FDA Chapter 14. Your Wonderful Counselor

And His name will be called

Wonderful Counselor,

Mighty God,

Eternal Father,

Prince of Peace.

—Isaiah 9:6

 

There is no doubt that people who know about your situation are advising you to get a good Christian lawyer to protect you, your assets, and your children. It may be a co-worker, Christian friend, a counselor, your parents or sibling, or sadly, it could even be your own pastor.

When my husband was divorcing me the first time, I got this same advice from all the well-meaning people in my life—but praise God I found the “Mighty Counselor” when I came to RMI! This is what I found in my Bible when I was searching for more of what God had to say on the subject of any kind of litigation (divorce, restraining orders—any and all legal matters).

I found in His Word that He had promised to protect and defend me—why didn’t any of the Christians in my life, especially our senior pastor tell me or remind me of that? Nevertheless, when I read this promise over and over again in my Bible, the decision was easy— I chose the Mighty Counselor to represent and protect me, doing exactly what His Word told me to do. And God was not only faithful, but of course, He was also mightier than any attorney or court could be because He is GOD, and all I had to do was to I put my trust in Him alone!

The Lord proved so faithful the first time, it was a no-brainer when I was facing divorce again— who else but God was good enough to represent or guide me? And along with Him, I had even greater faith than before, which meant that I walked away with even greater blessings!! And let me assure you, the greater faith was not gained because I had gone through a divorce before, but first because of my clear-cut relationship with the Lord being my Husband, me being His bride, which I didn’t realize the first time. Also, a lot of my strength and resolute came from the testimonies of the other women who had faced divorce! And, third, because I knew the principles like the back of my hand from going through Erin’s books again and again, while writing my own account of facing divorce, again!

Dear reader, you have just what I had the second time—the truth that you are not alone. You have a Lover, His name is Jesus and He’s asked you to be His bride and He promises to be the best Husband to you too! Therefore, you, too, can experience joy and blessings that were not there for those who went before you! We all built a bridge for you to walk over into the Promise Land.

“For your Husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth.

“‘For the Lord has called you, Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, Even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,' Says your God”—Isaiah 54:4-6

Here is another powerful testimony that has help lay the foundation to find that narrow gate. “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it”—Matthew 7:13–14

As you read this testimony, and every other one in this book, remember that these are women just like you and me. What happened is real; it is not a television program or a movie, but the life of someone like you, your neighbor, or your friend. Keep that in the forefront of your mind when you read all the testimonies I was given permission to use for my book

When anyone taps into the grace and mercy of God, and chooses His protection over anyone or anything else—the result is always peace!

 

Peace at Last!

I left my home of ten years to live in an apartment in February, due to a court order initiated by my husband. My husband has custody of both our children, and he is the sole occupant of our house.

I was very upset. I had the materials from RYM, but my flesh was angry. I threatened to appeal the decision, but I never did. I went before God fasting and praying with the hope that He would change my husband’s heart. God had other plans—I had to move out of our home, leaving involuntarily without our two children.

I cried asking, “Why me?” In the meantime, my husband told our daughter that the divorce could not be stopped. Yet, there is no divorce, and I never went to court to fight for the custody of our kids. I surrendered all to the Lord. I left with virtually no money in my account. God sent me help for my car, heating, washing machine, and plumbing, when everything went wrong after I moved out.

My life has changed for the better—spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I have lost over twenty-five kilograms [that’s more than 55 lbs.] and look better than before I was married—PTL!

God spoke to me and kept me in check. I learned to seek the love of God first, and not the love of man. Praise God for transforming me! I still have a long way to go to become the woman He wants me to be. His good work will not stop until His name is glorified.

Thank you, RYM, for your ministry, and all the encouraging testimonies I read daily on your site.

~ Jody in Pennsylvania

The principles in this chapter (and in the entire book) are those that I have shared with countless others. Each of them found that following these simple biblical principles often turned their situation around but always brought peace where there once was heartache and/or war.

Who has known the mind of the Lord? “Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became His counselor?” (Rom. 11:33–34). Speak to the Lord about whatever you are facing, then sit quietly and allow your heart to hear from Him.

“‘Woe to the rebellious children,’ declares the Lord, ‘who execute a plan, but not Mine, and make an alliance, but not of My Spirit, in order to add sin to sin; who proceed down to Egypt [the world’s solutions and their help], without consulting Me, to take refuge in the safety of Pharaoh, and to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt!’” (Is. 30:1–2).

Have you sought protection from your attorney or the court system? Do you trust your attorney more than you trust God? “Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength.” Ultimately, by trusting in someone else will make your heart turn “away from the LORD” (Jer. 17:5).

If an attorney was really good protection, then wouldn’t we see women and children protected But we don’t, do we? Instead, the opposite is true, as you and I know and sadly hear all the time. And this is all due to women trusting in man’s protection (courts and attorneys), rather than Christians trusting in God alone! The same is true for a man who tries to use the court system rather than trusting God.

It shall not approach you. “And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also” (Matt. 5:38–48). This principle is one that most people choose to ignore. Jesus not only said that we should not fight back nor defend ourselves, but we are called (if we want to be blessed) to go beyond not resisting, by giving more than is being taken from us!

“…not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Pet. 3:9).

Many of the women in RMI have shared the blessings of offering an additional piece of furniture when their spouse tried to come in and take pieces that they once had fought over! In doing so, they experienced much more than that stupid piece of furniture could buy— they experience peace, and almost always, the hate wall began to fall that was once up between them and their spouse! Some led to instant reconciliation, others found it was a building block to begin rebuilding their houses on the Rock.

Women usually worry that their husbands won’t take care of them. I know the first time this was a concern for me too. Both men and women, we worry that our spouse will take too much of what we (or our children) deserve. Dear reader, if you act like your spouse is your enemy and fight, won’t he or she fight back? Isn’t that what has happened in the past time and again? Isn’t that what Erin said again and again?

Yet, when we choose not to fight, but choose instead a way to go the extra mile by blessing those who are hurting us (we are then promised by God Himself) that we will inherit a blessing! And the blessings given by God are far above what anyone on earth could do for us. It is like God sets us up for a blessing and what sets the blessing in motion is an enemy coming against us! When you look at your enemies in this way, you can’t help but want to bless them since they are the ones who are assuring us the blessings from God being poured all over our lives! And, then, of course it also means that we never need to fear when things come against us!

Just how big is your blessing? Well, generally it will be something that compares to what has been done to us. And, if you do it with a great and enthusiastic attitude, then you will see those blessings multiplied!

 

Laws

Even though Erin covers this in her first Facing Divorce book, Erin and I agreed it was important to go over a few things again in this book. Such as, in most U.S. states you do not violate the law if you do not sign the papers, and/or you don’t show up in court; you merely lose by default. Some states make you sign a waiver that you will not appear, and in some (as in the state of Colorado when I faced my first divorce) you neither had to sign the papers nor show up.

Before you are served papers, like Erin said, take time to check the laws where you live, and don’t just take one person’s word for it if they tell you that you “have to” do anything. I found out the laws changed between my first and second divorce, and that now I could actually go to get the papers from my husband’s attorney that are normally served by a sheriff knocking on our door.

So many of RMI members send in praise reports about how their husband still pays bills and gives to them financially when the court ruled otherwise, which is what happened to me after my first divorce. One woman just wrote to RMI and said that it wasn’t until her husband had a restraining order in place against her that God turned his heart, and she was able to spend time with her children due to her blessing her husband. Why? Because she did not retain her own attorney and when she did not try to deny the false accusations made against her and she chose to stay out of court—God blessed her abundantly based on the amount of her faith and trust in Him!

Before unbelievers. “I say this to your shame. Is it so, that there is not among you one wise man who will be able to decide between his brethren, but brother goes to law with brother, and that before unbelievers?” 1 Corinthians 6:5 When the church began to ignore the biblical teachings, church members also began to ignore the church’s correction— like with men or women who were in adultery.

Neither Erin or I have never heard of a man or woman who turned from his/her sin of adultery after being confronted by anyone representing the church. Some temporarily changed, but in all cases they returned to the other woman or other man! So please save yourself the pain and false hope, don’t ask your pastor to talk to your spouse as Jackie did:

“I was just beginning to know the Lord and was receiving counseling from the pastor at our neighbor’s church and had asked my husband (then having moved out and being with the OW) to come with me. He went reluctantly, which only made him severely angry once the pastor started to get him to admit to his sin . . .”

So sad. Instead, of trying to do something, allow God to turn and soften your husband’s heart; don’t try to get anyone else to try to persuade him. Erin knows this first hand when she shares:

When I was facing divorce in 1989, I heard of a woman whose husband had come home after someone “spiritual” had spoken to him. Then low and behold, I had a dear friend of the family, a real godly man offer to speak to my husband. He even said that he and his friends “had been fasting for some reason” and I was sure this talk with my husband must have been the reason!

I was so excited—I put all my hopes in this talk. They chose to meet at my town home (my husband was actually living with the OW on the other side of town at the time), so I left and waited a reasonable amount of time before going back. When I finally returned home, I was so sure that my husband would be there waiting for me—telling me he was moving home. But instead I found a note saying that he needed time alone for a while, away from me (and the children). The closeness we had come to enjoy, after following God’s principles for months, was gone in an instant. It was a long time before he finally began coming over again.

Dear reader, the result in putting my faith in someone else, rather than in the Lord, almost succeeded in my giving up completely. Had I done so, I would not have been blessed with more children and RMI would never be a ministry to help you or anyone else. ~ Erin

 Just think if Erin had fallen apart and given up. You and I would never have been encouraged and most likely would never know the Lord is our true and loving Husband!

This while facing divorce, the enemy was trying his best to do all he could to discourage me. When the church was told, both my husband and I were required to attend counseling, with several of the pastors who would lay down the law regarding adultery, whereby, if not given up, would result in my husband being removed from the church as pastor! I admired our church for their no-nonsense approach, but unfortunately, my husband simply refused to go and like other pastors, was willing to lose everything due to the sin he was caught in. “His own iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin”—Proverbs 5:22

As I said, I, too, was required to go to counseling, and had to really get prayed up in order not to be tripped up by what I knew would take place during the counseling session!

Mighty Counselor

Counseling is so common when there are marriage troubles, which everyone foolishly believes is part of the solution. The truth is, as marriage counseling increased, so did divorce and remarriage, since this is what is often suggested by the counselor who you come to for help!

Through my involvement with RMI, I have been ministering to women for close to a decade in our church, sharing the truth with women from first hand experience, along with hundreds of testimonies I’ve read that helping Erin, who confirm my total abhorrence to all forms of counseling. Only once did RMI have someone get in Erin’s face (in an email) telling her how much counseling helped her, then just weeks later she wrote back to say that it actually cased her husband to leave her and file for custody in order to hurt her.

If forced to go, as in things like mediation or arbitration that the court/judge might require you to attend, go. You should never be in contempt of court. We only advise not attending when the courts allow it. Just be sure you can’t simply lose by default. But often these sorts of court appointed situations are to discuss property or custody, but in all cases, these are never about ever restoration or reconciliation. Keep this in the forefront of your mind when you attend a court appointed meeting. So that if you (or the attorney you hired who you hired to fight or speak on your behalf) offends your spouse, you may get the money, or even the children (for a time), but you will more than likely severe the hope of restoration or at least extend the journey for several years! And even though children are worth “fighting for” wouldn’t you rather see your children be with both of you, restored?

And as I have shared with you, giving up all you have, will give you peace and joy—and will lead you to the desires of your heart, whatever that may be!

Rather be wronged or defrauded. “Actually, then, it is already a defeat for you [when you go to court or seek the help of legal help], that you have lawsuits with one another. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be defrauded? On the contrary, you yourselves wrong and defraud, and that your brethren” (1 Corinthians 6:7–8). God says it is better that you are wronged and defrauded (cheated or tricked) than to have the courts decide or obtaining any type of legal help. This is not only in regard to divorce— it means all forms of litigation—instead, just trust the Lord! He is free and it is the only method guaranteed by God to work!

“Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength. Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord for he will be like a bush in the desert and will not see when prosperity comes, but will live in stony wastes in the wilderness, a land of salt without inhabitant.”

On the other hand…

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD and whose trust is the LORD. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit”—Jeremiah 17:5–8

Most women that I speak to and who write to RMI, who are in the process of divorce, are still so caught up in what they’ll get, how much money for support (the men for how much they will have to pay for support), and how many possessions that they want to get or the possessions they may lose. But, if you don’t allow yourself to be wronged, cheated, or tricked, how will you ever see the hand of God? If you don’t allow yourself to be backed up to the Red Sea, you will never see God’s power of deliverance! Remember that the “cares and riches of the world is what will choke the Word and His promises!” (Matthew 13:22.) This means that if you look at the materialistic rather than on what you say your goal is, restoration, or you fail to remember what is the most important relationship, with the Lord—it will choke your promise of an abundant life from your heart and future!

In the Bible, we are told that Demas left the Apostle Paul because the cares of the world choked the Word from him. The following verse tells us how . . . “And the one on whom seed was sown among the thorns, this is the man who hears the word, and the worry of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful”—Matthew 13:22. Scripture says specifically that it was because of “worry” and because of how “riches” are so deceitful. We believe that having riches or enough money will bring us happiness, but the rich people of this world prove this is simply not true.

Therefore, don’t worry about anything, especially money or your possessions. Trust that “our God will supply all your needs,” even when the legal papers say that your husband doesn’t have to pay child support (or you have to pay support for more money than you have) or when it doesn’t “look” like there will be enough money for you and/or your children to even survive. Many have fallen from their faith because the Word was choked out their faith in God to provide for them, which simply will not happen if you put your faith and trust in God alone!

Just a couple of days ago one of RMI’s ministers who has twin girls said she was tested on her trusting God to continue to provide for her. She had been divorced for quite a while, but had not gone out to work so she could stay home with her girls. But things got really, really tough when she found she was looking at bills and rent she could not pay. Everyone kept telling her that she needed to go back to work, but she chose to continue trusting the Lord, telling Him (each time she thought about it) “Lord, I am trusting you to provide for me!”

Then, one day she was led to contact her dad because she felt convicted that she hadn’t spoken to him in a while. He said he was just thinking of contacting her because there was an insurance policy he cashed out and wanted her to have the money. It was enough for many months’ living expenses!! Erin said that RMI got her tithe from it the amount just about knocked us all over! Wow!

During my first divorce the papers stated that I wouldn’t get nearly enough to feed my children and myself, not even enough to survive. But God like I read, I also chose to say nothing and trust God to soften my husband’s heart. And because I trusted the Lord and didn’t fight, I didn’t even need to ask for more money or tell my husband my dire situation. God placed it in my husband’s heart to pay all of our bills until later when he was reduced to a slice of bread and so was the OW! Then, when that source dried up, God instantly kicked in and provided for us in so many other ways. On one occasion, there was cash in an envelope in my mailbox—that someone would have needed a key to get into! On another occasion, a woman told me that as she and her husband were praying and that God told them to pay that month’s rent for me. Wild, huh?

Dear reader, God will move into our lives supernaturally IF we lay our fears aside and trust Him to provide. He may lay it on someone’s heart to give you money you need or it could come from something else no one could have imagined! So don’t try to think about or make something happen. The more quiet you are about it, telling only the Lord, the more God moves in your situation.

This time God chose to do something so supernatural, but only after I was able to pass a huge test, which I shared earlier when I was called to pay a past-due building pledge. That time I got a check for $10,000 just two hours later. Then, a few months later I was tested again. I had no money in any of my accounts, and the moment I saw there was no money, the Lord told me to give away the books I had purchased wholesale from RMI—books I still owed money on! I did, and that same day I got an email that at check for over $15,000 was in the mail to me!

As I mentioned earlier, my husband had me sign papers in order for him to not pay any child support. Knowing I had done the right thing, I was tested (or maybe tormented is a better word) when a lady who does Christian counseling at our church came in where I get my nails done. Yes, Jesus is such a great Husband that He will still make sure you get your nails done, or if you haven’t had this treat, you may just start.

Knowing about the divorce, she proceeded to question me about a lot of things that were really none of her business; however, I believed it was a way for her (and everyone else who was listening in the salon!) to hear the testimony of how awesome God is and how blessed a women who trusts in the Lord can be.

When this woman heard that I had signed papers so that my husband would not have to pay child support, she began to SCREAM at me that I had no “right” to do that! That the support was for my children—not me, and on and on she went. I listened, quietly (along with all the other ladies and nail techs in the salon), but when she finally stopped I gently replied, “What you say is true, however, my ex-husband has not been able to find a job since the divorce, and besides, God is now the Father of my fatherless children and He alone can give what my children really deserve. What any man can give is limited—but God’s resources are endless!!”

Though originally outraged, it was like cold water was splashed into her face, and she quietly said she had to agree. And the humiliation was turned to gratitude when again the Lord reminded me of the truth by having Him as my Husband.

Next we’d like to share Diana’s testimony so that you know that God is not a respecter of people—what He has done for others, for me and Erin, He will do for you if you simply trust Him above anything and anyone else!

 

I Am SO Blessed!

“I know I have submitted other praise reports that have listed what I begin to list here, but I just wanted to thank my Lord and Savior again for all he has done! I was sitting here yesterday thinking of all the blessings he has bestowed upon me. Wow, there are so very many! My husband has never given me so many gifts!!

First of all, my husband continues to pay ALL our bills, even after the divorce. He gave me half of his retirement, half of the sale of our house (pray that it never occurs), spousal support that was not required, and child support! He said that I am to use our account like I always have!!

He has given me so many gifts. He still has a closet full of clothes here and all of his mail is sent here. I have noticed he is more respectful of me: he opens my car door, speaks to me with respect, says he wants what I have, and that I have changed so much.

So many prayers I have prayed: for phone calls, time with him, strength, joy, peace, and unconditional love in my heart—and I have received them all! My husband bought me a new vehicle back in May, he wanted us to have a reliable car for both me and the children! He gave me a lap desk, a new computer with printer and scanner, $2,000 because he wanted me to open an account for myself, an artist's paint set with easel, on my birthday he blew up 40 balloons, put streamers in my kitchen, got me a cake and gave me a gift certificate, then took me and the children for dinner! He has taken me to lunch on various occasions, sent me and the children over the summer to Florida for five weeks for vacation, and bought the family a new 36" television! I didn’t really need the t.v., but I know he will like it when he comes home, so I was very appreciative of it!!

He also bought us a new cell phone for me and the children, and he says he will continue to pay it. A beautiful necklace and earrings, that I dreamt about the day he gave them to me. He gives me a hug every time before he leaves, and kind words of how wonderful he thinks I am. God is so awesome. He is blessing me so much!

I am guessing I will think of more later, I have received so many blessings, it was hard to remember them all. God is an awesome God! I want all of you to know I would give everyone of the material things up for my husband to come home. I would live under a bridge if I had to for our family to be restored! All of these things are wonderful blessings, but I want all of you to know it is in our relationship with our Lord and Savior that is the most important thing. He truly does supply ALL of our needs and wants when we believe in Him and His word!

~ Diana in Texas, divorced and blessed

 

A defeat for you. “Actually, then it is already a defeat for you, that you should have lawsuits with one another. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be defrauded?” (1 Corinthians 6:7). This is your answer: if you go into court with your spouse out of fear or even because “you have a plan to stop the divorce” it is already a defeat for you. You may get the money, possessions, or even an audience to proclaim your love for your spouse and your desire for your marriage, but you will lose the victory! Here is another testimony to encourage you to do what is right:

 

Grateful to the Lord!

After what started out as a horrible day, the Lord has ended it what I can only describe as the best day of my life!

I had to go to a court ordered (all divorce cases in our county with children must have both parents attended before a divorce will be granted) class to help your children cope with divorce.

In reality, it was a chance to bash husbands, to learn how to move on, and to learn how to start a new relationship with someone new and make it work!

It had very little to do with children and everything to do with getting us on the “right path” to recovery. It was horrible, but I know the truth and was able to stand on the truth!

After the class, we had our weekly RYM meeting here at my house. My daughter (15), who usually does not hang around for any part of it, sat through the whole meeting with us today. She ended up saying something about her dad as everyone was leaving, and after this class, it was just enough for me, and she could tell that everything was getting me down a little. My unbelieving daughter (that we have all been praying will come to Christ) looked at me and began MINISTERING to me.

My daughter explained that I was far too close to this purposed divorce to see the truth. She explained that I cannot see how close dad is to coming home and are you ready for this?

My daughter started telling me that “sin” feels good for a short time only, and that the Lord’s blessing was not on this other relationship her dad was in and that as soon as the last cords were broken, he would be home.

My daughter explained to me that the Lord was not holding his relationship together, so it was doomed from the start. She went on to tell me that the OW is getting bitter and jealous and pointed out things she has seen in her dad to support this (that could only be seen through "spiritual eyes").

My daughter then began telling me how God was going to restore this marriage and that IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! My daughter is just sure that any and all pain I may have been in and all I have gone through with this season in my life will be worth it when the Lord heals my marriage for good. She told me that we will have years of happiness from the Lord’s restoration! She then went on to tell me that she believes the Lord will do something big and miraculous in this pending divorce! She explained how she has seen the Lord change me. I was able to again let her know that my sins are what brought us to this place and I was able to lift her dad up in our conversation.

I looked at my daughter and smiled and said, “You’re going to become a Christian out of all this aren’t you?” She looked at me, smiled, and said, “Probably!” She gave me a look like she is having her heart turned even as we were speaking!

What a Lord we serve—I am at a loss for words even as my spirit soars! If nothing else ever comes from this whole separation and purposed divorce, my daughter’s salvation was more than worth it and truth be told, I would gladly take that in exchange for even my marriage being restored.

I am just in awe and so humbled and so grateful to the Lord. My daughter still has a way to go, but the Lord has her on the right path now, and I am ever thankful to my Lord and Savior! I have no words, only thankfulness in my heart for the Lord’s work in my daughter’s life! Praise Him!!

~ Kris in Texas, separated going through a purposed divorce

Dear RMI,

I was reading a praise report from Kris in Texas the other day and felt the Lord was prompting me to write a praise report I have been putting off sending it because of time (yes, I know, it is a poor excuse). I ask for everyone’s forgiveness and forgiveness from my Lord and Savior for not sending it in.

I just recently read, in the October newsletter, a donation letter from Kristen in Texas. This is me, and I wanted to follow-up on all the wonderful things that have happened since that (still somewhat embarrassing) $5.00 donation I made to your ministry. I had, at that time in August, just received the initial divorce filing papers. Unfortunately, I did not get a hold of the not getting a lawyer principle at the time of the initial service of the papers. I had a “fired up” free lawyer from a state legal aid grant.

After taking my case and starting paper work, etc. they made an unprecedented decision to drop my case because of caseload. My particular lawyer fought and argued and still could not get the case re-instated. The lawyer told me this had never happened before—ever. I just felt a calm that I could not explain and felt in my soul the Lord was telling me LOUD and CLEAR that I was not going to need a lawyer. Unfortunately again, I was so new in my walk with the Lord and still did not have the RYM resources. I talked to my pastor at church, and he helped arrange for a very high priced lawyer for me for no fee.

This lawyer was a “fighter” and actually sued my husband for legal fees after telling me I would not have to pay! I really thought the Lord had arranged for this lawyer, because it was through my pastor, and she was a “Christian lawyer.” However, the Lord really got a hold of me through RYM, and I fired her and told my husband I had done so.

Through a series of events, I ended up having to fire her twice more; each time I tried hard to make sure I did it quickly out of obedience to my Lord. I must have finally done it in the right way and the right time frame because she has filed the paper work to remove herself and for the judge to sign the motion without a hearing. The lawyer filed that paperwork, and to this date, more than a year later, the judge has not seen fit to sign that order. There is confusion and paperwork problems all over this pending divorce. The Lord is so wonderful!!

I have no idea why the paperwork is being held and is such a problem, but I just praise the Lord and know that He is at work!! What a wonderful Lord we serve!! I have no idea what the Lord has in mind in this, but I know it is a miracle!! To this date my husband still pays all the bills and covers me on his health insurance. He also gives me spending money. A better statement would be that the Lord has blessed me so generously by my husband continuing to do all these things!!

The Lord has led me to make sure I donate ten percent of all the spending money my husband gives to me to your ministry. You will be receiving it in the regular mail in a few days. I have received as gifts or been able to order all the RYM resources now. I watch all the videos I have everyday all day long. I had no idea how much this would benefit me and how much this would help me!

I encourage everyone to saturate yourself with any and all of the RYM materials you can get and with the WORD!! I have met a friend through the RYM home fellowship (although I do not lead it, the group meets in my home every week), she and I spend hours pouring over Scripture, using our new concordances, and using several different versions of the Bible. With all of these things in my life and my mind, there is not only very little room for the enemy to work, but when things happen, Scripture is the first thing that comes to mind! It is wonderful to be able to tell the enemy, “It is written!!”

Faith really does come from hearing and hearing from the word of God!! “So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Rom. 10:17 KJV). I also have divided up Psalms 119 and read a portion everyday along with the Psalms and Proverbs as RYM recommends, and I added two chapters from both the New and Old Testaments daily. The Word of the Lord really is as it says in Hebrews 4:12, “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

All of these blessings came out of the obedience to send in a little $5.00 donation that I was not sure would even help anyone or the ministry, but the Lord wanted me to send it and I did. The Lord is so wonderful and we really do go from blessing to blessing when we walk in obedience! Malachi 3:10, “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. ‘Test me in this,’ says the LORD Almighty, ‘and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.’” and John 1:16, “From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.”

Thank you so much for your faithfulness to the Lord and for giving so much of yourselves to the people who seek you through your ministry. You have helped my family and me more than I could ever express. I also thank and praise the Lord for leading me here and for all He has done for me. I started this journey to restore my marriage, but I have found wonderful friends and most important THE LORD who has given me a new heart, a new life, and a new self esteem grounded in Him rather than my marriage, others, and false idols. I do not have enough of a gift for the written word to even get close to what I feel and all that has happened. Words are truly inadequate.

God’s Blessings,

~ Terri in Tennessee

P.S.

I would also like to apologize for any praise reports I sent in before I got to this place in this restoration. I cringe when I think of them. The Lord has sooo changed me! Thanks for your love and support. This ministry and all your families are in my prayers.

No one will see the Lord. “Pursue peace with all men, and sanctification without which no one will see the Lord”—Hebrews 12:14–15

If you wish to act as the Lord acted (Jesus was totally innocent) remember that He “opened not His mouth in defense,” (1 Peter 2:23). And when you are asked, it is an opportunity to bless your spouse, not defend yourself.

"Your testimonies also are my delight; they are my counselors"—Psalm 119:24 Use Caroline’s testimony to counsel you, as she said:

“As we talked about money and custody issues over the course of two hours, God shut my mouth and only opened it when I had something fabulous to say about my husband: his integrity, his great earning capacity, his care of the children, and his responsible way of providing all of our needs and managing our money!”

Don’t you want your spouse to see Jesus in you as Caroline’s husband did? But most of us quench the work of the Holy Spirit when we do the things we “want to” instead of what we “ought to.” Do it God’s way—it really works!

Put away. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away with all malice” (Eph. 4:31). If you have a lawyer, there is no doubt that slander and wrath will, or has, taken place. This is what divorce is all about and why people use attorneys to represent them. You must put it all away from you. You cannot control what your attorney says to your spouse or to your spouse’s attorney. He or she will also advise you about legal matters, but this is a spiritual battle, not one that will be won in the flesh. And don’t be deceived, it doesn’t matter if you have a “Christian” attorney or not—all “deliverance by man is in vain!” (Ps. 108:13). You already read this in one of the previous testimonies, remember?

Deliverance by man is in vain. “O, give us help against the adversary, for deliverance by man is in vain” (Ps. 108:12–13). RMI has been sent countless testimonies of all the ways that people try to deliver themselves, only to find that even though the judge gives a judgment of a certain amount of money or protection, the courts won’t make your spouse pay (or protect you from the vengeance or physical harm due to the anger caused by the divorce)!

Physical violence is increasing. Today RMI gets many questionnaires that share horror stories of husbands who have attempted to kill their wife after arguing or when they simply will not let go. There are television shows that follow this topic as it continues to rise.

There has also been a lot of media attention given to those who don’t pay child support. You surely have heard stories about men who come after their wives for physical revenge—and law enforcement can’t help them! Even with police protection women, ex-wives and mothers are killed by due to anger and revenge. PLEASE, allow God to turn the heart of your spouse (Prov. 21:1) rather than using the court system to get your ex to do something he doesn’t want to do.

Your spouse doesn’t need stricter penalties; how foolish for us to think it will help! What men and women need is a new heart— a new heart that will love you and/or your children. “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26). And the way you help this promise of a new heart to come about is with this promise: “When a man’s ways [your ways] are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him” (Proverbs 16:7). All the testimonies in this book, on the RMI website, and in the Word of Their Testimony books, prove this is true!

Though God used my husband for my income the first time he divorce me, this time the Lord allowed me to look to HIM alone for all my financial needs. There are so many women who whine about their husbands not paying, when in fact, everything any woman gets is from the Lord. Right? You men seeking restoration often whine even louder when you are “forced” to have to pay a particular sum thinking you are the ones who have to work harder to pay it. How foolish since He tells us that He is the one who wants to provide, even while we sleep!

“It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; for He gives to His beloved even in his sleep” (Psalm 127:2).

Believing this verse wholeheartedly, the Lord chose this time to show this principle true in my life and in the lives of other women whose husband began not paying support. What was the result? These women and I found that we had MORE, not less, than before. We not only had enough, we had an abundance—most of us ended up having more than before— than before the divorce! And none of us can explain how it happened; it was simply do to trusting our new Husband.

Not only do we have more, but also when it comes to being able to give gifts to my children, for birthdays and Christmas for instance, I give much more to my children than my ex-husband does because my Source is the Lord, and His source is unlimited! It really doesn’t make any sense, but it has happened time after time and speaks volumes to my children, who, by the way, are always watching.

My ex-husband, who is now remarried, is in a two-income family. In addition, his wife gets child support from her ex-husband, and my ex-husband does not pay child support for his children. Then, just to stack the odds (because God wants to show that nothing is impossible for Him) my ex-husband, while visiting my children while I was in Hong Kong, came to our home and destroyed the warehouse of paperback books (after I started a Christian book company to support our lost income after he left). This meant that I basically had NO INCOME at all, and yet, I continued to be the one who was constantly blessed, and as a result, was in a position to be able to bless my children!!

When you look to your husband, to the courts, or to anyone else (even trying to figure out how YOU would make the money you need), you will miss what the Lord longs to do for you! He is the One who gives to us even in our sleep. It is not earned, it is a gift—just like salvation to everyone who believes and longs for Him alone! We can’t earn salvation, it’s a free gift.

Take refuge in the Lord. “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man” (Ps. 118:8). A lawyer is no substitute for the Lord. Can a Christian have both a lawyer and God’s protection, or are they actually in opposition to one another? Here is your answer, “Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength. Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord” (Jeremiah 17:5–8).

We have found in the area of divorce or child custody that you can either be blessed by trusting the Lord or cursed by what you and an attorney can do by appealing to the courts and judges. You must ultimately decide. I decided the first time that I really would certainly lose if I tried to fight against my husband. I might win more money, but thankfully, I wanted the Lord more than earthly possessions—I wanted more of Him! And since gaining Him, everything else was added to me! (Matthew 6:33)

Now, “Cease striving and know that I am God” (Ps. 46: 8–10).  Here is another testimony to encourage you!

Thank you, God, for all Your Wondrous Works in my Life!

How does one begin to express the complete joy and peace that comes with walking in obedience to God? Words seem inadequate and yet, with all the blessings and answers to prayer in my life, I know that I need to find a way to write about God's almightiness, His faithfulness, and His power in a praise report.

In the past five weeks, my life has completely changed. I have known such heartache, such brokenness, such sorrow, and God took all of this and made me new. The most joyous words I could ever imagine were said by my husband one evening, as he once again talked to me of his own pain and suffering caused by my contentiousness, manipulation, and lack of submission. He said, "How does one divorce the nicest person in the world? You have changed so much"!

Although my husband was in our home, he was not planning to stay, and he told me of his hate for me, that he no longer loved me, and that there was another woman who "liked him just as he was"! He wanted nothing to do with me and was pursuing divorce.

In the past five weeks, I have confessed to him of my failing, of which he has replied that “the past is in the past, and we can move forward now.” He has talked to me about the importance of God in his life, and I did not try to make him think like I think, or believe what I believe. Praise God, I can now listen and keep my mouth shut. This is a miracle in itself of huge proportions!

He is HAPPY when he is around me; he has told me I look beautiful when, previously, he told me I was completely unattractive to him. He seeks my company instead of avoiding me. We have been reunited physically as one flesh even though he told me he could never make love to me again, that all his feelings for me had disappeared, and that I was no longer desirable to him.

He has completely taken over the finances in our family, after I confessed how overwhelmed and inadequate I felt in this regard. He is the head of our household now. I discuss all things with him and do not make decisions against him or without his direction.

He travels with his work, and God has answered my prayers, providing work close to home, and even delaying his next job (in the town where the OW lives), several times, giving us more time to be with one another, and more opportunity for me to submit and show him the changes God is making in me. God has given me peace of mind. God has made me able to cope with the uncertainty, because we do not discuss the OW at all, nor do I make any reference to her existence. Fortunately, I read your books and knew about winning without a word from A Wise Woman, Praise God!!!

After telling me that he hated our home, and dreaded spending time here, that he avoided coming home as much as possible, he has taken a new interest. In one of our many heart-wrenching conversations, I told him that I would be willing to sell our home and move to another if he was so unhappy here. He replied that he just thought he might like to enlarge the kitchen that, in fact, he didn't desire to live anywhere else; he likes the location, the house, and the neighborhood. God is working in the most incredible ways. Sometimes, I feel physically faint at the overwhelming awesomeness of it all.

I have been caring completely for my husband. He has had surgery recently, and has been ill with stomach flu, and it was a pleasure, a joy, to care for him, for all his needs. I no longer feel exhausted, resentful, or out-of-sorts. I find complete joy in caring for my husband and family, because I know that I am in obedience to God. There is no better feeling than walking with our almighty Father. I praise God and thank God that I have been made sorrowful to the point of repentance, and that he loves me so much that I am forgiven my sins and made new.

My husband has begun to do little things for me . . . carry down the laundry, make my breakfast, make me tea, grocery shop with me, come home early, ask how I slept, if I am cold, small gestures that he had not done for so many years. I no longer EXPECT these things, but rejoice that God is turning his heart from stone to flesh. He does not say he loves me yet, but he acts lovingly, he laughs, and cuddles me. But I know that God loves me completely, and His will shall be done. For our wonderful God hates divorce, as Scripture tells us, and He made me, just as he made Eve, a "suitable" helper for my husband. Thank you, God, for all your wondrous works in my life!

Ginger in Louisiana, married

It’s Not Too Late

Nothing is impossible. Some of you have read my Restoration Journey Novel after you have been part of a divorce, or maybe even have instigated it and now you regret it—believing that for you, it’s hopeless due to your mistakes.

If you have been a key player in the divorce proceedings, all is not lost. Simple ask the Lord’s forgiveness and then your spouse’s forgiveness. Demonstrate your desire to have the family together by dropping any and all legal action or protection. Then God will be able to begin to heal the relationship right now because “With God nothing is impossible” (Matthew 19:26).

Again, if you have retained a lawyer, dismiss him or her immediately if you want the Best to defend and bless you. Then pray, “Lord, there is no one besides Thee to help us in the battle between the powerful and those who have no strength; so help us, O Lord our God, for we trust in Thee, and in Thy name have come against this, O Lord. Thou art our God; let not man prevail against Thee” (2 Chronicles 14:11).

Harder to be won. If you have already been through a divorce, bitterness, resentment, and extreme anger are probably what your spouse feels toward you now. Pray that God will forgive your transgressions and blot out the bad memories he/she has (Psalm 9:4-8) and replace the bad memories with good thoughts. Spend more time with the Lord than you spend doing anything else or with anyone else, which will result in your being sweeter (again, sweetness of speech adds persuasiveness) with everyone, including your ex-spouse. And if things don’t get better right away, remember, “A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle” (Proverbs 18:19).

Rather than pursuing your spouse, keep your eyes on the Lord and your heart in HIS hands. If Jesus is all you want and all you need, and you begin to hotly pursue Him, soon your ex-spouse will begin to pursue you! Just allow the change in you begin to allure your spouse. Speaking kindly, and letting them know how you feel through the look in your eye, well, you know, the way you got them the first time. Or if you really want them to pursue you, once you’re a women in love with the Lord, you will become even more alluring.

 

The Desires of Your Heart

At some point, like many of us who went through a divorce, and began pursuing the Lord rather than an ex-husband, you, too, may come to a place where you begin to want the Lord permanently as your Husband and you no longer want restoration or your ex-husband. Some women tell me and write to RMI they feel guilty, as I experienced myself.

For you men, it might be different. The apostle Paul wrote concerning this in 1 Corinthians 7:2, 7–9 “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife…Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that…if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”   

The first time I faced divorce, it was pretty clearly God’s will for me was to seek Him for a restored marriage. And later, due to my restoration, I was blessed with more children and found RMI! Like Erin, from the time I was a little girl the desires of my heart was to have a big family just like our mothers. My restoration also resulted in finding a ministry I could be part of and help spread in my own community and church. Had I not allowed God to do what HE wanted, and restore my marriage the first time, I would not have fulfilled the call He had on my life.

This time things were totally different. This time I knew the difference between being alone with Him (those eighteen months that my husband was gone the first time), and having a husband after we were restored. Honestly, no man can compare to the kind of Husband the Lord could be to me—no one! So this time I begged the Lord not to restore my marriage, so that I could be His alone!!

“My beloved is mine, and I am His… When I found Him whom my soul loves; I held on to Him and would not let him go…For I am lovesick.” (Song of Solomon 3:2–4; 5:8).

Was I afraid since I would then be what the world would see as a single mom? No.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear…” (1 John 4:18).

“‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope’” (Jeremiah 29:11).

With my heart of wanting to be His alone, there were many more fires I would be asked to go through, waters that I was sure would drown me. But in the end, and through it all, I experienced supernatural peace and blessings too many to count.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you” Isaiah 43:2. Am I the only one who feels this way? Here are a few testimonies that I am not alone:

With so many women experiencing the Lord and living as His bride, RMI is seeing many more women experiencing restored marriages, but also so many who are longing for when they were His bride alone.

 

“It was Better for Me Then than Now”

It has been a month since I experienced a restored marriage and I have been very happy, my husband and I are so in love. It is everything and more than what my heart desired for a restored marriage. As happy as I am, there has been something missing and I know all too well what it is.... My First Husband. My heart, mind and spirit (in the busyness of work, my home, my husband, my daughter, washing, cooking and tidying) longs for, pants for, my Husband and we both want to get back what I had together: the time alone with Him, speaking to Him, hearing Him speak to me. Once you know THIS awesome HUSBAND you cannot go back.

When you SEEK HIM, He will show you as He showed me. As I read the "What Now" that was sent to me from RMI after submitting my restored marriage testimony. This is what the Lord showed me and it is so funny, LOL, because before I came to RMI I used to pray this same scripture for my then estranged husband, desperately, feverishly—when he was living with the ow!!

Hosea 2:7 “She (I used to put he or my husband) will run after her lovers, but she won’t catch them. She will search for them, but she won’t find them. Then she will say, ‘I’ll go back to my first husband. Things were better for me than they are now.”

Back then, I used to pray desperately for my husband, praying that as he ran after his lovers he would not find them, that he would look for them and not find them. AND NOW I KNOW. These scriptures were for me, yes me!! What struck me was these words from the verses above "I will go back to my husband, it was better for me then than now"!

During my time of being divorced, looking back it was "better for me then than now", my relationship with my Husband was idyllic, I lived for Him, I spent so much time with Him. I loved Him and He loved me; it was such a special time, it was glorious, it was marvelous and it was awesome 🙂 🙂 I loved it!!!!

Ladies, I want to encourage you to enjoy your time with your Husband (while it lasts), because before you know it, if you fall in love with your HH and let go of your EH, you will be restored to your earthly husband and long for your time you once had only for Him.

I praise God for showing me how better it was for me then than now, because my attention and focus was Him and how He taught me through RMI to put Him first. “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first.” Revelation 2:4.

God is so awesome and so in tune with you when you pray, as He shows you great and unsearchable things.

Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to Me and I will answer you and show you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

So I'm happy to run and jump into my Husband’s arms, His love is amazing!!

~ Atarah in South Africa

 

“Missing the Solitude After Restoration”

“It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.” Psalm 119:71 NIV

This scripture has become the resonating theme throughout my Restoration Journey. I never thought in all my life that I would be giving thanks to my HH for allowing affliction to come into my life. But, if it were not for my marital affliction, I would have not come to know Him as my Lord, Savior, Heavenly Husband, Protector, Provider, and Friend. I would not have learned to put my complete and total trust in Him and I most certainly would not have known the principle of tithing. Throughout this past year, I have been privileged to witness my HH move in ways unimaginable. I am privileged to have had the opportunity to trek this pilgrimage with the remarkable women of this ministry. I have learned so much and experienced such closeness with Him and was surprised the He has decided to Restore my marriage.

Yes, my dear, sweet, beloved sisters, I am restored! I thought that I would be shouting it from the rooftops, but the fact of the matter is, I now realize that I am going to miss the peaceful solitude that I shared with Him. It is such a challenging experience to move from being totally immersed in our HH to now being restored and again being a wife. This time I am totally committed to building my house on The Rock, and submitting to my EH’s lead. This has been such a tremendous blessing and I am so thankful that I was led to this ministry.

So, I wanted to give praise to my HH for all of you. Thank you for allowing me the privilege to witness how He is moving in your life. Thank you for sharing your struggles, praises, and breakthroughs, as well as listening while I shared mine. Thank you for your willingness to submit to His call and be humbly transparent throughout your journey.

I will continue to SG as I have yet to complete my courses, but I will submit to His guidance and follow where this journey leads. I love you all so much, and I will continue praying for you and praising our HH for you.

~ Cierra in Kentucky, RESTORED