Day 27 Your ePartner

The Role of an ePartner and how to find YOURS

ePartners

Do you still feel terribly alone?

No one you know seems to understand or care?

Trust me, when I began my Restoration Journey decades ago, in 1989, everyone thought I was crazy and what I was attempting to do was impossible!!

In 1990, after a year of feeling that I was as crazy as people said, I cried out to God to send me just ONE person who understood what I was going through—the Lord immediately answered my cry.

First, He sent me His Word (the Bible my husband had left behind), which guided and comforted me. And what He showed me is now what is written and documented in our books and videos. And now He's answered your cry too, by finding RMI and everything we offer.

Then, about a year later, a year into my Restoration Journey, once I had a strong foundation of the truth and a close and intimate relationship with the Lord—that's when—He brought a very special friend into my life who I found out was living through a similar situation I was in! Sue and I became our ministry's first ePartners—an Encouragement Partner to travel with me along the remainder of my Restoration Journey!! Though I was looking for someone to encourage me, which ultimately Sue did, with the intimate relationship I had with my HH, He wanted me to be there to encourager Sue, then later, many many more women!

Before explaining, let me back up to explain why it's important that we invest our time to seek God to find and encourage other women.

After I'd experienced one disaster after another by listening to so many different people and even those who claimed to be experts. People who wanted to tell me what to do, including going to a certified Christian marriage counselor, which convinced me that I would never ever go to another counselor, ever and be open about telling other women to stay away too! Like many, many, many women who fill out our Marriage Encouragement Questionnaire, my husband and I had tried counseling early on in our marriage—and each time we experienced even MORE destruction that weakened our relationship!! Why? Well to start, none of the counselors we found had experienced a restored marriage themselves, so no wonder they told me so many things that made everything much, much worse!! Sadly, I had to find out the hard way that a "licensed" counselor, people we paid who were giving me advice had never even applied most of the same advice to his or her own life or marriage and as I said, none had a restored marriage! I shutter to thing of how many times I made the horrible mistake of following other people's advice that eventually made my life and marriage worse?!?! And that most women are still doing the same thing! This is why you learning the truth, and having a heart to help other women, is so very important.

Also, I didn't need someone telling me things that I later found were based on psychology and often, they are destructive methods and have sprinkled Christianity and taken scriptures out of context to prove their theories, which have been proven to be false. Even when the person was a Christian Counselor or a pastor I got the same answers that made my marriage worse. That's when I knew I needed the truth from the Word of God and hear what direction to take directly from Him so I wouldn’t keep going around and around falling into one ditch after another!

This is important to note. Even though you have learned His Word, you (and no one else) is able to direct anyone else along their Restoration Journey. As an ePartner you need to encourage other women, family members, anyone you meet to simply tell God they want a relationship with His Son, in order for HIM to guide them along their journey—to answer the many questions, concerns and calm their fears.

I was shocked when I needed help that, not only were counselors telling me things that were destroying me, but I went to some of the best preachers in our area who completely discouraged me and told me things that were completely contrary to what the Bible says. I first went to my own pastor who had no clue how to help me even though, soon after our meeting, I heard he was heading up ALL the churches of our entire state! This well-respected and admired pastor simply sat there in shock that I had any desire at all to even “want” my marriage restored after I shared my situation with him!! And his advice, which I took but quickly regretted, was to join the singles group at our church—and he knew I was still legally married!!

Why didn't this man of God encourage them to speak directly to Him? Why didn't He explain that I was His bride?

After the fiasco and shock of attending just one singles group meeting (when I was approached by at least a half a dozen men, ugh!), it took a full year of traveling along my Restoration Journey alone, for me to really come to the place to feel the need to find someone who did not think I was crazy, but I trusted no one. And the reason He waited so long was that I had also come to the point of wanting to help other women!  

So I was very careful because I had finally come to the point of recovering from so much bad and destructive advice and I simply couldn’t emotionally afford having anyone else make my situation any worse than it already was. It was then that I cried out to God for someone, just one woman, who didn't think I was crazy!! And He did!

Question: I'd like an ePartner now to help with my Restoration Journey.

Can you give me an ePartner?

Don’t trust anyone but God to show you your ePartner. Be sure you read the ePartner page and listen to the testimonies to hear how amazingly He wants to show you your ePartner!

Matthew 7:13-14— “Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide, and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter by it. For the gate is small, and the way is narrow that leads to life, and few are those who find it.”

So many women look to their friends and groups that openly talk about their relationships, which is the broad and wide gate that leads to destruction. Choosing the narrow gate means a Restoration Journey traveling alone with and getting to know your Heavenly Husband. It's what will heal you while ultimately preparing for your restoration because you'll need your HH even more after your marriage is restored. 🙂

Now that you're one of the few who found the narrow gate, the way to find your ePartner is to ask God to show you who she is in order for you to encourage each other. At almost the exact same time, both Sue and I ask God for someone to encourage. After Sue's marriage was restored, she continued encouraging individual women she met or knew, which is what He was calling her to do. For me, as you know, He called me to begin helping more and more women like you! Who knows, maybe He's calling you to have your own ministry. Whether it's big or small, in your community or online—there are millions of women who are being abandoned and cheated on every day. Women who are then being told destructive methods, more poisonous lies and solutions, that make their marriage worse.

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Please read Erin’s story:

A Friend Named Sue
Article written for Guidepost magazine
by Erin Thiele

It had been a wonderful anniversary dinner. The other couple and we had so much in common. I relived the evening not wanting to wake up. I couldn’t remember being so happy.

I slid my foot across the sheets to touch my husband’s foot, then I stretched my hand across the bed. I simply thought “He must have already gotten up, and so early.”

As I heard the bedroom door creak open, I saw my husband standing in the doorway clutching a small suitcase in his hand.

“Where are you going?” I asked surprised. “I’m going to Orlando” Dave* said, coldly. “And when I get back, I’ll be moving into my own apartment.” With that he turned and was gone.

The shock seemed to overtake me. My head was spinning. My faith in our marriage had been so high, what went wrong? Why the sudden change?

It had been seventeen months that I had ridden the roller coaster ride that began when I found out about the other woman. All I knew is that I wanted to get off.

During the first few months of our separation, the more I tried to do, the more I seemed to make things worse. I found myself constantly in my Bible trying to find peace and solace. It was there that I discovered the verses about the contentious woman. After reading about her, there was no doubt in my mind that I was that contentious woman that Proverbs spoke about. So why wouldn’t Dave want to leave me and live in the desert, or live in the corner of the rooftop? If I just had a little more time to change, time to regroup, but there was no time. He was already gone. I earnestly prayed for God to help me.

Almost a year later, when Dave was still gone, is when I really began to panic. I decided to help God along. I devised a plan and told God about it. I told Him that all I would have to do is get pregnant during Dave’s Christmas visit. Dave loved children, and certainly he would come back to me then. Everything went as I planned. When he heard of my pregnancy, he moved back home. However, what I had not planned for was a miscarriage. The very day he arrived I began to lose the baby. My plan had backfired. He was home, but distant, except for the night of our anniversary. That night I was gloriously happy, hopeful.  

When I finally got up out of bed, our four children were still sleeping. I went downstairs staring out the window at the misty pasture behind our townhouse. Through my tears I pleaded, “God, You said that ‘Nothing was impossible with You’, You said that ‘if I had faith I could move mountains’, You said You would ‘never give me more than I could bear’!”

That morning as I read my Bible, I noticed different occasions when some of the Biblical characters got through some tough situations with the help of another. The apostle Paul needed help in prison, King David and Jonathan, even Jesus Himself looked for his seven apostles to accompany Him through the streets of Jerusalem. I bowed my head and prayed, “Lord, when Dave left this morning what little faith I had left too. Please send me someone, anyone, who will help me to see this situation through. Someone who doesn’t think what I am doing is crazy.”

My mind jumped back when I first began to believe that God wanted me to restore my marriage. Everyone I spoke to told me the same thing, “Erin, it’s hopeless. It’s Dave’s will to leave you. Dave’s happy. Just move on with your life.” Some even gave me suggestions to get his attention. All had ended in disaster. But somewhere deep inside there was still a small spark of hope—maybe God will send someone to help me.

A few days later, as I was ironing, a face of a woman came into my mind. She was a woman that I had never met. She was in a women’s Bible study that I was attending. Instead of waiting for the following Wednesday morning, I called my teacher and asked for her phone number. She said her name was “Sue” and she said that she had already called for my number!

My heart was beating out of my chest as I dialed the phone. What would I say? How would I bring up the subject? When she answered, I simply asked if she would join me for dinner the next evening.

We sat across the table and I began, “Sue, I believe we are living through a similar situation in our lives.” I began to tell her how my husband had recently left me again and my prayer for someone to help me. Sue smiled, but sat quietly. I wondered whether I had made a terrible and embarrassing mistake. Then she finally spoke up. “Erin, my husband left me five years ago. He lives in another state and I believe he is living with another woman. I still believe that there’s hope but I was beginning to feel weary. Just last week my daughter got married and my husband came to the wedding. While in the receiving line he leaned over and asked me quietly for a divorce. I told him that it was hard for me to think about it right then, could we talk about it later.” It was that evening when I too prayed for someone to help me.

That evening in the restaurant we spent hours talking about all the Lord had brought us through thus far and compared notes. It was incredible the similarities in our situations. We both left that night encouraged and planned to get together the following week at a local fast food restaurant.

From that night we met together every Friday evening and it was the highlight of my week. We brought all the Bibles each of us owned, and poured over the Scriptures to find the answers for all of our problems and our many questions.

About a month of Fridays passed when Dave called to tell me he was coming over on Friday rather than his usual Saturday. It caught me off-guard and my heart sank. Spending time with Sue and our Bibles brought me the only peace for each week. When I didn’t answer immediately, then stammered, “Oh, okay” it made Dave suspicious.  

Normally after the children were in bed Dave was quick to exit and get back to the woman he was living with. But on this night, instead of leaving he turned to confront me saying that he knew I was seeing someone! That was why I hesitated when he wanted to come on Friday night. He told me that I didn’t even look the same—that my face was glowing. Dave said he could see I was in love.

It took me a while to say anything, which led to him never truly believing my explanation. The “love” he saw was not for any person, but for the Lord, whom Sue and I both turned to for help throughout our week. We not only began to pour over the Bible, and we no longer were concerned with our husbands as we once had been. Instead we shared how real the Lord was becoming in our lives, comparing notes, and realizing the neediness was no longer there. We no longer were desperate for our husbands to return; we had found love that honestly had “cast out all fear.”  

When I finally answered, it was with a slight chuckle, “I don’t meet a man on Friday evenings” I said with a grin, “I meet a friend. Her name is Sue.” Immediately I could see jealousy, which was so odd since for months, once the truth came out about the other woman he had been involved with and were now living together, he had told me countless times to move on and even to “find someone.” If he honestly wanted me to move on and to find someone, why was he questioning me? Why didn’t he simply breathe a sigh of relief?

Laughing loudly didn’t help convince Dave I was not seeing a man. What he said that tickled me so was, “Oh sure! A man named Sue you mean!!”—Referring, of course, to the country western song.

Five months after Sue and my first meeting, she called me on a Friday afternoon. “Erin, I won’t be able to meet with you tonight.” My heart dropped. Then she said, “Erin, my husband has come back!” My excitement at those words was indescribable! We had become so close as friends that it was as if it had happened to me.

The following week I actually met Sue’s husband briefly at a conference she and I had planned on attending together. Most of the time during the meetings my mind wandered as I watched the two of them sitting together, holding hands – happy. After the meeting they approached me and I met Sue’s husband for the first time. Looking at me with an intense stare he said, “Erin, I want to tell you that even though your husband says he doesn’t love you anymore, he does. And if you are treating him even half as kindly as Sue was treating me, with love, even though I treated her horribly; then he’ll be back. Don’t give up.”

Seeing Sue’s miracle, coupled with her husband’s words of encouragement, carried me through some of my darkest hours. Just months after Sue and I met for the last time, my husband divorced me a week after the conference.  

Though it seemed long at the time, it was only five months from Sue’s miracle when I received another unexpected phone call, this time, very late at night. It was Dave and I could tell he was calling from an outdoor payphone because there were traffic noises. Dave said “Erin, if you meant what you said about forgiving me. If you do still love me and you still want me to come home, I’ll come home tomorrow morning.”  

As I hung up the phone, I looked up toward heaven, “Thank you Lord for not leaving me nor forsaking me. Thank you for bringing my husband home—and Lord—thank you for sending me my friend named Sue.”

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The Role of an ePartner

As I said, it was about a year along my Restoration Journey to restore my marriage that I found my ePartner Sue. I had so much opposition by this point, and had never even heard of even ONE marriage that had been restored. And as I also said, the reason for the Lord having me wait a year was so I could find all the principles in His Word—which you are now given immediately along with books filled with restored marriages! AND even more importantly—to make sure that my relationship with Him was first, so I wouldn't make the mistake of being more connected to anyone else (like an ePartner) or foolishly expect her to guide me (or me thinking I could guide her).

Let me share with you how it happened for me to encourage you how supernaturally it can happen for you!

One day while in my prayer closet, after literally crying out to God, I envisioned a woman I had seen, but never met in a Bible study I had taken but had ended.

I had no idea what her name was or how to get in touch with her, but somehow I knew this was someone who understood and who the Lord was giving me as an answer to my prayer who would confirm I wasn’t crazy for believing God could do the impossible. When I asked God to confirm that I was hearing Him correctly, He led me to my old Bible study notebook where I saw the phone number of my bible study teacher. The Lord continued to lead me to call her, and when I called, I stammered trying to figure out how to ask about this woman whose name I didn't even know. I also didn't know how to explain the reason why I wanted to contact her (because by then the Lord had taught me discretion and I didn't want to tell the teacher about my marriage issues). Even without me saying anything more, my teacher interrupted me and simply said, "Her name is Sue and she has already called asking me to give you her phone number"!! The teacher said nothing more, but gave me Sue's number. I said a quick goodbye, and I hung up quickly to call Sue.

Sue and I agreed to meet for the first time at a nice, quiet restaurant, and though at first we both felt awkward, we soon opened up and shared why God brought us together. Sue said her husband had been "working" in another state for the past 5 years, coming home only every few months for a weekend visit, but she suspected early on there was another woman. Unlike the mistake I had made, Sue had wisely never confronted her EH or even asked anything about what was going on. This showed me she could be trusted and would help me stay on the narrow road I was called to travel on.  

When she finished, I shared my situation and made it a point to also “boast” about all my blunders and mistakes (read 2 Corinthians 12:9 to see this powerful principle). It felt so good to confess to someone who I knew didn't judge me, would not dole out foolish and destructive “advice” but instead, was someone who I could see understood that He could do the impossible. That night I was about to birth my own ministry, RMI. That night, we prayed together and I asked God to send me other women who also needed the encouragement we had found.

After we prayed for each other (James 5:16), we then agreed to meet every Friday evening. And as I said, I also felt led to pray that if there were any other women who needed encouragement, to please send them to me. *Little did I know that He would bring thousands of women to me, desperate for help, but I still had a lot to learn before He would send any more women into my life. What you now have available to you!!

So the very next Friday night, Sue and I began our first fellowship meeting at a fast food restaurant. For hours we would spread out our many Bible versions (KJV, New American Standard, NIV; I believe we had 8 versions of the Bible in all) and there we would pore over His Word on every crisis or trial we faced. What's so exciting is that now you have all these resources on your computer or phone where you can also pour over to search for and find any crisis or trial you or your ePartner is facing. You also have our Courses to refer to and share with other women in need of help.

We chose Friday nights, because we knew it was when many couples had a "date night" and we made a bold declaration that what we started would become a constant event once we were each restored. And that is just what happened—it became a tradition we began together and then later continued with our husbands after we were each restored—having a Friday or Saturday date night. Even my married children have carried on the tradition.

Make the same agreement with your ePartner. Begin encouraging just One other woman. Start by sharing HopeAtLast.com and tell her to fill out the Marriage Encouragement Questionnaire. Tell her to then do one lesson per day and then agree to meet once a week to share praise reports, promises and to search for answers to any particular crisis or trial either of you are facing. You can "meet" by going to each other's homes (if both of you are separated or divorced), or you can go to a fast food restaurant (if you have children) like Sue and I had. If you don't live close to one another, you can now easily "meet" with your ePartner via a video chat or Skype! There are even group video chats you can begin using Zoom.

What's important if you're serious about you both being restored is:

1. NEVER focus or discuss the negative, instead, while you're getting ready to meet, ask your HH to remind you of praises to share to uplift each other. If you can't think of any, share what you read that week on our Encourager blog.

2. NEVER gossip or share intimate details you wouldn't want your EH sharing with his friend. Instead, share about what you learned, new verses that have encouraged you or maybe a new ♥ Love Song the Lord gave you that week.

3. DON'T start meeting for a pity-party that will destroy you both. Instead determine that all crises and heartbreaks will be discussed in your own prayer closets, with your Heavenly Husband, who will comfort deeply where it hurts. Then, you will find you don't need to share it with anyone else, and you'll be free to move forward.

Each week, without fail, Sue and I would sit in a freezing, overly air-conditioned booth, confessing faults, poring over our many versions of the Bible we had spread out on the table and began living the principle of discretion.

4. NEVER ask each other the answer to anything or ask each other details. If you begin to ask each other (when neither of you knows where your individual Restoration Journey's are heading), you'll soon begin to get lost AND more than likely, He will cause you each to loath the other as it says in Psalm 88:18, “You [God] have removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness.” Psalm 88:8, “You [God] have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out.”

Sue and I also made sure to NEVER ask each other the answer to anything or ask each other details that we felt we should not reveal to each other (thus covering our husband’s nakedness see Genesis 9:22–25).  

Instead we would go to the Lord, ask Him our question, and then He would show us the answer by leading us to a passage of Scripture, then to another and another when we’d read it out loud from all the versions of the Bible—until we knew we understood the principle.

Once home, we would each fill one 3x5 card after another to read the principle over and over and over again. This routine and what we learned is what finally became How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and A Wise Woman. Now you can easily add these to your phone and carry them with you the same way—reading them over and over and over again!

The reason we met together was to seek the truth about everything we had questions about— regarding our marriages, our husbands (who were both gone), and our children. Sue had three teenage daughters, while I had four small children: 3 boys ages nine, seven, four, and a daughter who was two.

Each of you will have more questions, most are answered somewhere along your journey. Just don't miss the amazing opportunity you have to ask God and then have your HH answer you! It's so encouraging while helping you to become closer and closer to Him!

5. Confess YOUR faults, boast about them, but never reveal the sins of others or speak of others.

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man [or woman] can accomplish much"—James 5:16

2 Corinthians 12:9-11, "And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about MY weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.’” 

Proverbs 28:13, “He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion.”

After reading about a new principle each week, whenever Sue or I realized we'd messed up, we stopped to confess and then promised to pray for each other. Because of this, each week we had PRAISE to share as we each watched how He was healing, and what He promised, took place in each of our lives!

For instance, one evening we asked God to show us how to deal with an upcoming holiday, which He did. Another time we asked Him to show us how to handle when our husbands came to visit and He did. And also, how to handle when our husbands said they would come but when they didn't show up. Each Friday night we asked, He led us and we found verses to confirm what He was showing us, which led to more and more wisdom.

“Come here and listen to me! I'll pour out the spirit of wisdom upon you and make you wise”—Proverbs 1:23. When we discovered this truth, that's when we began reading a Proverb every morning to gain wisdom. Later on, when we both attended a conference we learned the need to read through all the Psalms and Proverbs each month, and we both began doing that too.

From the one truth, we then found this verse that opened our eyes...

“Do not be envious of evil men, nordesire to be with them…By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches”—Proverbs 24:1, 3–4

We knew He was telling us that it was not time for us to “desire” to be with our husbands. Instead, He wanted us to be excited about our new friendship, but much more important—to be excited about our relationship with the Lord as our Heavenly Husband. And in order to foster our most important relationship, with Him, we agreed to never call each other anytime during the week so that we would be careful to turn to the Lord and not to each other and to have our deepest conversations with Him.

Part of His wisdom we sought to know about was how to deal with was the "other woman" in our husbands' lives: one we knew existed and the other one we weren't sure, but suspected. Each and every question we had we took to Him. The verses we found during our first few weeks together now make up Chapter 14 "First to Throw a Stone" in the Restore Your Marriage book.

Over the course of just one summer, the Lord supernaturally, lovingly and patiently showed us one new verse after another in the Bible, which we knew to embrace and meditate on as the truth and therefore we were able to follow each principle in faith. And each time we did, we began to see our restorations improving!!

We began meeting every Friday evening in the month of May and by September, less than 4 months later, Sue's marriage was actually RESTORED! I would never have believed it was possible had I not been part of it and had seen it with my own eyes!! After living in another state for five years, who we suspected (and once he was home found out) was living with another woman—Sue’s husband returned home and became faithful to her alone!! This same man, the same one who everyone said would never come back, what they said was impossible— returned home. AND, not only did he return home, but they have lived happily ever after for years and years and years.

The Lord gave me an opportunity to see Sue and her husband together a few weeks after they were restored, and he took the opportunity to encourage me. He said, “Erin, I want to tell you that even though your husband says he doesn’t love you anymore, he does. And if you are treating him even half as kindly as Sue was treating me, with love, even though I treated her horribly; then he’ll be back. Don’t give up.”

It was shortly after Sue's marriage was restored when God began bringing other women into my life— desperate for help and encouragement. And, due to the success of my relationship with Sue and how we did things, I began sharing the same things with them.