FDA Chapter 5. Beyond Agreement

If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt,

give him your coat also.

—Matthew 5:40

 

During my first divorce the Lord helped me to learn how to “agree with my adversary” (Matthew 5:25 KJV), but this time He chose to bring me (and you) higher. Going higher with God means greater intimacy, greater blessings, and to get there—greater tests and deeper trials.

The principle that I learned to use this time says, “But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you”—Matthew 5:39–42.

This one principle has always yielded huge blessings in my life, but none so much as when I was facing divorce this time. This principle of going beyond what is asked of us, coupled with doing it “enthusiastically,” will yield blessings that you never dreamed of—just as it has done for me!

Though it was God who began leading me to do this, once I was able to consciously looking for opportunities, I took a moment one day to go to my prayer closet to make sure that I totally and completely understood when to apply this principle of giving beyond what was asked: to go the second mile, to give the coat when only asked for the shirt, to turn to the other cheek.

The Lord’s answer was so simple; He said it is when they ask! Well, duh, it does say that, doesn’t it??!! But sometimes the simplest things evade our ability to comprehend them.

It was each time my husband “asked” for something when I was supposed to give him more than he asked for. And the awesome thing is that when you and I are walking in the Spirit of the Lord, are yielded to His will, and are sensitive to Him because we have spent lots of time with Him, we don’t even have to stop and think of what to give beyond what is asked, it just rolls right off our tongue!!

Most Christians instead resist what is asked of them, or give it finally in a bargain, with strings attached! Is it any wonder why Christian marriages collapse at a higher rate than the unbeliever? It is time for believers to live according to the example the Lord left us to follow, and to take the power of the Holy Spirit, and follow what He said we are supposed to do!

In the process of revising this book my husband told me he was going to move away and asked if he could take our younger children with him (or fly them there) periodically for a week or two since they are homeschooled. I responded enthusiastically “of course!” and then went on to say without having to think about it, “I have a friend up there that I would love to meet, so whenever you like, I can drive them up myself  and then drive them back, saving you some time and money!”

My husband was so grateful, and then tender towards me for many days later. I was not trying to allure my husband, because I am not seeking restoration (this time I am only interested in pursuing the Lord); nevertheless, I can see that though I am not interested, following these principles act like a magnet since this is humility! No one can resist kindness shown to them, especially when they are “undeserving” of it and when there are no strings attached. Though they may try to resist, humility begins to penetrate a hardened heart and causes a spouse to begin to see the difference between who he/she might be pursing and the one he/she is choosing to leave behind. Are you listening?

[Side note: since writing this it has been three years and I never once was asked to drive my children ten hours north! Instead, because I followed these principles, enthusiastically, not allowing fear or reason to stop me from following the principles I am sharing with you now, the Lord actually blessed me! Because in the divorce papers it clearly states that each of us is responsible to share the delivery or retrieval of the children and that has never once been asked of me! This, dear reader, is God at work!]

Also, being uninterested in your spouse who has left you, or filed for divorce is extremely alluring (especially when you don’t want it to be, since it is so sincere). So many men/women refuse to let go of their spouse, and as result, are caught in an endless cycle of pain. If you make Jesus all you want and all you need then your heart will rest safely in His hands and the desire to get your spouse back will fade in your attitude. This will result in your spouse alluring/pursing you! How’s that for a turn of events?

It will not work, however, but will backfire, if you are playing games. Many people will tell you to pretend you are involved with someone else or something stupid like that. Playing games is also deceptive, and God will not be mocked.

When you are involved with Jesus, I guarantee that you will look as if you have a Lover, and you will glow. Couple that will enthusiastically letting go, and the tables will turn more quickly than the weeks, months, or years it took for your spouse to want nothing to do with you!! Guaranteed!!