I am posting this question that we received anonymously. And as I always share with these anonymous posts, the reason I share these questions we are asked is because there could be a women out there who is hurting needing encouragement and has the same questions desperately looking for answers. God’s word also says that we must not withhold.
“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor, Come back tomorrow and I’ll give it.” Prov 3:27-35
Hello,
I have a question I’ve been following you guys for like 3 years . My husband has now returned home . He was with the OW for 3 years but he has been home since June 26,2023 since then I feel a disconnect I still love my husband but he has been sleeping on the couch down stairs and I’ve been up stairs . I’m having a hard time because I’m being patient and understanding that he was with someone for three years . I try not to keep bringing it up to him because he feels like I’m forcing him and I’m not . I’m just trying to get an understanding of his intentions at first when he came back since she was the one to end the relationship he has been speaking nothing but negative about this woman how he was miserable and not attracted to her . But now he’s saying how he wasn’t miserable and there is still feelings on both sides. He says he having a hard time adjusting and he wants me to be patient. I’m utilizing the transformation God has done in me but I’m still a woman and I hurt and have feelings I haven’t been intimate or physical with my husband in 3 years and now that he’s back I’m still neglected like I was before we separated it’s like history is repeating itself . I told God if my husband comes back I wasn’t going to put him out again and I was going to do things differently. I just don’t want this man coming back hurting me and my kids . Things are going through my head like he will feel like we not attracted to each other or don’t have anything in common anymore but he’s not putting in an effort I feel like we are roommates . He says give him time but it was faster for him to move on after 10 years of marriage he committed himself to a relationship a month and half after separation but he’s pushing me away and it’s taking him longer for us to work on our marriage . What do I need to do ?
If you have anything encouraging to share with this Bride please be sure to add it in the comments.
If you have a praise to share or an answer to prayer please be sure to post your praise. We love to hear and praise with you \o/
I feel for you, Sister in Christ. My name is Koleti Iakopo and I have been separated from my husband for nearly two years. We have six children with a family of their own and eight grandchildren. I haven’t seen him (EH) for almost a year, but last Saturday (12/8/23), he called me to meet with him at one of my daughter’s places. I went and we talked while my daughter and her family were around. He told me that everything about him and the OW is not on good terms. He wants to move back home, but there is something that he has to do (paying back all the money the OW spent on him). While he was talking and telling me all these things, I felt the Lord was holding me closer to His heart. I did not say a word, I was just smiling and showing him my love because God is working in him.
I just want to encourage you, my Sister to first thank our Lord for bringing your husband back into your life. As He said in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. We can’t change our husband’s hearts, only Jesus as Proverbs 21 verse 1 declared, the King’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water he turneth it whithersoever he will. There is nothing too hard with God, all things are possible. Maybe God is not finished with you, I believed He wants you to spend more time with Him, in your secret place with Him. He will move in your situation while you sitting at His feet.
I want to share more of where I am now. In my journey with God, I have only asked Him to let His will be done in my EH life and my life. I stand firm in His Word and what He promised what He will and can do for me and my family. Once again Sister, surrender your husband and situation to God. Show your Husband that there is God in you.
That’s all I have to say. Hopefully, my encouragement will bless your heart. God bless.
Dear Bride,
Please first praise God for bringing your EH home! It doesn’t matter how or why he came back but praise God that he did. Second, please stop asking him questions about the OW and the situation. It only brings up negative feelings on your part and then reminds your EH of the OW. Next, please take all your pain and hurting to the Lord only. He is the Only One who can help heal your broken heart. Now is the time to focus on your relationship with Him. You should also continue to focus on the resources that RMI provides to help nourish your soul. I am begging you to please let His Word wash you and make you new. You do not want to undo all that the Lord has done. Live by faith and not by sight.
“For we live by believing and not by seeing.”
2 Corinthians 5:7 NLT
I know this is not easy, but I have been where you are. My EH was gone 2 1/2 years and living with the OW. He came and went about 6 times in those years. Divorce was spoken about and multiple children were involved. I was able to love him all due to my love for the Lord. We have been restored for about one year and have been blessed tremendously. But there have also been extremely hard times because the Evil One doesn’t want our marriage to stay intact. But praise God that I have learned to seek Him in all I do and will continue to practice all the principles I’ve learned from this ministry for the rest of my life. He told us that this will not be easy, but He has overcome the world.
“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.””
John 16:33 NLT
Be encouraged! 🙂
Mi esposo se ha ido tres veces, ahora mismo esta fuera de casa, ya me ha puesto la demanda de divorcio por 3 ocasiones, no he puesto abogado, es tan difícil la situación, lo más raro de mi esposo es que cuando se va de la casa esta más pendiente de los niños y conmigo es cariñoso, pero no quiere que nos vean en público, me siento como si yo fuera ahora su amante. Es normal que me sienta así.
My husband has left three times, right now he is away from home, he has already filed for divorce 3 times, I have not put a lawyer, the situation is so difficult, the strangest thing about my husband is that when he leaves the house he is more aware of the children and with me he is affectionate, But he doesn’t want us to be seen in public, I feel like I’m his lover now. It’s normal for me to feel this way.
I too have felt the same way. Dear bride it is important that you take your eyes off what you are seeing. Remember this is a spiritual battle.
“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.”
Ephesians 6:12 NLT
The more time that you spend with your Heavenly Husband in your prayer closet, the stronger your relationship with the Lord will be. This in turn will cause your earthly husband’s heart to turn back once you have put the Lord first in your heart and let go of your EH.
“The king’s heart is like a stream of water directed by the Lord; he guides it wherever he pleases.”
Proverbs 21:1 NLT
Each and every time my EH left, I would run back to my HH and He made me stronger and feel more loved. It has helped me overcome so many struggles. It is now helping me to go through current obstacles. Our relationship with the Lord is the only way to get through this journey of life.
Yes praise the Lord your EH is home! Have you watched Erin’s videos in the free courses? I encourage you to watch them again if you have already. When EH comes home, the trials are still there but the Lord has equipped you to overcome. I remember she spoke about when it’s God’s doing, it will stay permanent. It’s our nature instinct not to wait but we simply cannot rush God. It has to be His timing. So rest in Him and wait for Him to complete the work. Remember only HE can turn hearts. When feeling overwhelmed, run to the Lord!
Praise to the Lord that your husband is finally home and I’m glad to hear you have told Him that you will not kick your husband out if he returns.
It was not easy to remain silent when my husband returned. I had to run to the Lord quite often and sometimes multiple times a day. The first few weeks my EH came home he told me he wanted to be “a good person” and keep his word to the OW. He told the OW he would still have us drive her to work until she found transportation. As you can imagine how hard that was to pick her up! Sometimes I would slip and say something. Like “Is she ever going to find her own way” but I would repent and ask the Lord for forgiveness and for strength to endure.
I assume you have read the RYM book? Some of the principles that helped me are:
Run to God first and cry to Him!
Love the Unlovable – Right now concentrate on loving the unlovable. When you love and respect your husband, even when he is unlovable, unkind, and in sin, you are showing him unconditional love. “For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gatherers do the same?” (M5:46). Give God your hurts. He will help you love your husband if you just ask Him.
Be Content- God wants us to learn contentment before He’ll change our husbands. Paul says, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Ph4:13). You will stay in difficulty until you have learned contentment in it. It took me longer than it should have. If I would have just ran to my Beloved first!
Fast-The greatest way to free a husband who is in bondage to sin is to fast and pray for him. “Is this not the fast which I choose, to loosen the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, and to let the oppressed go free, and break every yoke?” (I58:6). In my situation when I did fast, it often seemed that God blessed me that same day with an answered prayer.
The other way is to overcome the evil by doing good! “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (R12:21).
Be prepared; Satan will try to bring up old transgressions in your mind even after you have forgiven. When he does you must forgive again. Many women, whose husbands have been unfaithful to them even after their husbands have returned home, have experienced “flashbacks,” almost like “spiritual” war trauma. They say they must continually, sometimes daily, forgive.
My dearest bride I would also like to also encourage you to renew your mind with the principles from a Wise Woman especially ‘won without a word’ and many others.
When an eh comes home that is when we need our HH even more to run to and cling to DUE to the fact that your HH has not turned his heart. Your eh heart will only be turned back to you once you make your HH 1st. HE knows when you are focused on your eh and your heart is not HIS. Once HE is 1st you will notice how things will change and how your eh’s heart turned back to you.
“Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.” Rev 2:4
The most important thing is to live as His bride, as His bride you be free of hurt and pain https://loveatlast.org/his-bride/
Ladies thank you so much for sharing with this dear bride i thank you for not withholding your encouragement which l will pass on by sharing this link with her. Im grateful that my Husband has led me to wait to post my encouragement which means that she gets to hear all this wonderful encouragement from you 💖
Thank you Hope for the encouragement EH asked me to come back home after 8months of separation it has not been easy to remain silent but God has been faithful am always running to him a lot of times in a day sometimes I feel am going to bust with the thoughts of the past and everything he did to me. And have been asking God what I need to do and finally I have found the answer here asking for forgiveness all the time 🙏 it’s not just the bride who asked a question you have helped. Thank you ladies may our husbands name be praised and be lifted higher and higher 🙏🙏🙏
Dear bride,
Have been in your position of wanting things to happen in a hurry immediately I saw some changes in EH and I was always hitting a rock I just want to encourage you to be patient remember God is never late is always on time . Isaiah 60: 1 when things take time is actually telling you to wait on him for he is still working on your EH and also you.
Thank you so much Alyzia for your comment its good to know that what the Lord has shown us to post these questions anonymously IS HELPING other brides like you!! \o/