Failed to Refrain: Sabrina

Hi, my name is Sabrina and I'm from Georgia. I had been married for 6 years when I first came here in August.

I always had in my heart that I wanted to marry someday, but, I never knew that I actually would. When I met my husband I knew there was something special about him. I had always been very shy when I dated, but not with him. We began dating and my husband surprised me one day by making a statement saying, "You are going to be my wife.” I knew there was something about him, but marriage wasn't what I had in mind and from my expression he knew it too. As we were dating, GOD started dealing with us in regards to intimacy, since we were not married. We started reading a book that "scared us straight" and we quickly married and began going to church.

After 3 years we started having troubles and I became contentious. I constantly started asking him to leave and also began shaming him by my words, which resulted in him becoming distant.  I just didn’t care anymore! Satan had a field day with me and boy did I suffer because of it! You guessed it! My husband just up and left me. We were separated for 5 years and after 3 ½ years, I wanted a divorce, even though a "still small voice" was telling me not to.  But because I was rebellious, I went through with the divorce that my husband never wanted. Afterwards like most of you, I felt empty and lonely, so I began dating a married man (who was at the time separated) thinking it was going to help me to get my husband out of my heart and off my mind. But GUESS WHAT???? It didn't.  

I can honestly tell you that I really don't know how I ended up here at RMIEW, but thank God I did. This ministry has brought me such a long way and has showed me so many things I never knew about. It's a wonderful place to be and to grow in the Lord and experience Him, believe me I know!

Now over the years I always told God I wished He would fix my marriage, and wanted to know why I could not get my ex husband out of my heart. This is something I just couldn't understand. I cried for so long and then soon after coming here I ran into him. I found out he was involved with someone else and had been with this woman for 4 and a half years (she was married but separated from her husband).

After seeing him, I realized I wanted my marriage back and then stopped messing with the man I was with. My husband, on the other hand, was still involved with the other woman so it looked pretty hopeless. As I said, I guess I always wanted my marriage and felt that it was hopeless until I ran across this ministry. I quickly read Erin's book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and boy did this show me so many things about myself and what I could finally admit, that the marriage mess was my fault. I felt so hurt because of my past actions. But reading the marriage testimonies and all the others made me feel wonderful and hopeful that possibly mine could be restored too.

Soon God began helping me a lot, but I realized I needed someone to be there to guide me. I needed more of the Lord and His love because I knew it would not be easy. Soon after I changed, due to His love and all of His truths, I began to see my ex and talk to him, but knew this was not enough. I wanted to see God move just like he moved in Erin's marriage and everyone else's. When I filled out my questionnaire I ended it with: Please help me.

Thankfully I never went to counseling, so I didn't make mistakes like that. On Friday, December 23, two days before Christmas, was a big turning point for me. It's when I decided I needed to begin helping other woman, and I filled out the Minister in Training after I read what it said about IOU so I knew what I would need to learn to help women in crisis.

RMI has meant so much to me. When I applied to become a Minister in Training I wrote to the Team:

My heart is so still so overwhelmed because of things I have learned about myself. This truth has made such a difference in me, because I didn't know I was carrying all this stuff. It's been a challenge but what you all have meant to me, words can't express. You all have helped me to see what God has probably been trying to show me but I couldn't sit still long enough to listen. You showed me it's not all about me and my marriage being restored, but it's more about helping others— thank you so much!

The reason I am interested in becoming a MITC "Minister in Training Candidate" is that even though I never thought of being a minister, I know I can encourage other women very well, even when I can't always encourage myself. There have been many people who tell me that I needed to be a minister, but I thought "No, not me." But I really enjoyed just lifting people up, you know, it made me feel better when I did.

NOW, after being here almost a month, and going through your first course, I now want to be what GOD wants me to be, and if it's being a minister, wow, it will be such a joy to know I could make a difference in one person's life just by sharing what He's done for me and to share His love with them—that's pure joy!

When I read Jesus healed the ten lepers and only one came back, that made me look at myself. I want to be the one who came back and made the difference. I am one who can say "IOU Lord for what you've done for me!"

Now it's time for me to confess with all of this truth, all His love, I still tripped up! My husband continued to come to see me after seeing the changes in me, and we continued to see each other but against scripture, we started having sexual relations even though we were divorced. Deep down inside I knew it was wrong, which only led my husband to be confused between me and the other women he'd been with. Then, after us being somewhat restored, he left me again after 3 months after he had promised we would marry. I was devastated!

Surprisingly, this time, once I got with my HH, I was okay, and knew I just needed more time with the LORD. I went through storm after storm, but He was always with me. I confessed my involvement with my FH to the RMIEW leaders, and I was immediately set free from guilt. Then I began to move forward and put all my focus on the Lord—completely letting go of my husband. I kept my mouth quiet, fasted and constantly prayed to be closer to Him. That's all I wanted. That's when He helped me learn to depend on Him and Him alone.

It was at this time that I wanted even more to help other women with marital issues because I didn't want anyone to feel the way I was feeling. I wanted to share the peace I received after I finally put the Lord first in my life and began seeking Him alone; not my husband or my children. I started trusting Him in everything because He wanted so much to be part of every situation in my life (as well as yours).

The turning point came when my ex-husband and I began dating again but that's when I also found out about the OW he was seeing exclusively, that she was still very much in my husband’s life.  I cried like never before to GOD, pouring my heart out to Him and repenting of when I'd been committing adultery with him (not being married but divorced). I started talking to the LORD and I told Him how I was feeling (not telling anyone else like I'd always done before) and that I wasn't going to start crying out to Him only—and that's when He helped me!

As I said before, He first led me to find Restore Marriage Ministries and that's when I knew it was GOD’s will to restore my marriage after I saw the heading “How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage."  Then I ordered the book and discovered God’s principles, and I learned how I had violated so many of them, which brought me to my KNEES. I immediately asked God to forgive me and went to all five of my children and confessed my faults instead of my husband’s faults as I had done in the past. Then I was led to contact my former husband and apologize for everything. HE said that he had forgiven me a long time ago.

Ladies, God is AWESOME! Even after cheating on my HH with my ex-husband, on March 8, my marriage was fully and wonderfully restored! YES it really was!  MINE! I was remarried on March 8th!! And believe it or not, just before we remarried, my husband began opening up his heart to me and spending time with me—but this time without us being intimate—I just couldn’t believe he wanted to wait too. WOW!  God knows how to turn things around!!! Once I told my HH I would refrain, never doing it again, He'd convicted my husband of our sin.

My husband even apologized and confessed that he never wanted to leave me, not ever. I can’t express enough how long I was not ready for all of this and why I asked the Lord if it is His will and He if wanted us to be remarried, then have my husband ask me again—and to my amazement—he did!

Yes, I still have a lot of work to do, but my GOD has got me committed to my HH. Ladies God is AWESOME, the LORD has all the love you need, and He is all we will ever need.

Dear friend, never think the Lord doesn't hear your cries, He does. We can't help fix anything or anyone, not even help ourselves to stop sinning. But God is faithful in every area you need Him in. You see, this is why you are here now because He's heard you cry. Be ready to grow, repent, do the right thing, and know that everyone in this ministry loves and cares for you!!

"Dear Jesus, guide and help this woman and let her know that, there's nothing to impossible for You and You are their new Husband now and trust You only. AMEN"

Be Blessed by signing up to be a Minister in Training so you can focus on others, not yourself like I did.

~ Sabrina in Georgia