Day 4 Securing Your Success 4:
but first an Amazing Testimony
After God Receives the Glory for Restoring my Marriage!
"Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord or of me His prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity"—2 Timothy 1:8-9
When my husband left on March 29, 2004, my heart was so crushed I thought I could never go on! Within the first week I knew God had to allow my husband to be removed from our home to get my attention, so He could show me what a contentious and un-submissive wife I was. I hurt through my whole being when I looked in the mirror God held before me! I knew I had work to do in my life, but I didn't know where or how to begin. I was a Christian, but my faith wasn't very strong. I cried out to God for help!! Some of my Christian friends got me started with really believing and trusting God to help us through our struggles and to bring my husband back.
I found RMI through a Christian friend, and the "Be Encouraged" videos were a very great help to me! I want to thank Erin for those videos and the help I got through them. My ePartner and the Small Group Fellowship were always an inspiration and a help to me during my difficult times. I thank God for all their prayers and encouragement!
It was amazing what all God showed me once I laid my life before Him for Him to cleanse me. Never in my life did I want God to just cleanse me so completely! It was very painful, as God pulled out root after root of things in my life that I didn't realize were there! In spite of the deep pain of rejection, and the fact that my husband was with another woman — I felt peace and joy inside as God cleansed me. It was such a blessing to feel free of all those burdens! I WANTED to serve and believe God, and submit to my husband like I never had before!! I've never been sorry for that time of cleansing and still try to praise God every day for that! I love the Lord!!
At first it seemed things got worse, but as I asked God to soften my husband's heart, there were many times that I saw that prayer answered very quickly. God was so good to me! I saw many miracles happen! One thing that always thrilled me was to see what God would do after I did a seven-day fast. Every time, he moved my husband's heart very obviously! At the end of my first one he broke up with the OW!! Other times he was kind and wanted an intimate time with me. A week after my last one (which I believe was my seventh) my husband came home!! That was on New Year's Day, nine months and 3 days after he left!! Talk about BIRTHING a miracle! I thought that was awesome! God is so good!!
The importance of the wife's submission: to her Lord first and then to her husband — were the most important things I learned! I also learned that we must have complete trust and faith in God in-spite of how hopeless our situation looks! That God is the only one that can change our situation! I cannot play the Holy Spirit's role in my husband's life!! But most important was Who my Husband really was, who my first love had to be, and who I needed to pursue and yearn for. NO longer my husband, but the Lord my new Husband!
The times the OW would come over here on our farm to be with my husband were the most difficult and painful times I ever experienced. I really don't know how I got through those times except that God held me up! I could not have done it without God!! God held me up during those times that my husband would say many hateful and painful things to me; and yes, that he was never coming home. I marvel at how God kept me from saying all kinds of words to him that I knew I shouldn't say, and that I hardly ever felt any anger towards him. No credit to myself, but I just praise God for what He taught me through His Word, through fasting, and due to who I knew I had, my true and faithful Lover, Jesus.
My husband lived on our farm during our entire separation in a camper! The worst day of my life turned out to be my greatest day due to passing a test. A week before he came "home," the enemy laid a trap for me, I came up to the camper early in morning and found a woman in the bed. She didn't know I was there so I quietly left, my heart dying within me! I left to go be with a friend, one of my ePartners from my fellowship, as it was too difficult to stay at home and I did not want do trip up and do something I knew I shouldn't. When I ran to Him in my prayer closet, my Husband said "Go" so I went without saying too much and giving my children a reason so that no one suspect anything.
During that next week my husband asked our daughter a lot about me for the first time since he left and said that he'd often thought about coming home. He was worried about where I was! Imagine that?!?! About a week later he came home for good!! May God receive all the glory as no one could've done such a wonderful thing but God!! Had I connived something like this, I know it would have blown up in my face and set me way back. But I see how God used what the enemy used to tempt me, trying his best to use it to destroy me. But I was ready and won the battle against my flesh to act on my hurt.
The way the restoration actually happened was that my husband called me on New Year's morning at 1:45 am to wish me a Happy New Year! He then said, "I'd really like for us to get back together and start the New Year out differently — if you still want to." They were the sweetest words I had heard from him; he had said nothing nice at all to me for over nine months!! I could hardly believe it!! I told him, "Yes, this is my desire as well." The truth was, my desire was, to do the will of my Father, which He had told me during one of my fasts (when I could hear Him so clearly) that He wanted marriage restoration for me and our family. I wanted HIM and no one else, but as you always say Erin, "this is when we know (and He knows and you know) we are close, and that our husbands are just outside on our doorstep." I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back I see it so clearly how right you were, even the final test that you told us we could not pass if we were not careful at obeying everything that He used to get us ready for our test.
After our marriage was restored it was pretty rough at first, I have to admit that. But it keeps getting better as the time goes on because the Lord is who I still focus on. And every time I neglect my time with the Lord things get worse. But that signals me that I need more of Him and then as soon as I get my focus back on Him (which is harder when a husband is there with you) I see my husband becoming more and more loving. This I know I needed to learn how to do well during my restoration process, because it would have been impossible to learn it later on when my husband is here. God knows I never would have been able to do it and why you tell us that He doesn't restore marriages until He sees we are ready for it.
And now, for the first time in our marriage we are really enjoying our time together. I am still praying for his salvation, but I know the Lord will finish what He started! I am glad it's not my problem, but His! God is so awesome and He works things out so miraculously—just look at me!!
Although I do believe God receives the glory for restoring my marriage, I also again want to publicly thank Erin for her hard work in her ministry. I believe she gets very little thanks for helping so many of us find God's will and making it through this restoration process. May God bless your work, and may everyone that is traveling along this restoration journey be encouraged to believe and trust God completely through this difficult and painful time!
~Faith in Missouri, RESTORED
Honestly, is it really possible to Secure Success
in your life, in anyone's life?
Though most people believe that the Bible is simply a history lesson or a book that is filled with "Thou shalt not" commandments. The truth is that the Bible is filled with wonderful and life-changing PROMISES!
In order for you to believe this and understand this truth, here are a few promises from God with the CONDITION attached to them.
This was taken from A Wise Woman, chapter 5, that each of you will be studying in the "Rebuild" portion of RRR:
Each promise given by God has a condition for that blessing. Many will claim the blessing portion of the Scripture and omit the condition. You cannot claim the Scripture and choose to ignore the condition.
Condition —“Believe on the Lord Jesus . . .
Promise —and you shall be saved” (Acts 16:31).
Condition —“Delight yourself in the LORD . . .
Promise —And He will give you the desires of your heart” (Ps. 37:4).
Condition —“Train up a child in the way he should go . . .
Promise —Even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6).
Promise —“. . . God causes all things to work together for good . . .
Condition —“to those who love God . . .”
“. . . to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).
The main purpose of our RRR is to help women SUCCEED and therefore, we want to be sure that YOU and every other woman who comes to us with the right heart are in a POSITION to be blessed and succeed.
God Has Told Me
Many women truly believe that since God TOLD them or gave them signs or ever a "word was spoken" to them from a prophet, that restoration WILL happen some day. But that is not true.
Even though His WILL is for you to have a restored marriage, His will is NOT always done. If it were then Jesus would not have made it a point, when teaching us how to pray, to include "Thy will be done." In addition, we know that God wants ALL people, EVERYONE to be saved, but we know not every one is saved. Why? Well due to their being a "condition" attached to every promise—including "believe on the Lord Jesus Christ" and then "you will be saved."
Let's focus on that particular verse since it is "NOT by works of righteousness" that we are saved from eternity apart from Him. Why? Lest any of us boasts that we have done anything! Look again at the testimony above. Faith never took credit since she knew the only part she played was obeying and beginning to yearn for the Lord. When you do this, the rest seems to fall into place.
However, if a person did not obey God and put Him first, just because they "pray the prayer" for salvation, there will be NO fruits—not on earth, which means that person isn't going to heaven no matter what they "think." The same is true for women who break all the principles of restoration but demand and are angry because they have waited so long for what He promised them.
We see this in Faith's testimony. She was ready for restoration due to her obedience and strong relationship with the Lord. For God to restore a marriage when the wife is not ready will bring about a greater disaster and more heartache for you and everyone involved.
In this lesson we are going to INTRODUCE and help familiarize you with a few more of principles for marriage restoration that may be new to you. These are just seeds we want to sow into your hearts and minds, and then later, teach them more in depth—watering them.
Now we'd like to teach you three KEY principles.
Though it is always risky to speak about money (since it is most people's god), we know that there is far too much at stake to NOT teach you this principle—to show you how important tithing is to your restoration.
If we fail to teach it to the degree of it's importance, then the enemy (not your husband or courts or anyone else) will continue to have PERMISSION to steal from you—your restoration and everything else you're working and changing so hard for.
“...behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat"—Luke 22:31.
And like all obedience, it is not until AFTER you obey that you really and fully understand. Understanding follows obedience. What God asks to use instead of understanding (when moving us to take the first step), is faith. Not just in tithing, in everything. Once you obey, it's like you breakthrough dense fog into the light!
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen"—Hebrews 11:1 NKJV
That's what happens when you begin obeying God's principle to tithe. It's not until you tithe that you will be able to watch this truth unfolding before your eyes. As soon as you begin to tithe, you won't believe what will begin to happen in your life! Everything will begin to turn around. I have seen it hundreds of times and it is just as exciting every time I watch it happen.
God wants to bless you so much, that only in this ONE area, He even asks us to TEST Him! Because He knows that when you do, you will then fully understand and be able to witness what happens.
"...test Me now in this,' says the LORD of hosts, 'if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows"— Malachi 3:10
As soon as we see a new woman giving her tithe, we actually watch and almost immediately see a praise report come in about a breakthrough! No, not an instant Restoration Testimony, but something that was a stronghold, something that has never budged.
“Then your light will break out like the dawn, And your recovery will speedily spring forth; And your righteousness will go before you; The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard"—Isaiah 58:8
Whenever we are baffled by WHY a woman's life has not begun to turn around or things all of a sudden turn terribly wrong, we look to see if she has been tithing faithfully. 99 times out of 100 this is the reason. They have not begun to tithe or they have stopped tithing.
"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary"—Galatians 6:9
"But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary of doing good"—2 Thessalonians 3:13
Before we began offering so much spiritual nourishment, through our Daily Encourager and also through these lessons, we never could accurately check to see if the woman was faithfully tithing to her storehouse or not—since we may not have been her storehouse.
"Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account"—Hebrews 13:17
If she was being spiritually fed by her church, then we encouraged her to tithe there and not to us.
"'Bring the whole tithe into the STOREHOUSE, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this,' says the LORD of hosts"— Malachi 3:10-11
However, we found that far too often what they were learning in their church did little good to help restore her marriage or heal her from her pain.
"Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then has not the health of the daughter of my people been restored?"—Jeremiah 8:22
"My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge"—Hosea 4:6
So we stepped in to fulfill this huge need so many women had.
"‘Thus says the Lord GOD, “Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will demand My sheep from them and make them cease from feeding sheep. So the shepherds will not feed themselves anymore, but I will deliver My flock from their mouth, so that they will not be food for them”’”—Ezekiel 34:10
The churches need to feed the true word of God and begin giving her people what they NEED during an epidemic—the church as an epidemic of marriage crisis, divorce, and adultery! If over 50% of people in the church are being destroyed by something (that destroys the entire family) then this should be their sermon EVERY Sunday until we, His people, were able to show the rest of the dying world what GOD can do!
Prior to us providing daily encouragement, like our Encourager and RRR Lessons, women had our books, their Bible, maybe the videos and occasionally an ePartner. But only a FEW of the women (as compared to how many came for help), ONLY the most disciplined women, were able to feed themselves as much as they needed to be fed. From years of being neglected of the spiritual food to prevent or recover from a failed or crumbling marriage, we all needed huge doses of the truth to wash our minds clean of lies, and then enough of the truth to build us up and build up our relationship with the One who we had been unfaithful to.
These few restored women (a few but their testimonies are enough to fill many books), were not enough for us. We wanted to help more, help everyone, by addressing the problem at the source.
“Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus said to him, “Feed My sheep"—John 21:17
We have had our Daily Encouragement on our site for a long time now, but then through a crisis with our site (which is how most things are birthed) it led to us SENDING or delivering spiritual nourishment everyday. And we began focusing on what women in marriage crisis needed most! Not more Bible knowledge to make us more proud to put our husbands down and go around judging everyone! We needed to know how to be His bride, be a wife, mother and a homemaker. But even before that, we have to learn how to get out of crisis and get back what the enemy stole from us!
Part is through knowledge, but a key component is whether or not we are tithing to our storehouse. And as soon as we saw what God was doing, we could see that the majority of women were now being fed by us, we knew where their storehouse was. Therefore not only are we now able to monitor what they need, to strengthen them spiritually, we can now monitor if they come to the place of obedience by giving their tithes. Or, instead, if is just one "more" principle they have chosen to ignore.
"But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was"—James 1:22-24
God speaks about money more than anything else in the Bible, even more than sin, heaven, hell or salvation. Did you know that? It's because evil is rooted in the "love" of money. And how we handle the money God gives to us (whether through working or from our husbands or what we get from the government) is tied to our hearts. So how you handle your finances and how obedient you are tells Him (and us) what is in your heart.
"For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs"—1 Timothy 6:10
"And the one on whom seed was sown among the thorns, this is the man who hears the word, and the worry of the world and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful"—Matthew 13:22
The hardest part for us is finding the balance between teaching you what you desperately need to learn and be faithful to follow— while not appearing that we are out to get your money. The truth is, people believe what they WANT to believe. This is true about your husband believing what he is doing is okay or the OW says she is not an adulteress (like my husband's girlfriend told me). It's being open to the truth—the truth that will set you free, your husband free and the OW free.
However, just like with your husband, God promises to turn the heart. "The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He wishes"—Proverbs 21. By giving you our books and lessons for free (and even when necessary our videos), we hope it proves we are not doing this for the money.
"Many will seek the favor of a generous man, and every man is a friend to him who gives gifts"—Proverbs 19:6
Already just due to Him speaking to so many hearts, a few women will begin to donate to our "ministry of reconciliation" that He has called all of us to, long before we teach about it because they are already learning to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit.
"Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave US the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation"—2 Corinthians 5:18-19.
Everything we gave to you is a free GIFT—in the very same way, and to use as an example of how Jesus gave us salvation as His FREE gift! And in the same way, He does not want you to pay Him back and neither do we. He gave His gift because He loves you. We and our partners gave (and continue to give) because we love you too! We have been watching you growing and even stumbling, and like a mother we often know we need to step back and let you get back up again, and for those who can't, we lift them up.
The hardest part for us is to get women to trust us and to give tithing a try. Just the fact that God actually says to "test Him" should be enough, but we still see when it isn't.
When we began our ministry we naturally followed what many churches and ministries did, by letting everyone know that we "needed" their support. It took a long hard road, strewn with many valleys and raging rivers to finally understand (though it should have been obvious) that a ministry is no different than a person or family. That means if God said HE WOULD supply ALL our needs and He said it was vain for us to rise early, go to bed late and painfully labor because HE GIVES to us even while we sleep—then He means it and so should we!
"It is vain for you to rise up early, To retire late, To eat the bread of painful labors; For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep"—Psalm 127:2
When we get up early, as early as 3 AM it is not because we have to, but because we want to. Helping women has become our passion once He became our passion, due solely to pouring out what He pours into us!
And ever since we began to fully embrace the principle of God providing all our ministry needs, we simply have not had any financial worries. If we need more for anything, He provides it.
"And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus"—Philippians 4:19
And once He is able to, God also is anxious to give you a bonus. Once you have passed the heart tests (and trust me, you will be tested) He wants to and loves to do more.
"Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him"—Isaiah 30:18
What is this bonus He longs to give us?
He longs to cause blessings to "overtake" us! This means that BEFORE we get to the place where we "need" more, He increases us financially (or in any other need) have already having the increase waiting there for us!
"All these blessings will come upon you and overtake you if you obey the LORD your God"—Deuteronomy 28:2.
Now that we have come to this place of obeying, the understanding of these principles, we are free to focus solely on speaking and serving the truth without having to worrying whether or not we get people to give to us! Now that we have our NEEDS met, we can also focus on giving to others!
"...and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free”—John 8:32
Yes, we are free to give, but not at the risk of not making room for you to give in our relationship, which is what we all learned in the very first lesson "Establishing Strong Relationships." We need to follow the same principles that we explain to you are so important in your relationships. This means that if we give too much, and leave no room for you to give back, then we will only serve to hurt the very persons whom we've come to love so dearly, YOU.
Are we being honest? Have we really come to love you that way? Well let me ask you this? Can anyone care and nurture growth in anything or anyone without becoming attached to it or them? And you and I can't pray for someone without becoming spiritually and emotionally entangled in their well-being, right? It's impossible and that's why in our "Letting Go" lesson (for those who can't let go of their husbands) we encourage women to STOP praying for their husbands until their hearts are steadfast for the Lord only.
The other part of giving too much is that without an outlet a person's soul becomes the Dead Sea. When something is poured into us, we need to have a way to pour out in that very area of our lives. Which is why, if you continue along this Restoration Journey with us, you will soon find yourself sharing such amazing truths, Scriptures you've learned along your journey, with other women in crisis.
Not only do you need an outlet so you're not the Dead Sea, but you need to have a way to redirect WHERE (or should I say "who") you naturally want to teach and lead?
Women since the beginning of time have misled their husbands, leading to generations of trouble— due to us wanting to lead and even teach men instead of them leading and teaching us (and their children). We want to get you set up, now, and in the habit of pouring out everything you've learned into women who will be eager to listen and soak up everything you have to say. Women just like you once were—desperate and hungry for the truth!
Jesus was clear that we are to make disciples, which is why the last thing He said was:
"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations...teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age"—Matthew 28:19
“If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine"—John 8:31
If you struggle with the concept of tithing, just read the verses below everyday.
"'Bring the whole tithe [one tenth of all your income] into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this,' says the LORD of hosts, 'if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows. THEN I will rebuke the devourer for you…' says the LORD of hosts."— Malachi 3:10-12
"You have sown much, but harvest little; you eat, but there is not enough to be satisfied; you put on clothing, but no one is warm enough; and he who earns, earns wages to put into a purse with holes."
"You look for much, but behold, it comes to little; when you bring it home, I blow it away Why?" declares the LORD of hosts, "Because of My house which lies desolate, while each of you runs to his own house." Haggai 1:5, 9.
Don't try to DO anything: if it isn't coming naturally, don't force it. What is most important is that you begin to learn how to change by inner conviction, not outward force.
2. Stay away from all counseling or opposing teachings.
One of the other very important principles is when women fall into DOUBLE-MINDEDNESS.
Whenever we see a restoration that has not been succeeding in a timely fashion, even though they are tithing, the Lord always seems to show us that this other KEY principle is behind it.
Some of you, like many of our other members, may have come from a "standers" ministry. OR you may have gotten professional help, like a counselor. Or you may have spoken to your own pastor/priest seeking their advice.
There is such a danger in having two sources where you are getting help from, it is called double-mindedness.
“But let him ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” —James 1:6-8
“I hate those who are double-minded, but I love Thy law.” —Psalm 119:13
God's Laws, like all laws, are put in place for our PROTECTION. Double-mindedness causes us to lack the faith we need to believe God, AND it causes us to follow contrary principles, much like taking medicine that cause adverse affects.
When you are under the care of a physician, he is always careful to find out about other medications, vitamins or even food you eat that could cause adverse affects. Our Physician does the same.
"Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no Physician there? Why then has not the health of the daughter of my people been restored?" —Jeremiah 8:22
The reason most women are never restored is due to superficial healing that they get, usually found in the psychology-based techniques used by counselors and too many pastors/leaders in the church. The only counselor you need is the One who is also called the Prince of Peace!
"And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace"— Isaiah 9:6.
You might be thinking, "I am already tithing so I AM giving!" No, you are not giving if you tithe, you are simply no longer stealing from God. GIVING is different.
"Will a man rob God? Yet you are robbing Me! But you say, 'How have we robbed You?' In tithes AND offerings. You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing Me"—Malachi 3:8-9
And no, giving doesn't mean we are asking or suggesting you give more money to anyone. Just relax and let us finish the very last key principle.
With every principle you will learn, God's ways are the opposite from the world's ways—the way you probably have been living.
When most people have a need they go out and get it or earn it or do something else that makes sense. But the only thing that works is what God says. He is the one who set the world and its principles in motion, therefore, it's the only thing you will see that works!
And He says that when we have a need, we must GIVE in order to receive!!
"Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure--pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return"—Luke 6:38
Again, we want to ASSURE your success, therefore, this principle is required, not simply suggested.
In each and every area that you need God to give to you, you need to GIVE first.
* if you need encouragement, you need to GIVE encouragement.
* if you need forgiveness, you need to GIVE forgiveness.
* if you need financial blessings, you need to GIVE financially.
* if you are coming only to GET from this ministry, you will leave with nothing.
We will ask you pass along the encouragement you get from us. In other words, be open and ready to give encouragement to everyone around you. Very soon it will become a new way of life—a prosperous and exciting life!
Let me conclude with this, there will be many principles throughout your restoration journey, but once you begin to follow these THREE key principles, we believe that you will be blessed beyond what you are hoping for—more than you ever dreamed!
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." —1 Corinthians 2:9
“If you love me, you will obey what I command.” —John 14:15