surrounding businesses are leaving out of ONE entrance. During this time of waiting I now have time to spend talking to the Lord, listen to music or just sit quietly with Him. At first I confess I was aggravated because it takes at least a half hour to get just out the parking lot— but now I understand that He was giving me time to spend with Him and now I’m grateful! I’m so thankful that He showed me a way to spend more time with Him—showing me that many of the trials are just Him giving me more time and more of Him.

Bonita in Georgia RESTORED

Just as you SG for when and how to spend time (or doing anything at all) prior to your marriage being restored, now is the time to ask Him to carve out those times now! Just like a new mother needs time to rest and recover and feel rejuvenated, so too does a newly restored woman. So SG, trust God, and then watch for those unique opportunities that the Lord revealed to Bonita 🙂

Again, it was God who restored your marriage because you began to love His Son as your Husband. Take a moment to read what Sonnette shares in her awesome testimony of how trials began to happen, but then she turned back to the Lord.

PRAISE REPORT
“It was Better for Me Then than Now”

It has been a month since I experienced a restored marriage and I have been very happy, my husband and I are so in love. It is everything and more than what my heart desired for a restored marriage. As happy as I am, there has been something missing and I know all too well what it is.... My First Husband. My heart, mind and spirit (in the busyness of work, my home, my husband, my daughter, washing, cooking and tidying) longs for, pants for, my Husband and we both want to get back what I had together: the time alone with Him, speaking to Him, hearing Him speak to me. Once you know THIS awesome HUSBAND you cannot go back.

When you SEEK HIM, He will show you as He showed me. As I read the "What Now" that was sent to me from RMI after submitting my restored marriage testimony. This is what the Lord showed me and it is so funny, LOL, because before I came to RMI I used to pray this same scripture for my then estranged husband, desperately, feverishly—when he was living with the ow!!

Hosea 2:7 “She (I used to put he or my husband) will run after her lovers, but she won’t catch them. She will search for them, but she won’t find them. Then she will say, ‘I’ll go back to my first husband. Things were better for me than they are now.”

Back then, I used to pray desperately for my husband, praying that as he ran after his lovers he would not find them, that he would look for them and not find them. AND NOW I KNOW. These scriptures were for me, yes me!! What struck me was these words from the verses above "I will go back to my husband, it was better for me then than now"!

During my time of being divorced, looking back it was "better for me then than now", my relationship with my Husband was idyllic, I lived for Him, I spent so much time with Him. I loved Him and He loved me; it was such a special time, it was glorious, it was marvelous and it was awesome 🙂 🙂 I loved it!!!!

Ladies, I want to encourage you to enjoy your time with your Husband (while it lasts), because before you know it, if you fall in love with your HH and let go of your EH, you will be restored to your earthly husband and long for your time you once had only for Him.

I praise God for showing me how better it was for me then than now, because my attention and focus was Him and how He taught me through RMI to put Him first. “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first.” Revelation 2:4.

God is so awesome and so in tune with you when you pray, as He shows you great and unsearchable things.

Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to Me and I will answer you and show you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

So I'm happy to run and jump into my Husband’s arms, His love is amazing!!

REMAIN FAITHFUL TO HIM

So should you become spiritually unfaithful again, after your marriage is restored, and you begin turning to others for help or trying to be everything to your EH, He will have no recourse but to again remove your lover and friend.

Revelation 2:4— "But I have this against you, that you have [again] left your first Love."

“You have removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness”—Psalm 88:18

“You have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out”—Psalm 88:8

“She will pursue her lovers, but she will not overtake them; and she will seek them, but will not find them. Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my first Husband, for it was better for me then than now!’”— Hosea 2:7

"The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He wishes"—Proverbs 21:1

As long as you keep the Lord first in your heart, and He truly is FIRST in your life, THEN you will see the Lord turn your husband's heart, not only back to you, but more importantly back to Him. 🙂

In addition, once the Lord has tested you, and He knows He truly is FIRST in your life, THEN you will see the Lord begin to heal and/or deal with your husband. You can't fix him, he can't even fix himself so don't expect him to change or to “work” on anything! God will need to change your husband just as He changed you.

We encourage our newly restored women to allow the Lord to begin working in their husband’s life, so they are equally yoked. By:

1. Continuing to focus on your relationship with the Lord, not on your RESTORED marriage or your husband (what he does or does not do).

2. Continuing to READ your DAILY Newsletter and continue to submit Praise Reports, even if you haven't felt like praising Him. Remember, when we praise, the enemy won't stick around!

3. Continuing their Courses and know that GOD Restored your Marriage, you didn’t restore it.

4. Also, to begin to make room for your husband to hear from God while you focus on Becoming a Marriage Minister—because that's why He restored your marriage—to help others!!

5. CONTINUE to tithe to your storehouse.

ROBBED

Malachi 3:8–10—
“Will a man rob God? Yet you are robbing Me! But you say, ‘How have we robbed Thee?’ In tithes and offerings. You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing Me, the whole nation of you!”

Malachi 3:10-12—
“‘Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be [spiritual] food in My house, and test Me now in this,” says the LORD of hosts, “if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows. Then I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it will not destroy the fruits of the ground; nor will your vine in the field cast its grapes,” says the LORD of hosts. “All the nations will call you blessed, for you shall be a delightful land,” says the LORD of hosts.”

Another way the enemy is eager to rob you of your restoration is failing to tithe to your storehouse. This can become a challenge if your husband returns and takes over the finances.

When Erin’s husband returned home, he took over their finances, which is when Erin had to seek God to know how to continue tithing. Amazingly, as Erin said, the Lord had her sign up for a Seminar before her husband returned. And rather than moving from the narrowroad that led to her restoration, and falling into the ditch of becoming a super-submissive, aka doormat, Erin explained her need to go to the seminar (to continue being the wife and mother he and our children deserved so the "old Erin" didn't return). In utter shock, not only did Erin’s husband say it was okay for her to go to the seminar she signed up for, BUT he asked if he could go with her!!

Yet, again as we mentioned, due to it being the "advanced" seminar, Erin was initially told No, then they contacted her and said that they were going to try in just this one city to see if it was necessary that the Basic Training Seminar needed to be taken first AND that due to it being a "trial" her husband could go for free!! We all know this was God, and not only did it give Erin the desires of her heart to be able to go, but also due to Erin faithfully tithing—the devourer was rebuked.

In the Advanced Seminar Erin’s husband learned about tithing to their storehouse and also trusting God for their fertility—that resulted in not just Tara, but Erin’s 3 Restoration babies! It also meant that as a couple they tithed beginning March 1991 (the weekend of the seminar is when my husband tithed for the very first time, tithing to the seminar we attended, since he wasn't attending a church yet).

We continued to tithe as a couple and family until the Administrative pastor of our church in 2005 informed us that our ministry shouldn't tithe that I share in Course 5, on Wednesday The Whole "Tithe"  to your Storehouse.

More TESTIMONIES

Ana, restored since 2003, tithes from her husband's business, we assume, because she pays all the family's and business's bills. Nevertheless, we can tell she’s bringing the whole tithe, and as a result, they are not only happily restored, but Ana’s Spanish Ministry is flourishing!!

Another woman, Cathy, ended up choosing Plan B of restoring her marriage and actually didn't wait for her restoration; sadly, she remarried someone else. However, she continued to tithe to RMI for years. Later she confessed to being completely miserable (due to not waiting for her husband to return). Then a crisis hit their family and we felt led to ask her about giving her husband A Wise Man. She did and he devoured it, and soon afterwards, he became not just her spiritual leader, but also a spiritual leader to her son-in-law whose wife (Cathy’s daughter) left him. Together the men began studying a WM and both began tithing to RMI because they said it was their spiritual storehouse. Her son got his job back and we’re hoping to hear his marriage was restored too. As for Cathy, she wrote recently how amazingly they’ve been doing financially, and for the first time, they purchased a beautiful home!

So how can you prevent the devourer from robbing you of your restoration and your ministry of Encouraging other women with your Testimony once your marriage is restored?

By first LEARNING and applying all the principles you’re learning in your lessons NOW.

ALSO, understanding that like birthing a child, miracles are exciting, but then become very difficult—especially when you’re not prepared for your miracle!

I DON'T WANT My Marriage Restored Anymore!

Throughout our lessons, we've encouraged you to let go of your EH "earthly husband" and turn toward your heart towards your HH "Heavenly Husband" Who is longing to meet all your needs for love and protection— in order to heal you, making you less needy and therefore no longer vulnerable to others hurting you.

Very often it's at the moment when you no longer really want restoration that God restores your marriage. We've seen it in countless RMT "Restored Marriage Testimonies."

Yet not wanting your marriage restored, needs to be for the RIGHT reasons. It has to be with the right heart. And what heart is that?

The women who say they've come to the decision that they don't want their marriage restored, who DO have the right heart, often feel badly. Stating who they say they really want and need is just the Lord. Erin stated that's how she felt. She could sense her restoration was close, so she said she began to speak to the Lord about it, "Please, let's not mess up a good thing, let's leave it just you and Me. Please."

Yet, we've been surprised by how some women show their heart by stating they no longer want restoration and go on to say— that's why they are leaving RMIEW, which makes no sense at all. Once you feel this, and you have the right heart, is when the Lord can restore your marriage or use you to help others.

So this statement, along with saying it's why they are leaving, shows a heart that is either bitter or sadly is still lacking the LOVE we are trying to help each of you find.

Even the Apostle Paul stated a highly beneficial reason for wanting to encourage others to remain unmarried in:

1 Corinthians 7:7-16 MSG— “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But singleness is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. “I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to an emotionally tortured life as a single. “And if you are married, stay married. This is the Master’s command, not mine. If a wife should leave her husband, she has two choices, she must either remain single or else come back and make things right with him. “For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do...If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife... Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God. On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you’ve got to let him or her go. You should not hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God.”

He went on to say in 1 Corinthians 7: 34-35 MSG—

“I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder.”

Bottom line is this, by the time you've come this far in your restoration journey you're no longer the woman who began. Your heart has experienced the Lord and this means, wanting what HE wants for you.

Set_free

“...and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." —John 8:32

Now it's time to CLICK HERE and pour out your heart to the Lord and Journal "What I Learned."