FDA Chapter 4. Dealing with “Those Talks”

"But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts,
always being ready to make a defense to everyone
who asks you to give an account
for the hope that is in you,
yet with gentleness and reverence”
 —1 Peter 3:13-15

 

Once your spouse leaves from talking to you, or you hang up the phone, immediately go to your prayer closet and tell the Lord everything that you are feeling and thinking. If you have wisely not asked questions and resisted what you wanted to say or do, then, you will find that you not only will recover from this horrible blow, but you will be one step closer to restoration.

Once you go and tell the Lord everything, then (and this is very important and something we so often miss), sit very quietly and ask the Lord to tell you how He feels and thinks! This is when you will hear the still small voice of the Lord!! You don’t want to miss it by running out to go call a friend, or worse, hurry to tell your spouse what you think or how you feel, or to ask him/her questions about what he/she said!

Remember, “Do not be in a hurry to leave him. Do not join in an evil matter, for he [she] will do whatever he [she] pleases” (Eccl. 8:3).

God wants you to learn to hear His voice, so He can lead you to find your abundant life. He wants to lead you through the “valley of the shadow of death.” But to do so, we need to quiet our minds and our spirits and just listen. When you have just been stabbed in the heart, your heart is open to hear His voice like no other time. Then once you have learned how to get alone with Him and hear His voice, you will be able to hear Him without needing a wounded to the heart—you will soon be able to hear Him clearly in a loud room. But it begins, first, with going to a quiet place, pouring out your heart, and then being quiet so He can pour out His heart into yours!

Usually, with me, He often begins to speak His Word to me, such as in a Bible verse, which comes into my mind and heart. This is why it is so important that you devour reading your Bible and mark (with a colored pencil) the promises He is showing you. Remember that most of your promises are going to be found in Psalms, and later, you’ll find special things from Him throughout the Bible, including some of the Old Testament books that very few Christians read. Just let His Holy Spirit lead you. Begin your Bible reading by asking the Lord what He wants to show you each and every day.

God tells us in the Lord’s Prayer to ask for “our daily bread”; therefore, He already has spiritual food, designed just for us, each day. Don’t make the mistake of not asking or not being spiritually fed every day—especially while facing divorce. Each spiritual meal is not enough for two days. It is also not enough to eat just once in the morning. And just as the experts in our physical health tell us that eating a lot of small meals throughout the day is better for us, as far as spiritual matters, I will tell you that enjoying the Word of God and being in His presence throughout the day, will sustain you and nourish you spiritually rather than spending a longer time just once a day.

“O taste and see that the LORD is good; how blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!” (Ps. 34:8).

Spiritual meals just doesn’t “happen” so be sure to plan out your day to “taste and see that the Lord is good” not just once in the morning, but feast on His Word and His promises throughout the day. This will keep you in perfect peace rather than fighting or suffering despair.

Praise is another area that will take you to the heights of JOY that will transform you, your life, and whatever you are going though now and in the future. If what is up ahead is keeping you from praising God like He should be praised, let your mind “fast forward” to the future that He has planned for you. Don’t look at what “may” be up ahead, like what will happen if or when you sign divorce papers, or the fear of running into the other woman at the ball game, or who your husband/wife might be seeing when he/she is not with you—instead look to the future—a future that He has planned just for you!

“Delight yourself in the LORD; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light and your judgment as the noonday.

Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Cease from anger and forsake wrath;
 Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, but those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land” (Ps. 37:4-9).

Whatever the Lord has promised you—look ahead and focus on that. Then begin to praise Him like you know you will praise Him when (not if) it happens!! Will you dance and sing before the Lord when your miracle arrives? Then show God you believe Him and praise Him now! Don’t wait, right in the midst of each onslaught of evil or wickedness—rejoice, because you are now one step closer to the desires of your heart!

When the Israelites took Jericho they shouted for victory that crumbled the walls! They didn’t shout after the walls fell down, it was their shout before hand that crumbled the walls! And again in Second Chronicles chapter 20, Jehoshaphat praised God and the Levites stood up to praise the Lord with a very loud voice before the victory that caused the enemy to destroy themselves!!! And if that were not enough, after the enemy was completely destroyed, it took them three days to collect all the spoil left behind!! Believe this for your situation since God also promises us  for all the injustices done to us.

“Speak kindly to Jerusalem; and call out to her, that her warfare has ended, that her iniquity has been removed, that she has received of the LORD'S hand double for all her sins” (Isa. 40:2). Did you notice that He said you will receive double, not for what you did that was right, but also for what you did wrong? Remember that when you try to beat yourself up with your mistakes. He also said He will give you double for things done to you! Read it…

“Instead of your shame you will have a double portion, and instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion. Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land, everlasting joy will be theirs” (Isa. 61:7).

It is what you believe that is the deciding factor between prospering and destruction.

“Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says is going to happen, it will be granted him” (Mark 11:23).

If you believe that destruction is up ahead, it surely will happen. If, however, you believe that God is a good God, and is using this crisis to bless you (and bless you each and every step of the way), then that is what will happen.

Be sure to focus on what God has done for you rather than what may be coming against you! Each day, as the song says, “Count your blessings, name them one by one; count your blessings, see what God has done!” Do this as you lay down to go to bed at night, and again in the morning. Thank Him for each thing He did for you the day before. When you get on the phone to talk to your friend, name your blessings one-by-one—stop talking about the bad things. God loves to be praised; therefore, He will continue to bless the ones who will take the time and effort to give Him the praise He deserves!!

Praise the Lord in song. Sing songs that sing to Him not about Him; songs that speak to the Lord, in the first person. It is very easy to find great praise and worship music—praise the Lord—it’s everywhere! You might be drawn to what your church sings, but also try also to branch out by asking your friends (who are on-fire for the Lord) what they listen to. I am pleased to have sons who play on the Praise and Worship team in their church. So, since they are often practicing, their praise and worship music is what I hear continually and what I tend to prefer.

Not only is praise music a way to turn your mourning into dancing, but so do love songs that you sing to the Lord. There are lots of Christian love songs that you might hear at weddings. These songs used to pierce my heart because, like Leah from the Bible, I never felt truly loved by my husband. (Men, are you listening? Because I will tell you that is why your wife has left you.) But ever since I began singing love songs to the Lord, I feel I am the most blessed and loved woman on this earth! I am truly HIS bride.

Once you are done praising the Lord in song and dance, and you’ve sung that special love song to Him, make sure you also tell Him how you feel about Him. Tell Him how much you love Him. Tell Him that there is no one and nothing you want or need besides Him. This kind of interaction needs to be done all day long— whenever you experience any negative feelings, and each time you experience good things that happen to you. Just make sure you take the time to tell Him how much you love Him and cherish Him.

This kind of interaction with the Lord will prepare you for any and every “talk” your spouse might approach you with. It will take no real “effort” on your part to simply just agree, but to respond to what he/she says enthusiastically!! Because, your trust is in the Lord not the plans the enemy is trying to make happen, and when I say “enemy” I am not talking about the plans your spouse or the other person in their lives may have to destroy you but who is behind it. Remember they are in the process of having their lives destroyed too—they just don’t realize it!

So, instead of fretting, you will join in with the Lord as He laughs at what the enemy is trying to do because His Word says…

“Why are the nations in an uproar and the peoples devising a vain thing? The kings of the earth take their stand and the rulers take counsel together Against the LORD and against His Anointed... He who sits in the heavens laughs, the Lord scoffs [makes fun] at them” (Psalm 2: 1–4).

Through the power I have gained through a close of intimacy with the Lord, coupled with being baptized in the Holy Spirit (which automatically gives you spiritual boldness), which I did not have the first time around, along with the testimonies that I began to read to gather for this book, I was able to not just agree (or endure), but I could respond to all my husband’s evil plans enthusiastically. This is because I knew that everything that happened and everything that looked negative would eventually turn out to be a blessing for me (and my children)!

“We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

I was able to: enthusiastically take on all of our family and business debt (and there was ten times what I thought we had!), enthusiastically sign the divorce papers so that my husband would not have to pay any child support and enthusiastically listened to my husband telling me more and more about the woman he was involved with.

“Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?” (Rom. 8:35).

“My beloved is mine, and I am His… When I found Him whom my soul loves; I held on to Him and would not let him go…For I am lovesick.” (Song of Solomon 3:2–4; 5:8).

*When Jesus is all you need and all you want—no one can hurt you.

As a result, now I not only have peace, but I have joy that makes me want to leap and dance. But that is far from all, the Lord has gone before me and surrounded me with favor everywhere I turn! Opportunities have come up that I never dreamed would happen to me, as well as financial blessings that turn up each and every day!

This is not just available to me, but to each and every one of you who chooses this path Jesus encouraged us to take— rather than the wide and destructive road that the world takes when facing divorce.

“In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it” (Matt. 7:12–14).

Sadly the wide road to destruction is the very same road that most Christians choose to take right beside the unbeliever. Foolishly they take the same path as the unbeliever by retaining a “good” attorney to fight for them and by trying to block and fight the evil when Jesus told us clearly not to!

“But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two” (Matt. 5:38–40).

 

Some Christians may not be able to achieve this “holy” boldness, because they have not been filled with the Holy Spirit. And by the way, holy boldness is not the “in-your-face” kind of attitude; it is instead the ability to turn the other cheek and to remain quiet when being accused unjustly.

 

“For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps . . . and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him (God) who judges righteously” (1 Pet. 2:21-23).

 

What does it means to be filled, or baptized in the Holy Spirit? It is to get more of God. I know without a doubt, that this one asset I had this time, which gave me the spirit boldness and spiritual fuel that I needed to be able to “benefit” rather than simply “endure” this spiritual onslaught of the wicked against me (and my children) that meant that I did not need to struggle.

Being filled with the Holy Spirit is a gift, which means you can’t earn it or work for it—just like your salvation is a gift. It’s just something you ask for and trust that you will receive it. To gain an understanding of this gift, read the book of Acts 2 and Acts 4. Also, listen to the “Be Encouraged” videos, which also explains this gift that Jesus told the disciples to wait for.

If Jesus told the apostles (who were hiding in the upper room after the crucifixion) to wait there until they got filled with the Holy Spirit, then it is something that you, too, should desire to have no matter what your denominational beliefs. I want all God has for me, how about you?