but first 3 TESTIMONIES!
Women involved in a Standers Ministry are taught to "say" they're Married, even though they are NOT.
Women who do so find themselves confused and begin applying principles that will make a marriage situation even worse rather than better.
"For where envy and self-seeking exist, CONFUSION and every evil thing." James 3:16 NKJV
Instead, remember “...and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." —John 8:32.
Marriage Restored AFTER a Divorce!!!!
I had to e-mail you and tell you that my husband and I were remarried last Friday!! NEW RINGS and everything!!!!!
Glory to our God Who ALWAYS leads us to triumph in Christ Jesus! Our God is able to deliver us from the jaws of the lion; I am fully persuaded that our God is able to do that which He has promised!
Thank you for your daily encouragement and for the wisdom and counsel of God that you have sown into our lives through all your books, videos, website fellowship and the preparation that you have shared through the Word and your testimony to prepare me for the days ahead. I am excitedly experiencing and expecting that the latter glory of this house shall be greater than the former! Our God is a restorer of more than all we had before. God bless Restore Ministries richly! Our God is truly a Restorer of the ruins, a Repairer of the devastation of our generations!
~Faith* in Nebraska, RESTORED
Marriage Restored After 5-Month Separation!
Thank you so much for being obedient and starting this ministry. It has truly helped me. All praises go to God our Father — my marriage was restored after only 5 months of separation!!! I put my wedding rings back on after I read the significance of them, but this time with the right focus of who I needed to focus on, Jesus!!!
Soon after completely letting go and making the Lord first, my husband called at 1 a.m., asking if I would have the garage door open, because he was on his way home!!!! It worked because now I am trusting God and applying the principles that I learned in all your books and videos!!!!
Thank you so much!!!!
~Kitty* in Wisconsin, RESTORED
Amazing Successes to Restoration and Thereafter!
I was desperate for years before finding Restore Ministries — since 1995. I found you through another ministry that listed RMI as an alternative. I learned and read and reread "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage." I realized that I had dishonored God by how my husband and our family was first. I was a true hypocrite because I was not a true lover of the Lord. That’s when I began to shut up. I wrote letters to all the people I had talked to and told them my own shortcomings and sins (not my husband because I knew my first love needed to be God and not impressing my husband). Instead of how I tore him down behind his back, I began to build my husband up in our daughter's eyes, and to encourage her to love her dad unconditionally.
I learned that all I ever needed was Jesus Christ. I also learned what a treasure my husband and family truly are (that God had given me, which I began to worship over the Lord). How true that you can win the whole world, but if the Lord is not first, then your family is not with you, it is a hollow fake existence.
Mostly, I realized not to deride nor ask questions of my husband and the reason was that it didn’t matter. I learned, through prayer, that God turned the situation the way He did to change me to wanting Him more. What a surprise that I did not have to beg, nor did I have to threaten, nor did I have to scream as I had been doing. I had to let go, be kind to everyone and pray (just talking and listening to God a LOT). There were very serious changes to make in me and God is still making serious life changes in me. Truthfully, I still have a long way to go.
As I started to change and my heart was clearly for Him, God turned the situation around. After my husband came back home, I had to visit the places and do the things he had done with her (the OW). I still was dying on the inside. It was very painful. Had I not had Be Encouraged videos, I would have cracked under the pressure.
I still have the videos, but most I have passed along to help other women (I began helping others which I believe had a lot to do with and when things changed in my relationships). A "Wise Woman Builds Her House" workbook just found a new home two weeks ago with a woman who was tearing her house down. All of these resources were so needed by others! The videos and "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage" were vital to my restoration. My advice — "Get as much as you can!"
My husband has been home a little over a year now. It has been very difficult because the tests are harder and why He had to refine me as He did. Ladies, do not give up. I praise God because my husband sleeps with his arms around me and holds my hands and constantly says he loves me. I praise God because there was a time when he never said those things. And the more I fall in love with the Lord, the more loving and affectionate my husband is to me just as Erin said he would.
Here is another exciting detail — I have been married for 25 years now and I used to beg my husband to read the Word of God with me. After I fell in love with the Lord, I saw it happening to him!! He now wakes me up sometimes, and often insists on reading the Bible and praying with me. Now we read and pray every morning since October!!! He reads and explains the Word to me, and then seven months later (after I stopped going to church) the Lord led my husband to church!! He has been going now one year!!! I give all of the glory to God. I can only thank God.
~Kelly in New York, RESTORED
So You're Separated—Don't Panic!
If you're currently separated, it's time to get quiet and don't make mistakes that will prolong your separation or push it into a divorce.
Instead of Fretting—
Even though you don't feel like it, did you know there is a book and ministry based solely on how our lives can turn around in an instant if we praise God even for difficult and horrible things?
You can to begin to PRAISE GOD you are the majority!! Most women come to our ministry when they are separated—AND it’s where approximately 75% of our RESTORED Marriages come from!!
That means—being Separated is a GREAT place to be!
Though you would rather your husband still be living with you, his absence is going to give you MORE time to spend ALONE with the Lord. It also gives you time to STUDY so that your mind can be renewed. You are in a better place even though it doesn't "feel" like it!
Something else that is VERY important—separation gives your marriage time to HEAL. Healing is very, very important. This is why we encourage women, whose husbands have left or those whose husbands have asked them to leave, to NOT contact their husbands—not for ANY reason!
If you want your marriage to HEAL, do NOT contact your husband. (*read below UNLESS you have been the one who initiated the separation: you left or you asked your husband to leave).
Though there will be MANY reasons why you "feel" you must contact him via an email, a text, a short phone call, or even sending a message through someone else (like your child, friend, coworker or family member) if you do it is like picking a scab!
A scab that is picked bleeds more and leaves a scar, which basically is a bad memory that is not forgotten.
Take this time of separation to study, read, and sit in the presence of the Lord so He can heal you and transform you. When it's time for your NEW relationship to begin, God will cause it to happen and it will be your husband who initiates it, NOT you!
Are you ready for some MORE encouragement?
We felt led to share these testimonies that we offer our women who are facing divorce or who are already divorced. Why? In order to help you not FEAR the possibility that this separation leads to your husband filing for divorce.
The reason we want you to face the possibility of divorce now is so that you don't open the door for that to happen. How can it happen and it become a probability and not a possibility? It WILL happen if you don't let go and put God first in your life, in your heart and in you mind.
We also want to make sure you do not FOOLISHLY ever file for divorce. The ONLY time you would file is ONLY IF your HUSBAND TELLS YOU TO. However, if it is you who is taunting him or you're bringing up divorce, he could tell you to file. However, this scenario will serve to destroy your restoration, just as if you ran off and filed for the divorce yourself.
What we want to do by sharing these testimonies is to show you that no matter HOW FAR God wants to take YOUR Restoration Journey, that you don't ever have to FEAR or pull back. Just make sure it's HIS plan and it is not YOU who is taking it to the point of divorce.
Though thinking about DIVORCE may absolutely and completely terrifying to you, women who have experienced a restored marriage learned that we had to look at everything differently than the people of the world—looking at every trial the way GOD looks at it.
The reason God allows difficulties in your life was to put you in a position and giving you an opportunity to be blessed! And the only reason so few Christians ARE blessed is due to living in FEAR because they know little to nothing about following His principles and trusting His promises!!
If things progress and divorce is ever mentioned, as believers we shouldn't panic or succumb to fear. People who don't know and are not close to God should panic, but as a Christian panic should never be part of a believer's life!! Panic is not God's plan at all, and it is NOT the way HE wants you react to fear either! Why? Because FEAR opens the door for all kinds of unwanted and additional troubles. The only remedy to FEAR is to learn the truth today and begin to RENEW your mind so that you can find that perfect peace no matter what happens.
Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
First, you need to understand that some people, like your husband, may believe that what is going to make him happy is no longer being married to you. He may believe that his unhappiness is because he is still married to you. People who are seeking a divorce truly and honestly believe that once the divorce goes through things will be better for them.
Part of the remedy is to not contribute to him feeling that he needs to take this step because you won't leave him alone. So leave your husband alone OR get ready to pay the consequences of him feeling forced to file.
Interestingly, even if it goes as far as a divorce being filed, if a wife does NOT fight her husband in court, but let's him go, relief is NOT how the husband ends up feeling. In almost every single case, when women apply the principles we teach, once the divorce is final ex-husbands find that they are NOT happier, AND they come to their senses. They see that they have made a HUGE mistake. This is GOD'S PLAN for allowing divorces to go through—His only plan!
God knows that some men need to see what they have lost, a good wife, who no longer is his wife once the divorce goes through. Sadly too many try to stop it and due to them either praying or pleading cause more destruction—prolonging or stopping restoration completely.
This is why women (at every stage) need to let go and become invisible. If men feel they still have a wife (either an annoying one OR one that is ready, willing and able), WHY would he want you back? He won't.
This is especially true, when, out of fear, a woman like yourself tries to STOP a divorce (either before it's filed or once it is filed). If it is stopped prematurely, then the remorse that some men need can NEVER happen. Instead the divorce actually fulfills EXACTLY what your husband had hoped it would—he used it to rid himself of you—because you simply would not LET GO of him.
If you still don't believe us, then read this testimony. Erin was very careful to let go of her husband (as she says in her Be Encouraged videos), she did not try to stop the divorce from going through (also as she says in her videos) and that's when her husband realized his mistake immediately afterwards. Read it here in her husband's own words!
The Testimony of
How God Restored Our Marriage
by Dan Thiele
In January of 1989, I left Erin for another woman. However, the Lord gave Erin the heart and endurance to believe God could restore our marriage. It was during this fiery trial that Erin became a new woman. She studied the Bible concerning marriage and began to apply the principles in her life. She never told me, I could just see it.
Like the three youths who were thrown into the fiery furnace, Erin too became “loosed” of things in her life that had her “bound.” She also found herself walking with another, her precious Lord. (See Daniel 3:25.)
Everyone, even the most respected pastors in our city, told Erin that it was hopeless to fight against my desire to leave her and be with another woman. But Erin found in God’s Word that “nothing is impossible with God”! (Luke 1:37) It was during this time that she founded Restore Ministries to help other women who also wanted their marriages restored. She began by sharing with each of them the Scriptures the Lord had shown her. Soon there were too many women to help individually, so she began to type out the Bible references on an old typewriter her mom gave her. Some of the women who came to her meetings had never held a Bible in their hands, so Erin began to type out entire verses and then make copies to minister to these hurting and abandoned women.
However, the more Erin helped other women, the worse her situation became. Her fiery furnace was turned up when I actually divorced her in October of 1990 mainly because the other woman paid for it. However, even after this I saw she had such a peace, the peace she needed to not fight or contest the divorce, but to trust in her Lord. Undaunted, Erin continued to minister to other women by sharing more of the Word of God. She later told me that she promised the Lord that if He would restore her marriage to the man she loved, me, she would devote her entire life to helping women in marriage crises. He did and she did.
Our marriage was miraculously restored a large part due to Erin’s obedience to not obtain an attorney. God delivered me from my mistake (that I actually immediately regretted once it was final) when it was discovered that even though the judge had granted the divorce on October 30, the papers that had been filed by my attorney had to be overturned due to an error in the paperwork! This, to me, was the first sign from God that He would “somehow” deliver me from the cords that had me bound to the adulteress. Had Erin had an attorney, or if she had fought me, the divorce would not have been overturned and I would never have come back.
Erin “hoped against all hope” (one of her favorite scriptures Rom. 4:18) and received her miracle on January 29, 1991 at 11:10 p.m. when I finally returned home to Erin and our four children. This was after my adultery, and after I divorced her, just a little over two years after I left her and more than a year after she began to minister to other women.
Are you still not convinced about how God feels about letting go? What if we told you HIS PLAN is for you become a BRIDE?!?
A BRAND NEW BRIDE
Now that you're beginning to understand why it is so important that you let go of your husband, let's pick up where we left off and focus a bit more about HIS PLAN for your life.
"'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and NOT for calamity to give you a future and a hope'"—Jeremiah 29:11
Whenever we see that it is God's plan to allow any divorce to go through, we know His ultimate plan is to bless you with a brand new wedding and marriage! It means that His plan is to have your husband wanting to date you again, which means another proposal, and a brand new wedding ring!
Yet due to you NOT being in the group who has had to face divorce, it still means if you disappear, let go, and if you do have contact you make it brief and agreeable, then it still means he will want to date you again and he will begin wearing HIS wedding ring!!
Yet before anything GOOD can happen, your husband is going to have to see a NEW you. The one who he left, YOU, the contentious woman like almost all of us once were. But we, like you may be, were blessed because it took us going through losing our husbands, so that we could find our NEW Husband. And once we found Him we were no longer needy and we began to glow because we were in LOVE and that's when our husbands became jealous (because letting go and finding the Lover of our souls got our husbands' attention). And only then did God see that we were ready and that it was time for our husbands discovered a NEW woman—that he began to pursue!
This is God's plan, He wants to give you a Makeover, just as He did with Queen Esther.
Queen Esther versus Queen Vashti
When we first met the Lord, He became our Savior. What we didn't embrace is the fact (because we didn't understand it) that we also became the Lord's bride. You may already know God refers to all Christians as His bride. Yet one of the greatest discoveries (the best kept secret) we each realized is that we are to be His bride, not when we die, but now, right NOW!
And once you become His bride, you will glow and radiate His love! Once you are truly His bride you are instantly no longer needy or desperate! And believe it or not, a woman like that is a man-magnet.
Psalm 34:5 They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces will never be ashamed.
That's why we have to be careful to share this principle and share it with only women who we believe will be encouraged by it and not abuse it. Too many women will begin to use this principle as a way of playing games with their husbands, or worse, they will use this magnetic approach to not allure their ex-husband, but find a new husband.
*Our ministry believes in restoration, and even more, that it is His intent that we feel and are treated as a BRIDE—HIS Bride.
A woman who belongs to the Lord is also protected by Him. And this is why that once you are HIS it will stop any and all abuse, since women who are needy and desperate are the ones at risk for every form of abuse (also contentious women are the most vulnerable!).
Once you come to the place where you ARE His bride, if your husband files and a divorce actually goes through, you will be given the choice of wanting to remain His (the Lord's alone) or remarrying your ex-husband again! We hope that above all else you will want HIS WILL and not your own. For only His will is going to bring you the perfect happiness you deserve!
Resisting or Facing or Embracing Divorce
If your husband has ever spoken to you about his desire to get a divorce, you really have only two choices: You can either choose to resist it or face it or embrace it!
Most women who come to our ministry want their marriage restored. Therefore it stands to reason that the don't want a divorce, so what comes naturally is to resist when their husband asks for or speaks to them about divorce. And that means they are actually making it happen! Resisting anything, unfortunately, only guarantees a negative result. That’s why Jesus taught us this principle that few know about and even fewer follow:
“But I say to you, do NOT resist evil; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you”—Matthew 5:39-42
Yes, it’s only "natural" to want to resist someone or something that you don’t want to happen, like something evil. But, that is why following this principle will cause the supernatural to happen!
Get Away from You
Resisting a divorce not only means your divorce will eventually go through because you are violating what Jesus taught in the verse you just read.
What's worse—your husband will become more determined to get away from you—far away from you—very often marrying the other woman! The woman who he would have eventually seen through!
“But in the end she [the adulteress woman] is bitter as wormwood, Sharp as a two-edged sword”—Proverbs 5:4
You must let go NOW & get out of your husband’s way! He needs an opportunity to see the adulteress woman for who she is and YOU need time to makeover the NEW YOU.
The contentious woman needs to be long gone and be replaced by the new gentle and kind woman he will be eager and fight to come back to!
Restoration BEGINS when you understand that you must get out of your husband’s way and let go.
With the energy, time and effort you normally use to resist what's happening, or heaven forbid, to fight back—you can now re-channel & use your time, energy and effort to allow God to change you!
As you probably have already noticed, our ministry is very successful at restoring marriages, due ONLY to us teaching the principles that are clearly laid out in the Bible. Principles that we almost NEVER hear taught, and even fewer who are brave enough to TRUST God and take Him at His Word.
All Christians should be equally as successful. Unfortunately, as we will say again, very few people know about these principles! Pastors are NOT feeding their flock so they are dying spiritually. And when they face destruction these same pastors and Christian counselors choose psychology that is a quick fix, but later turns out absolutely disastrous because it is not founded on the Bible! His Word that is powerful.
Not only are these principles powerful, but we also need to warn you that these principles can be “too successful.” Some women mistakenly make wrong choices afterwards, as you will read in one of testimonies later on in this lesson.
By following these principles and methods with the right heart, you should see your situation turn around as dramatically and as quickly to the same degree as you embrace and follow the principles.
If however you are battling FEAR or you are trying to play games and it's not coming from a pure heart, then the results can be heartbreaking. This is why you MUST get that close walk with God now! He needs to be Who you want more than wanting your husband or your marriage or restoration.
And for women who are brave enough to follow the principles about divorce, these women write us to tell us their husband stopped their divorce right before the court date, or even immediately afterward. They write to tell us that they were actually “excited about” the divorce going through since it meant “dating their husband, a new proposal, a new ring, another wedding, and another new anniversary to celebrate.” These are the same women we soon got a restored marriage testimony from!
How can YOU have this much confidence?
There is just one goal you must achieve to be able to walk away with the results you will find in the testimonies on this page. Just One! You must find the TRUE Love of your Life.
Sure, like most of us Jesus was either someone we’d heard of or someone who saved us, but what we found (and what we hope you will find) is the Abundant Life He died to give us, because we found Him!
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly”—John 10:10
And once you find Him, you will see how He changes the way you look, your priorities, and it will make being around you something your husband will want more and more!
Men want to do the pursuing, it’s in their nature. And nothing makes a woman more attractive to a man than when she is honestly NOT interested. But it can’t be a game, yet even when it is a game, it works, doesn't it?
Who of us didn’t play the game of finding someone else to make our boyfriend jealous? But finding the Lord as the Love of your Life is no game—we simply do not advocate playing games, ever.
Instead, it is our ONE and ONLY goal to help each and every woman find and embrace this special Person in your life because not having Him takes away our security and makes us vulnerable to be left, abandoned, used and abused.
Women were once the ones who were chased and pursued. No more. And now because women are so desperate, men know they can leave you and find someone else just as willing and just as desperate. Women who are desperate will eventually be mistreated, cheated on, and left for someone new. Also, pathetic women are never sought after!
And please don't follow the crowd running along the road to destruction! The answer is not to run from one guy to another! Women were not created to act that way.
Instead, women want and NEED security and faithfulness in a man. But women will never find exactly what she needs and desires—the storybook kind of love and happily-ever-after movie kind of love in a mere mortal.
Instead, understanding and experiencing the full measure of the Lord’s love is the only thing that will ever satisfy you AND also put you in the pursued/chased category (pursued by other men AND your husband!).
MORE Testimonies as Proof!
“Wow, I have to say your methods really work, but thankfully I knew instantly what was happening when the weirdest thing happened. Right after I fell head over heels for the Lord (who now is the most important person in my life and I can’t get enough of Him!!) I was at the beach with my four children. Would you believe the lifeguard hit on ME?!?! Okay I have lost lots of weight since my husband left me but come on there were dozens of younger & prettier girls around who were actually coming up to him. These girls even started playing volleyball right in front of him trying to get his attention. It made me feel horrible for those poor girls cuz I could sooooo relate.
But anyway... I know this young lifeguard could see that glow in me you spoke about and also that he could tell that I wasn’t interested in him at all and that’s what made me interesting to him. Eventually I made the kids pack up and we moved down the beach. What a problem to have. lol it’s nuts lol. Funniest part is that my kids told their dad what happened and I could really see that he was jealous. I didn’t think to tell them not to. My husband lives with his girlfriend and used to talk about filing for divorce but now says it is her idea (meaning the ow) and he’s not going to marry her like she thinks he is. I actually started to feel sorry for her. Guess that’s it. I just wanted to let you know how much falling in love with the Lord has done for me. I am so happy and at peace. Thank you for all you’ve done and I’m sending you blessings for your good work.”
Testimony: A GUY AT CHURCH
“I hesitated writing to you with my testimony because I was afraid you all might get the wrong idea about me. But rather than worry, I just wanted other women to know what finding the lover of my life, his name being Jesus, and what He has done right in the middle of what had become a nasty divorce battle over everything...our kids, our stuff...everything that usually happens when someone has cheated on you. I never cheated and never would but that is probably why my hubby never cherished me at all. But like you said what man is able to be really good to you anyway. So in my pain I found God in an amazing way. It was nothing like what I found in church even though I went all the time and to Bible studies and prayer groups. I found Him at home after the children went to bed and when I couldn’t sleep cuz I knew my husband was sleeping with her! I couldn't sleep so early in the morning I got up and made coffee before my kids woke up and I started my day with Him. And it wasn't like a feeling like bam I was in love with the Lord...but a slowly falling in love as I felt more and more of His love and protection for me. But the reason I am writing is to tell you that everything about me, my face and attitude, have changed...and everyone keeps telling me that.
But so did this guy at my church. It was a married man though, horrible. Right away I want to assure you I didn’t fall for it and would have told him off right away but I kept thinking I was imagining it and if I said anything he’d say “are you kidding me” so I didn’t until I was sure. But he was coming on to me and here is the craziest part. This guy's wife is gorgeous! And even though I lost a lot of weight...I am not up to that level. I know she used to model and even when I was at my best before my kids came along I was not all that attractive. lol So I know right away it’s because my face has to be glowing and my not wanting any guy, not being interested when he was flirting with me... is also what was attracting him. it's all because I have this great guy Jesus in my life....it’s like this strong men magnet. lol It’s so funny and sad too because I was like every other girl who was desperate and who was used and abused (boyfriends even physically hit me and I still stayed around...not my husband...he didn’t hit me thank God). And whether my husband comes back or not, none of it bothers me, but it bothers my husband now, but I am not bothered because I know I will always be happy as long as I am with God in my life like I have Him now. I just wrote to let other women know it’s what you’re missing in your life. Jesus is what you’re missing.”
The danger with our principles is that it can put a woman in the place of possibly being deceived into thinking that when other men begin to pay attention to them, God’s plan is that He has someone else out there for her instead of her husband. This is not true. First Corinthians 7 verse 11 says "she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband."
Sadly we have seen women do everything right, and then fall into that trap of thinking that the new man who’s interested in her is God’s plan. It’s not.
Here’s another testimony of what happened to one of our young women early on in our ministry to a woman who was abused.
Testimony: Her Mistake
Like the other woman Sandy* (not her real name) came to one of our fellowship meetings desperate to have her marriage restored. Over the weeks we began to see her falling for the Lord, but wasn’t quite there to making Him the “Love of her Life.”
We didn’t know that she was in an abusive situation and feared the safety of her daughter (even though the fear was unfounded since her he never abused his daughter. It was Sandy and her contentiousness he fought and how she belittled him). We never realized that Sandy's goal was not really restoration, but finding someone new.
The entire summer she seemed happy and had changed. It was at the end of the summer that we found out that not only was her husband interested in her again (he had filed for divorce but dropped it) but so was a guy from the singles group at their church.
Sandy never shared she was actually going out with the new guy from church until she announced that she had agreed to marry him! Four of our leadership team spoke to her, sharing the verses against remarriage, but it was then that she told us about her husband’s (previous) abuse. We asked if the abuse had continued since she had changed and was exhibiting the “gentle and quiet spirit” rather than the contentious woman we had seen come in through the doors that spring. She said that her husband, soon to be her ex (she had filed this time), had been nothing but kind. But she said she didn’t want the abuse to start again once they were remarried. She also said that she was sure that this man from the singles group was sent to her from God.
Nothing we could do would persuade her and eventually she stopped coming to our fellowship meetings. We heard that she had married the new man, and that she had a baby boy about a year later. In our meetings we had some women begin to question if we were right about what we shared with Sandy, using the fact how she was now "happily married" to prove that we were clearly wrong.
It was close to four years later that one of our leadership team was at a McDonald's with her own children. She thought she recognized the little girl playing but couldn’t place her. She looked over at her mother who was holding a baby on her lap but she didn’t look like anyone she knew. Then the young mother spotted our leader and when she called her daughter’s name she knew it was the woman from our group who had remarried the “wonderful guy” from the singles group against our advice and warning.
Our leader attempted to approach the young mother but she was not interested and almost ran to her car. We found out from another woman (who remained friends) why she ran off. What had happened.
Not too long after Sandy remarried she realized that her new husband had an anger issue even worse than her first husband! It was while she was pregnant that the abuse began and it was so much worse than her first husband she actually called the police and had a restraining order. Her friend told us that Sandy had even spent time in a shelter and was now living back home with her parents, even though it was not a "good situation" either.
We tried to reach out to Sandy but she was too embarrassed (and why she ran off when she saw our leader). What made her embarrassment worse was that we found out her first husband had remarried a friend of hers. So she figured God had given up on her and there was no point in coming to our meetings.
I am sure you would agree that there is nothing more sad than this story. There are many morals to the story that we could take away from it. The one we want to focus on is that God does NOT have anyone better out there for you. Each of us believed when we first got married that things would go well, only to be mistaken, right? With the next marriage it will be worse!
Here is another testimony that will encourage you!!
MORE Testimonies that His Plan WORKS!!
"Your method works!! As soon as I announced that I was actually relieved about the divorce (I actually said the word "relieved") and emphasized that I was "so happy for him" his face said it all. He was shocked! I was not the one holding him back from his new life any more. I stopped begging, crying, pleading with him. That was the first time he did not try to get away from me... his pathetic wife that I turned into!! That day he actually sat back down wanting to stay a while.
But as you said, making it short if possible was safest, so I happily stood up and said I had an appointment (I planned to go park somewhere quiet to thank God for helping me!!). I smiled and left him sitting on our couch! This was the first time I walked out on him. No I am not playing games. I just know that I need to get out of his way and I will be fine living happily ever after with the Lord who I know won't ever leave me. What's exciting is that what you said worked. It really worked!! I know there is lots more up ahead but I am just so encouraged by this change!!
I do want His will and not mine any more. But I just had to write to all of you out there who have been resisting this divorce thing and are as scared as I was about him filing. Don't be. If you tell God he is everything and you trust Him and then get out of the way and let your husband go, everything will turn around.
So far I haven't heard anymore about the divorce from my husband. Instead he calls me all the time and I only pick up half of the time. I want to show him the freedom he said he wanted. But like you said now that he has what he wants it's not what he thought it would be.
Thank you thank you thank you."
"Just writing to tell you it works it works it works!!??!! Yes I am still in shock because at first it seemed to backfire on me. I am not sure but I think it was because I was scared and my husband could sense it. So he seemed relieved that I said I was okay with the divorce and I thought I had blown it big time.
My biggest battle was not going back to pleading or begging him. I finally put my cell phone in the car so I wouldn't be tempted to quickly call him back and after that night I realized that I would not go back to getting in his way. Heck if that's what would make him happy I wanted him to be happy. I didn't want him to be stuck with me; who wants that.
It's probably why things changed after that. When he came to get his things from the house my heart was more settled and I was able to trust God more. So when the divorce came up again this time when he was leaving from dropping off the kids I responded enthusiastically, letting him know how happy I was for him and also how excited I was about all the plans I had for MY future (though I didn’t say what those plans were, or who they were with, just a “feeling I had” was all I said). That’s when I saw it. He didn't really want to get rid of me he just wanted to be free from the maniac I had become. I fit all the characteristics of the contentious woman in your book that's for sure.
That afternoon I knew this was the route I would take forever. Letting go was the way and not resisting, but getting enthusiastic about the divorce. Sure, it could go through, most do. But I will never have a chance for a happy future if he is relieved to get rid of me, right?
Each time my husband came by or called (which he never did before but he began doing ever since that afternoon) I got more and more enthusiastic about the divorce and my new life and his new life and he could tell it was real. To me if it means going through the divorce for him to realize and feel free to come back to me then that is fine with me. I have the Lord now which is awesome. And if the divorce happens then I may or may not accept his proposal, lol lol lol. This sure beats crying in my pillow every night."
His Will ONLY
We are NOT suggesting that you go from not wanting a divorce to you pursing for divorce! Our goal is to move from fearing it and resisting it to trusting God and getting out of your husband's LIFE.
Our method works so well that we have found too often that women go to the other extreme. Even as far as to file for divorce once their husband drops it. This is not what we are advocating. God hates divorce and He never changes!
Yet He does give us a choice.
To fully understand all that God teaches us about marriage, separation and letting the unbelieving spouse leave, it would be a good idea to read the entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 7 every day for ONE week and mark particular passages that I will explain below.
CLICK HERE to read ALL of 1 Corinthians 7
INTIMACY while still Married
Intimacy in marriage is important and something you need to fully understand. Due to the world making up its own rules, and then teaching and indoctrinating them into our minds through media, we are suffering greatly. Remember, this is why your husband has been tempted and succumb to his sin. The only way to help him out and find true restoration is to know and follow HIS word, renewing your mind, replacing lies with the truth.
1. If your husband consents to remain with you (which is going to happen if you follow the principles of not resisting divorce and find that Love of your life), you must not send him away, but consent to live with him.
1 Corinthians 7 verse 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.
2. While you are still legally married (whether you are separated or not and whether or not he is involved with someone else), the Bible says, God says, you must continue to be intimate at your husband's request.
1 Corinthians 7 verse 4 The wife does NOT have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
1 Corinthians 7 verse 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time.
3. ONLY if God chooses to allow a divorce to go through is when you must refrain from intimacy afterwards. But if you are still married, it is important that you remain intimate. In Erin's testimony, this is one of the key components that her husband said made him realize his mistake, turn back to the Lord and come home.
Erin remained intimate even though her husband was living with the other women. If people knew, no doubt they would have warned her about being "used" and also about contracting a STD. However, she was trusting the Lord who told her that IF she was going to contract something, it would have happened before she even knew her husband had been unfaithful to her!
Then when God allowed Erin's divorce to go through, she told her husband they could not be intimate, not even kissing since it was difficult for her (since he had someone to go home to and she, of course, didn't). After her husband was back home, he said (like many men would also) that remaining intimate had a huge effect on him, and so did not having it after he divorced, which is what made him long even more for Erin.
This means that God's plan may be to allow the divorce (which is why we also say not to get in the way of it Psalm 1:1 or try to slow it down). Like with many men, it very well may be the lack of intimacy that your husband had previously enjoyed with you as his wife, that leads him to see his mistake. It can be extremely hard to lose intimacy when many husbands realize their mistakes and will plead to get their wife back.
And NEVER discuss this with your husband either. Don't quote scripture, and don't share anything that he would deem some sort of plan to get him back. You should NOT be trying to get your husband back, instead, you simply need to LEARN and apply the principles we were never taught to get our marriage and lives back on track.
Restoration only takes place when you know and follow these verse (above). To sum up:
1. While you are still married you need to remain intimate (or regain intimacy) at your husband's request. Don't try to seduce him, but instead be a loving, understanding, quite and gentle wife, which will naturally lead to intimacy.
2. Next, should your husband divorce you, (which you should not stand in the way of), you then MUST refrain from intimacy afterwards.
* If you do, a proposal will soon follow. We have seen it countless times.
3. Never leave your husband or withhold intimacy, which can happen once he wants you back and you have since found the Lord and He becomes the love of your life.
1 Corinthians 7 verse 10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband.
4. Also understand that once you are free from fear and possibly free from your marriage, you are never free to remarry. Your only choice for marriage is to be reconciled to your husband, which we strongly suggest you allow God to do if you have minor-aged children from this marriage.
1 Corinthians 7 verse 11 she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband.
Understanding the Principles of Wedding Rings
Whether to Wear Your Wedding Rings
Whether or not to wear your wedding rings is fairly significant in regard to your restoration.
In this Wedding Rings LESSON, we hope to clear up whether or not you should be wearing your wedding rings— and to know what to do. THEN be sure to come back here and:
Honestly, Do the Principles in this Lesson Really Work?
"Your testimonies also are my delight;
They are my counselors"—Psalm 119:24
Submitted by: Heather in Massachusetts; I’m Currently Divorced, I’m a RMIEW Minister.
“My New Ring”
I am so EXCITED!!! I have a BEAUTIFUL New Ring to wear. For a few months now I have had this desire for a rose gold ring. I have been talking to my heavenly Husband about it. Even though I have had plenty of ideas as to how I would get this ring and what it would mean to me, I never expected it the way I received it.
One day I was walking around the mall, I stopped in two jewelry stores. One had a nice band with crystals all around and it was rose gold. The second store had a few “engagement” like rings or “promise” rings in rose gold, but not what I was looking for. Honestly I did not know why I was looking for any ring. Four days later I received an unexpected monetary gift, I was blown away by the love.
This particular day I had not been to the gym so I went to the mall to walk. It is an outdoor mall that many people go to, to walk and window shop ;). I had invited a few friends but none of them could make it. I parked my car and began my walk with Him. I came across another jewelry store so I went inside. The minute I stepped foot in the door the lady said “Hi, you are here for a wedding band?” I looked at her and said “yes, I would like to look for a rose gold band.” She sat me down and showed me three rings. I loved each and everyone of them. She began to ask me questions. One thing she asked was, “this has a meaning and it is not about your marriage?” I smiled and said “oh, yes it is” 🙂 and I began to ask her if she knows God. She told me she walked away from her faith four years ago, then she said she knows He is pulling her back because I am the 3rd person to speak to her about her faith. Then, she left to help another customer so I took the time to speak to Him in my heart. I asked if I should purchase a ring, and if so, which one. He guided me to the middle one. When she got back she asked, “have you decided?” I said, “yes, this one please”, not even knowing the cost of the ring. She brought me to the register and told me it was on special and that she would take an additional 10% off but she had to know what this ring was symbolizing :).
I told her it is my ring from my Heavenly Husband, that I am His and He is mine. It’s a reminder that I am never alone. She rang it up and the cost of the ring was the same as the monetary gift I had received!!!! 🙂
I praised Him and thanked Him for my special ring and the opportunity to share about all He has done for me.
Today, on my left hand, ring finger, sits the most beautiful, shiny, rose gold, 12 amazing diamonds, wedding band from my Wonderful, Amazing, Protective, Providing, Comforting, Caring, Kind, Generous, Forgiving, Loving, ALL KNOWING Husband. He is always in control and I love Him so much!!!!!
God's given you a HUGE advantage, take it and run with it!
“Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win” — 1 Corinthians 9:24