“My Beloved is mine, and I am His”
—Song of Solomon 2:16
When I knew that the divorce was going to go through this time, knowing He had been preparing me, and it was God’s perfect plan for my life, I knew that I was going to need a new set of wedding rings. So I began to ask the Lord to show me what He had planned for me to wear.
First, I was led to explain it to my husband, reminding him of RMI’s principles: that once we were divorced, I would no longer wear the wedding rings he gave me, but would purchase another set to wear. And that the reason I was going to continue to wear a wedding ring after the divorce, was to show others that I was not available, and that I was not interested in attracting another man.
Though I was “reminding” my husband of the principles (that he basically knew since I led Bible RYM and WW Bible studies five years in our church), I would encourage you to share this and other principles with your spouse when times like these surface. Basically explaining that you are learning through “a ministry you joined” without telling him/her that your desire, if it is, to restore your marriage. You, too, can tell your spouse that the ministry is helping you understand the mistakes you made in the marriage, and that you’re taught never to look at what your spouse was doing or are doing. And that one of the ministry’s goals is to help the person become a better marriage partner so that their separation and/or divorce is a better experience for their spouse or ex-spouse than the marriage was for them.” Much more of this is covered in RMI’s Be Encouraged videos that I would encourage you to get and watch over and over again as I did. Had it not been for me watching them as often as I did, I am sure I could not have done a fraction had Erin not laid a foundation for us to travel on and build on to.
Unlike the first time I faced divorce, the Lord showed me this time when facing divorce, that I was always to take the offensive rather than the defensive position whenever I could, which is why He led me to explain to my husband that I would not be wearing his wedding rings after the divorce. Taking the offensive, as I mentioned earlier, does not mean being aggressive, but taking the spiritually offensive, rather than a spiritually defensive position (cowering or hiding due to fearing what is coming next). I needed to step forward, as the Lord led, whenever He opened the door for me. He reminded me that we are the “head and not the tail” and brought this verse to my mind:
“The LORD will make you the head and not the tail, and you only will be above, and you will not be underneath, if you listen to the commandments of the LORD your God, which I charge you today, to observe them carefully”—Deuteronomy 28:13
Dear reader, when you speak to your spouse about continuing to wear a set of wedding rings, not the ones representing your marriage with them, it may set you up for your spouse to tell you that you need to date, find someone yourself, and move on. And if you are not spiritually and emotionally prepared, it can be very painful! So be sure you spend a lot of time being loved by the Lord, (possibly fast) and continue telling the Lord that He is all you want, He is all you need, that (ladies) He is your Husband, and your are His bride! Say it over and over again every day while asking the Lord to open the opportunity to speak to your husband about your rings.
“Who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed and do not fear their intimidation, and do not be troubled, but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence” —1 Peter 3:13-15
Before I spoke to my husband, the Lord reminded me that the gold wedding band that I wore, I had actually purchased myself. Right after our restoration, my husband had given me a thin wedding band, but it broke several times (which later, after my divorce, I felt may have been a sign of broken vows and promises?). One time when picking it up from our jeweler, the man told me that I needed to purchase one of their rings that they guaranteed would never break. I purchased it, and never broke again!
So when the Lord opened the door for me to share about wearing my rings, I told him that even though we were in the midst of getting a divorce, that I would wear the set he had given me until the divorce was final, then switch to a new set.
I told him that since I had bought the band myself that I would continue to wear the wedding and then find some sort of diamond (probably something not real) to wear with it. Then, I knew what was coming next—he told me I needed to find someone new! But because I was prepared, I was able to explain (again) that I was so happy now, that I had proven (to myself) that I had not been a good wife to him (so why should I subject anyone else having to have me as a wife), and that I wanted to be able to devote my love and my time to our children.
But before he entered into the “moving on” suggestion, because I took the offensive position and approached him about his permission to continue to wear my rings until the divorce was final, and then to switch to a new set, he told me that he wouldn’t mind if I wore “his” rings forever. I thanked him but told him it would probably be better for me to remove it and put it in our safe deposit box. I am sure by rejecting his offer, he was hurt and wanted to hurt me back. So when that thought came to mind, rather than retreat or cringe, I told the Lord I needed Him to get me ready.
In the meantime, just a few weeks later, after praying about where I would find the ring He had for me, I envisioned a local department and I assumed He was showing me the $10 rings that looked so real. I thought how great, and planned to pick up at least two, maybe three of them, to wear depending on the occasion. I figured that women don’t really remember other women’s settings, so this would work out really well.
When I got there, I found only one ring that would work as a wedding ring, but even though it said it was my size, it just did not fit. For a brief second my heart sank. I knew I did not have the time to shop for a ring. So I began to pray in the Spirit asking Him to show me where my ring was, and immediately I spotted a beautiful ring in a case that was marked 85% off.
Though it was beautiful and fit me perfectly, I still hesitated buying a ring like that for myself. But then the saleswoman spoke up and said that I had 90 days to return it if I didn’t want it. So, in faith, I purchased it, but told my children who were with me that I was probably not going to keep it. When all of a sudden, I remembered that I needed to pick up some printing for an upcoming Bible study.
This however, did make me cringe after I had just paid for my ring, since I knew the printing was for a large group of about 200 women who had signed up. When I got there, just about to pay for the copies, seeing the huge amount I was about to pay for, the sales lady said, “Oh, wait…There used to be a code I put in for our ‘valued’ customers, months ago, that took 15% off the price.” I said, “Well, why not try” knowing that 15% would save me a LOT of money!
When she hit the key, I saw the price drop by the exact amount that my ring cost!! I had saved the same amount of money that I had just spent only a few minutes earlier for my ring!! In other words—my ring cost me nothing!! What a confirmation from the Lord that He wanted me to have it!
When I hurried to the car, I told my children what had just happened, and then drove to my older son’s apartment so that he and his roommate could see the ring and hear how it happened. Funny thing too, my son asked me three times to repeat the story and said, “Wow, this is so God, Mom!”
But the really awesome thing about this blessing was what it did for me while waiting to hear that the divorce was final. Instead of dreading or fearing when the divorce would be final, I instead couldn’t wait for it to be final because all I could think about was wearing my new ring!! How’s that for God??? Though at times fear would put a tiny twinge in my stomach or in my heart, for the most part, there was only excitement and anticipation for when I would be able to begin wearing my new ring!
I thanked the Lord over and over: all day long, when I went to bed, and when I woke up. I thought the day the divorce would be final and I could wear my new ring would never arrive!
Then, one day my husband was hanging around me in the kitchen and was acting kind of strange. When I headed to my bedroom, he followed me in and said that he needed to tell me something. Immediately I confess, I excitedly interrupted and said, “Oh, did you hear from your attorney? Is the divorce final?” He bowed his head and said yes that he had heard the news the day before. To which I replied excitedly, “Really? Oh, that means I get to wear my new ring, did you see it?!” as he followed me to my walk-in closet. I opened the box, took off my ring, put the rings he had given me in the same box and slipped my ring on to show to him.
While he was looking at it, dumbfounded, I asked him if he had heard how I had gotten it. He said that he “sort of had,” but would I tell him? I did (just as I told you above), and then he looked at it again more closely. He said, “Michele, not only is it incredible how you got it, but a ring like that should have cost you about eight thousand dollars!!” Dear reader, this is how much your Husband longs to bless you!!! This is how much He loves you and me!!
“Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He WAITS on high to have compassion on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for Him”—Isaiah 30:18
The reason I took the time to write all of this down is not just so you can praise the Lord for how awesome He is, but to give you just one example of how He wants to bless you when you, too, seek Him as your Husband!
The ring story does not end there. When my husband took me out on a “lunch date” (those were his words), just before he was about to leave to move states away, he took my hand and just stared at my ring and tears filled his eyes. I am not sure exactly what he was thinking, but God not only used my rings to bless me and help me feel loved and not rejected (because I followed His principles and then sought His plan for how to replace what I was to wear in their place), but He used them in my ex-husband’s life in some way (maybe regret for the choices he had made; who, but God knows and it’s not something I dwell on).
Before I end this chapter, I want you to know that the enemy is always lurking around to steal your joy, or to bring pain to your blessing.
John 10:10 tells us clearly that “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”
And First Peter 5:8 warns us to always be ready, “Be of sober spirit, be on the alert your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
When my ex-husband saw that I had put my wedding ring from him in the box, he said before leaving my room that he would bring his ring over to put in the safe deposit box too, since “he didn’t want it.” But I took the “enthusiastic” response and said, “Oh, great, I think I have another ring box right here!” But the enemy was determined to keep using his hurt to hurt me back, so then my ex-husband said, “Oh, I will bring my sapphire ring over and put it in there too since I won’t be wearing it” referring to the ring I gave him as a wedding gift when we married. I was still able to enthusiastically say, “Oh, why not offer it to one of the boys?” This obviously hurt, so he dropped subject by saying that the boys would not be interested.
The next day, the battle to hurt me continued, as he handed me both rings, along the first letter I sent him that he kept in his top drawer, which also had a picture of me in it. I was able to stay strong and enthusiastic, opening it to tell him I would save the picture, then walked over and threw my letter to him in the trash. I didn’t do it to be mean, but just as a sign that it did not affect me (and as a silent message to my new Husband that I would be forever faithful to Him). However, the horror on his face told me what he was feeling in his heart. I was able to take to all the rings to the safe deposit box at the bank the next day, and though the enemy tried several times to hurt me, because it hurt my ex-husband, he wanted to hurt me back, but the enemy was never able to steal my joy.
Dear reader, you may see things like this on television, when each is trying to hurt the other, but I will tell you honestly I would never ever try to hurt my ex-husband, but fight only to keep what Jesus died to give me. He promised that “perfect love casts out all fear” and that we are to be careful not to allow the enemy to steal the abundant life He died to give us. I knew to prove my love to my Savior, my Beloved, and my new Husband, I needed to do so just as I did, but was only able to do so by His grace and the love I felt from Him!
Every morning I am just as excited to put my new ring on, and many times throughout the day, I feel so blessed that the Lord chose me as His bride. There is no shame when you give God your life, and trust Him to this level of walking with Him radically and enthusiastically.
Amazing, too, is that my ex-husband was more in love, and more drawn to me that any man who had ever just divorced his wife! Again, it is not because I am anyone special, because I’m not. It is because I am willing to trust the Lord enough to not just walk this path He has chosen for me, but walk it with enthusiasm and excitement! Is there any other way we should walk hand-in-hand with our Savior?
Here are more testimonies that prove that this can happen to you too!!
“My New Ring”
I am so EXCITED!!! I have a BEAUTIFUL New Ring to wear. For a few months now I have had this desire for a rose gold ring. I have been talking to my heavenly Husband about it. Even though I have had plenty of ideas as to how I would get this ring and what it would mean to me, I never expected it the way I received it.
One day I was walking around the mall, I stopped in two jewelry stores. One had a nice band with crystals all around and it was rose gold. The second store had a few “engagement” like rings or “promise” rings in rose gold, but not what I was looking for. Honestly I did not know why I was looking for any ring. Four days later I received an unexpected monetary gift, I was blown away by the love.
This particular day I had not been to the gym so I went to the mall to walk. It is an outdoor mall that many people go to, to walk and window shop ;). I had invited a few friends but none of them could make it. I parked my car and began my walk with Him. I came across another jewelry store so I went inside. The minute I stepped foot in the door the lady said, “Hi, you are here for a wedding band?” I looked at her and said, “Yes, I would like to look for a rose gold band.” She sat me down and showed me three rings. I loved each and every one of them. She began to ask me questions. One thing she asked was, “this has a meaning and it is not about your marriage?” I smiled and said, “oh, yes it is” 🙂 and I began to ask her if she knows God. She told me she walked away from her faith four years ago, and then she said she knows He is pulling her back because I am the 3rd person to speak to her about her faith. Then, she left to help another customer so I took the time to speak to Him in my heart. I asked if I should purchase a ring, and if so, which one. He guided me to the middle one. When she got back she asked, “have you decided?” I said, “yes, this one please”, not even knowing the cost of the ring. She brought me to the register and told me it was on special and that she would take an additional 10% off but she had to know what this ring was symbolizing :).
I told her it is my ring from my Heavenly Husband, that I am His and He is mine. It’s a reminder that I am never alone. She rang it up and the cost of the ring was the same as the monetary gift I had received!!!! 🙂
I praised Him and thanked Him for my special ring and the opportunity to share about all He has done for me.
Today, on my left hand, ring finger, sits the most beautiful, shiny, rose gold, 12 amazing diamonds, wedding band from my Wonderful, Amazing, Protective, Providing, Comforting, Caring, Kind, Generous, Forgiving, Loving, ALL KNOWING Husband. He is always in control and I love Him so much!!!!!
~ Heather in Massachusetts was spared in order to help other women whose lives are also in danger due to their not letting go and trusting God to lead them to the safety of HIS arms!!!
“I am His and His Alone”
As I was watching the Be Encouraged Classic e-video 1 part 3, which is part of the RYM and Refresher courses, Erin was speaking about wedding rings. This reminded me I needed to send in this a praise report about what He did to provide me a ring!
My EH and I never used our rings much, I lost mine years ago and it was never replaced. But after coming to RMI and learning the importance of showing we aren’t available to others, I began to pray and ponder buying one. I tried on several cheap ones from a department store and they weren’t comfortable. After my divorce, I began seeking Him again for a ring, to show others I wasn’t available, because I am His and His alone.
One evening I was passing by a jewelry store and felt an urge to go in, I dismissed it and went on with my business thinking it would be a way too expensive option. When I passed by the second time, I again felt the urge to go inside. I went in and looked, the sales lady asked what I wanted and I simply stated that I had lost my ring. I felt a check in my heart so I then explained so she could understand that I had been recently divorced, but just wasn’t available. She immediately liked the idea and was happy to show me the plain wedding bands I was looking for and they were in my budget! I tried on one and was surprised at the perfect fit, and to boot it was a “comfort band” that didn’t even feel like it was on my finger! I felt Him smiling and approving :).
As I paid, I was surprised as she put it in a beautiful ring box and then in a pretty gift box and bag. I felt so special, like I was getting a gift! As I left the store grinning, I couldn’t resist looking at it again. So following another urge I went down a little path walled in with flowers and palm trees and with little white lights along the way. I was suddenly in a very “romantic” area. I found a little bench tucked in amongst the flowers and sat down and took out the gift box, then opened my ring box.
The glint of the lights on the pretty silver band took my breath away, and suddenly I felt so loved. A romantic song was being piped softly over the sound system and as I put on my ring, I began to cry. I suddenly was pouring out to Him the wedding vow. I promised that I would always cherish and obey Him, and never leave Him. I felt such love in my heart, like a warm hug from Him. I got up and was so happy I felt like I was floating. I went home, laughing, crying and praising Him. He gave me more than just a ring to wear it is now a symbol to me of that vow I gave Him!! And more than that, the ring was not only my vow to Him but a symbol of His love for me. He loves me and His love is not conditional nor does it have limits!! It is on my finger always, and if I take it off to do dishes, I feel uncomfortable without it! I feel so cherished and honored to get to wear it. It is far more than what I planned for, but that’s just like Him!!
Ladies, He loves each one of us more than we know, He longs for us, and cherishes us. Be Encouraged!!
~Christina in Mexico
“HE put His Ring on My Finger”
This journey just gets better EVERY DAY! My HH has done something so very wonderful for me!! Let me explain! I am Divorced, but not Single, and I am never alone :).
Over the last several weeks I've been doing some refreshing in my RMI Courses. I finished them for the first time a while ago, actually in early 2012, but over the last few months I had been sensing the Lord wanted me to do them again. Then suddenly I was given the invitation to take a "Refresher"! PTL that He led me to do this again, otherwise I would have missed something so very important!
One of my fellow Ministers recently sent in a PR about her NEW RING her HH gave her, "My New Ring". I was so happy for her while reading it and I could feel her JOY!! It was amazing ;). I didn't clue in at that moment while I was reading it, but my HH wanted to do the same for me!!!
Then last week while viewing Erin's Be Encouraged videos again, she said in the video, "HE WANTS TO PUT HIS RING ON YOUR FINGER". At that very moment my heart took a LEAP and I realized He was speaking directly to me!! I knew right there and then that I was going to get a NEW RING! (I'm giggling as I write this because HE IS SO WONDERFUL AND HE MAKES ME LAUGH!) I thanked Him and knew HE would buy it for me since I was flat broke!!
Oh ladies, let me tell you, He is the most Wonderful BRIDEGROOM! Embrace Him!!
So, yesterday after returning to work from my lunch break, this was so "unexpected", I had an envelope waiting for me and in it was a $300 bonus check from my employer! My heart took another LEAP! I was so overcome by His LOVE for me at that moment and just knew this was the money He provided for MY NEW RING!! I left work that day and headed straight to the jewelry store with My Husband leading me!
Now placed on my ring finger is a brand new White Gold Wedding Band with 11 Beautiful Diamonds :))). The cost of my beautiful ring and the purchase of the LIFETIME WARRANTY with it was just under $300, then He bought me a nice dinner :)!! He is so SWEET!
I am HIS BRIDE, He is my BRIDEGROOM!!!
~ Myra in Canada
If you are ready to make a commitment to GOD to finish the course, by CLICKING on your JOURNAL you've agreed, and are ready to document this next step along your Restoration Journey in your "My Daily Journal" form. Take your time, sit down, grab your coffee or tea, and pour your heart into your Journal.
As an “Older women likewise…teaching what is good, that they may ENCOURAGE the young women…” (Titus 2:3) you will have the opportunity to speak to the younger women who are still single as part of your ministry.