Since my restoration in August, these past few months have been so difficult. I have failed so many times. I have felt like the cartoons where the devil is on one shoulder and an angel on the other fighting for my mind. I happened to be downloading something to my EH’s phone once and noticed him and the OW had messaged each other.
I didn’t keep this to myself. I became angry and was almost going to go backwards and was becoming contentious again. The difference is this time I keep repenting and running back to my Beloved and not running away ashamed or guilty this time (as I had done years ago). He has forgiven me time and time again and reminds me since He forgives me, I need to forgive others. Love, forgiveness, and trust in Him is what I think he’s been trying to teach me these past few months. I have had to forgive my EH so many times since our restoration in August.
I noticed days where I was turning bitter, wondering if I pushed my husband into coming home. As soon as I ask my Beloved for forgiveness and to help me forgive, I can just feel the weight lifted, a calmness, and peace. It’s amazing. He is still working on me and not leaving me. The past week I have made a commitment not to snoop!
I have been so much more relaxed trusting in Him.
Dear hopedarling, thank you for sharing, I later felt how was I the only one failing so many times. It would be so terrible if we didn’t have our Beloved to run to, because in Him we must put our trust.
Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
If I worry I feels so stressed and the moment I give over to our Beloved, I just feel so relaxed and laugh at myself for putting myself through unnecessary stress that our Beloved is more than able to handle.
Ephesians 3:20
God is able to do far more than we could ever ask for or imagine. He does everything by his power that is working in us.