—Chapter 2

If you are like so many who want to experience restoration in their lives or in the lives of loved-ones, you must not only trust that only God can restore, but you must also obey His Word. When you read this book, it might help you to remember that the book you are reading was written by someone who was desperate—desperate to follow God’s Word no matter what!! How about you? Are you willing to follow God’s Word, no matter what it costs? No matter how much it is outside your comfort zone? The question you must ask yourself is “How desperate am I or how important is this restoration in my life and in the lives of those who need it?”

Receive anything. If you don’t obey God with zealous obedience, it says you should expect nothing from God because He is clear that you are double-minded. “For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways” (James 1:7–8). “I hate those who are double-minded, but I love Your law” (Ps. 119:113).

Faith by my works. If you say you have the faith to trust God for restoration, then act on it. “What use is it, my brethren, if someone says he has faith, but he has no works? Can that faith save him? . . . But someone may well say, ‘You have faith, and I have works; show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works’” (James 2:14, 18). There are so many testimonies of those who chose to “believe” instead of obeying. Every one of them is still “believing” for their restoration, but unfortunately, they are still not restored!

Tear it out and throw it from you. Again, how important is your desire to witness an impossible restoration? Are you desperate enough to do whatever it takes? If you don’t believe God calls us to that kind of obedience, look at what Jesus said in Matthew 5:29–30: “If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out, and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.”

Throughout the entire fifth chapter of Matthew, Jesus calls us to higher obedience than what had been written in the Old Testament. Read it to get motivated to the point that you obey like a fanatic. If what you are doing right now does not seem crazy to others, you need to become more radical in your commitment to the Lord and in your obedience to Him and His Word, because, Beloved, that’s what it takes!

We all must be like Peter in our obedience. Each time he was asked to do something, like allowing Jesus to wash his feet, he went overboard! He even went overboard when Jesus asked him to get out of the boat. He was the only one who followed Jesus with such a zealous commitment. Even so, Jesus rebuked Peter for his lack of faith (Matt. 14:31). Are you lukewarm? “So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth” (Rev. 3:16).

Trust and believe that God is able and wants to restore and rebuild you, first, then complete the restoration for the sake of your family. If you are seeking restoration for a hopeless marriage, let me be right upfront with you—God does not and did not bring a second husband or wife unless the first spouse has died. He never thinks the couple married the wrong person. His Word says everything clearly without any need for a manmade “interpretation.” God says, “For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning her husband. So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man” (Rom. 7:2–3). For men seeking someone new “…if any man be above reproach, the husband of ONE wife, having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion.” Titus 1:6.

With ever remarriage, not only does God call it adultery as you have just read, but you should also know that a second marriage has less than a 20 percent chance of survival! This means the couple in a second marriage has an 8 out of 10 chance of going through another painful divorce! Then, as is so common, it’s on to numbers three and four. For the sake of everyone involved it’s time that couples stop thinking divorce and remarriage is the solution to unhappiness. There is a better way!

Instead, we need to encourage people struggling to, “Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the Lord” (Ps. 27:14; see also Isa. 35:4). “O give us help against the adversary, for deliverance by man is in vain. Through God we shall do valiantly, and it is He who will tread down our adversaries” (Ps. 60:11). See also Psalm 108:12, and please read “For I Hate Divorce” in our Wise Woman book and for men, (Please read our RYM book chapter 11, “Cleave to His Wife” for more knowledge). Also, read our book Facing Divorce for more knowledge. Visit one of our websites (found in the beginning and end of this book) for all of our books and free courses.

Don’t run to get help from anyone else. When in doubt—Run to God—search His Word for your answers. “. . . Seek and you will find . . .” (Matt. 7:7, Luke 11:9). “He is the Mighty Counselor” (Isa. 9:6). “Do not walk in the counsel of the ungodly” (Ps. 1:1). And please save yourself a lot of hurt and confusion—don’t tell anyone about what you hope or uncover the sins of someone else. “May a slanderer not be established in the earth” (Ps. 140:11).

“For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matt. 12:37). “A slanderer separates intimate friends” (Prov. 16:28; see also Prov. 17:9.) Confessing your own sins is very different from revealing someone else’s. It also brings about its own curse. “. . . Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside . . . So he said, Cursed be Canaan” (Gen. 9:22–25).

To get started towards the restoration you are trusting God for (whether that be with a family member or coworker––whomever you are seeking restoration for), instead of suggesting they join a support group (and for heaven’s sake everyone should stay away from singles groups!!), we strongly suggest that you pray and ask the Lord for just one other person who will walk through this with you. Make sure it’s male with a male and female with a female.

*However, during my restorations, all I had was the Lord and He is all I prefer having. So, all you need is the Lord! Having the Lord only is truthfully the best and will move your restoration along much faster. When I have paired with anyone—it was the minister and encourage them—you can easily do the same as I am no one special.

Stop all arguing! This one principle will be a deciding factor as to whether any relationship will be restored. There are so many Scriptures on this topic, pages and pages I could type out for you. Here are just a few: “Agree with your adversary quickly!” (Matt. 5:25, KJV). “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1). “The beginning of strife is like letting out of water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out” (Prov. 17:14). “Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise . . .” (Prov. 17:28). STOP trying to talk to the other person or persons involved. Just be quiet, and if you must say something, be sure as I explained in my testimony, to ask Him to give you something kind and positive to say! It says “seek and you shall find” so seek and watch for, listen for, any and all positive, encouraging statements or stories to pass along. Very often He will remind you of pleasant memories from the past you can share that can help restore those good times with those who need restoration.

“Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel” (Prov. 20:3). And, “He who separates himself seeks his own desire, he quarrels against all sound wisdom” (Prov. 18:1). “She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Prov. 31:26). Start by refusing to argue with anyone, including and especially your husband, your child, your mother, your sister or your boss—instead, agree and watch each one of your relationships immediately improve! Even if what they say is unkind about you—agree!! Each time you try to defend yourself or defend someone else, rather than simply swallowing your pride and agreeing or allowing the Lord to defend you or the other person, you are encouraging further division—a popular scheme of the enemy.

Once you live this principle yourself, then you’ll be surprised how God could have you bring it up with the people involved—not to use as a roundabout way of telling them how to act—but simply an opportunity to “brag about” your own weakness to gain the power needed to be effective in the lives of others. “Most gladly therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong” (Phil. 12:9–10).

You must begin to see each person involved as God sees them. You need to first forgive everyone and anyone (even any person who may be involved with this person, like another man or woman, new husband or wife), when seeking restoration. This includes each of your family members, close friends, coworkers who may have taken the job you deserved or married your mom or dad—everyone! Once you have released each person through forgiveness, you will be ready to pray for every person God longs for them to be. Stop looking at the bad things people are doing. Replace those thoughts with asking God to show you the good this person is doing and especially the good they have done in the past.

Speak kindly and lovingly to every wayward loved-one when you have an opportunity to talk with him or her. “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Prov. 16:24). “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones” (Prov. 17:22, Prov. 18:14). You don’t have to be joyful about your relationship and its problems; just be joyful that God has them all under His control. “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Heb. 12:11). The method embraced and promoted by the world does nothing but keep arguments going and cause destruction—so why follow what is popular when God tells us what works?

Don’t listen to gossip or anyone who tries to give you bad reports about those whom you love. Love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails . . .” (1 Cor. 13:7–8). Maybe your father says he’s not involved with another woman, yet you know he is. Nevertheless, you must choose to believe him. You’re not being stupid or naive; you are expressing unconditional or God’s love that “believes all things.” This goes for your mother as well. Why choose to believe something that hurts? Why try to make them confess? When you do the sin comes out of the closet and instantly the sin will be flaunted in front of your face and exposed to the world. Let them hide their sin that they should be ashamed of until it’s repented of.

So often we find that it is someone in our family or one of our closest friends who try to persuade us to do what is contrary to God’s Word, those who are ignorant to His principles. This is why you must separate yourself from those who attempt to lead you astray from God’s plan (by feeding your flesh and emotions). Sometimes just saying nothing more about it will stop you from being around them.

However, if you’ve said too much, then it would be wise to, “Leave the presence of a fool or you will not discern words of knowledge” (Prov. 14:7). “He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip” (Prov. 20:19). If you slander (speak behind people’s backs) those in your life whom you want to see restoration, others will slander them also, so just keep quiet about what is going on! “Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy . . .” (Ps. 101:5). Therefore, once again, keep quiet about these issues in your life and share them only with the Lord—this will advance you further along your restoration journey more than you could ever imagine.

If you are getting too much pressure and advice from others, it is likely due to you sharing the details with others rather than telling them to the Lord in your prayer closet. Too much advice or pressure, which is contrary to the will and the Word of God, will once again, lead to double or triple the heartache and become so difficult you will want to give up! Ultimately it will arouse self-pity or self-righteousness or anger in you, which will lead to you doing something that will make your situation worse! These emotions are of the flesh and will war against your spirit. God says in Galatians 5:17, “For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.”

Listening, discussing, or seeking counsel for your desired restoration will also bring in confusion since most Christians and trained counselors do not really know the Word of God. Even pastors may advise you to do something that is contrary to God’s Word! Unless they have “walked on the same water,” they may disregard or minimize God’s principles when you desperately need the entire uncompromised Word of God to save this relationship! Until I chose to follow God only, I watched as each “suggestion” from someone else (including well-known pastors) resulted in more and more destruction during my own restoration. My parents’ restoration, thankfully, was much easier because I’d told no one of my desire.

The more people who know about your desire, the more unasked for and contrary advice you will receive. In addition, you will have to deal with their options and worse, their emotions such as anger or hurt on top of your own emotions. So once again, simply remain quiet about your desires (no matter what it is) unless you find an ePartner, an encouragement partner, such as someone else who hopes to restore their parents’ marriage or another loved-one.

Do not try to find out what anyone is up to. This means making the mistake of following them or doing any kind of snooping. The more to the contrary you “see” happening the more it will undermine your faith. “Let your eyes look directly in front of you. Watch the path of your feet, and all your ways will be established” (Prov. 4:25). “Do not be afraid of sudden fear nor the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught” (Prov. 3:25–26). And again, remember—love “believes all things” (1 Cor. 13:7).

Do not, do NOT, do NOT confront others or anyone who is involved! This is exactly what the enemy wants you to do. It is a very common net that the enemy has left to destroy you and the restoration you hope for. I, like so many other women, fell into this trap by confronting the OW (other woman) when I discovered who my husband was involved with. Don’t do it! You may satisfy your flesh by talking to the other man involved with your mom or the other woman involved with your dad. But the consequences will destroy you and could also destroy the relationship you have with either or both parents. Don’t talk to the people involved, not over the phone or in-person even if another person demands you do. Don’t foolishly send or reply to any emails or texts, and by all means, never think that it’s necessary to talk because “you forgive him/her.” This is not God. It’s the devil playing on your self-righteousness.

So often we wrongly believe that we should confront others because we believe that these people “shouldn’t get away with it!” People who confront (especially those who have confronted their spouses), out of ignorance as I did, have written to tell us how much they regret it! They all have shared that it resulted in many horrible consequences! Please don’t be like Adam or Eve who went ahead and did what he and she knew she shouldn’t, especially now that you know what not to do!

There are many reasons, but the most important reason is that once sin is out in the open, trust me, it will be flaunted in front of your face, and you will lose the advantage that God has given you if He has shown you that “something” is going on. Remember, love “believes all things . . .” (1 Cor. 13:7), so believe whatever anyone has told you and leave it alone. God knows you don’t need to if you leave it in HIS hands.

You must always remember that there is a spiritual war going on. As in all wars, it is foolish and dangerous to let the enemy know what you know. No battle in the Bible was ever won by revealing inside information from the Lord! Nor does it tell us to reveal enemy movements. Instead, the Bible warns us to fight this as a spiritual war! First Timothy 1:18 says to “fight the good fight.” “We do not war according to the flesh” (2 Cor. 10:3). We are told instead to “be of sober spirit [which literally means wake up], be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Pet. 5:8).

Your loved ones are unknowingly playing into the hands of the enemy, as his slaves, to destroy their lives (first and foremost), and what has also spilled over to your life: your marriage, your children’s lives, and everyone’s future. “Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness?” (Rom. 6:16). To win this war, you must be a slave of righteousness—this means, don’t confront or challenge another person about his or her sin or what you believe (or know) is going on!! Leave it in the hands of the Lord to battle for you, while you spend your time and energy creating a deeper intimacy with the Lord, trusting Him rather than saying or doing things that you shouldn’t. Focus on kindness and walking in His love that you envelop yourself with by staying away from the battle. Remember the name of the book is how GOD will restore.

Don’t act hastily in any decision. If you are in the midst of any relationship crisis, you are not thinking clearly and you are most certainly acting on emotion rather than wisdom. “And he who makes haste with his feet errs” (Prov. 19:2). “The prudent man considers his steps” (Prov. 14:15). “There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death” (Prov. 16:25, Prov. 14:12). “Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him” (Prov. 29:20).

“The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord” (Prov. 16:33). “A wise man is cautious and turns away from evil” (Prov. 14:16). Don’t quickly run to suggest legal injunctions or set up counseling—these acts of man will destroy you and any relationship. Don’t act, instead, wait and watch Him fix everything by telling Him you trust Him to do it.

Have you gone to someone who you thought would help you with your needs, your fears, or your problems—only to have each of them let you down, make things worse, or ultimately reject you? Memorize these scriptures: “My God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in glory” (Phil. 4:19). “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, yes, wait on the Lord” (Ps. 27:13).

“When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him” (Prov. 16:7). “Strength and dignity are her clothing and she smiles at the future” (Prov. 31:25). Instead of pleading for anyone’s help, take this opportunity to thank and praise others. This is God’s way; He calls it contentment.

Did you ever encourage your mom or dad to leave or kick the other out? How many of us have known Christians who actually suggested someone “divorce” or “move out” as a solution when it’s contrary to God’s Word? If we plant bad seeds, how can we be surprised when our own spouse ends up moving out and falling into adultery, or a son or daughter gets into trouble with the law, or you’re dealing with an unplanned pregnancy due to you forcing a child to move out? Our words have more power than you realize. “But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment” (Matt. 12:36).

If there have been problems like alcohol, drugs, rebellion, pornography, or abuse, don’t add adultery or promiscuity to them, which is what forcing separation will result in! Maybe you wanted someone to leave because of the alcohol, drugs, pornography or abuse. But sons and daughters living on their own prematurely lead to many more heart-wrenching experiences than you can imagine. And married couples who are out of their homes are considered “single” even though they are not! Separation is the first step toward divorce, and divorce is a life-changing mistake. Throwing someone out of their home is often encouraged by others, even the experts, but they are not the ones who will have to deal with the after-effects of an unloving decision—love is not tough—love is patient and kind. Take a moment to read your Bible to discover the truth about tough love.

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails . . .” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Too many Christians, who are ignorant of the destruction of separation or blind to how devastating tough love can be, advise throwing people out of their own homes! It’s insane. And once again “love is not tough”! Loving someone who is unlovable is tough to do; it is not acting tough in dealing with another person. This well-known idea is one of the most destructive but widely accepted false teaching prominent in the church planted by ignorant Christians who are paying for its lies and foolishness. Tough love is exactly what everyone in the world does, so that proves it’s not God’s way.

Those who encourage separation based on 1 Corinthians 7:5 should read it carefully. The condition for separation has to be by mutual agreement between the husband and the wife and also for the purpose of fasting and prayer. This is later confirmed in 1 Corinthians 7:13 when it goes on to say, “And a woman who has [a believing or] an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away.” There, you now know the truth; therefore live the truth and save yourself undue heartache. Living the truth leads to life.

Move on. However, you must at the same time, let your dad or mom, or husband, son or daughter know that he/she is free to leave (based on 1 Cor. 7:15 and Ps. 1:1) and even happily agree to also “move on.” Not trying to hold on will often stop others from feeling the need to run, pursue a divorce, or jump into another marriage or relationship! No matter what, enthusiastically agree and eliminate the fighting that will occur the more disagreeable you are. By “moving on” (with the Lord), your life will change and soon your loved-ones will see, by your example, that it’s the desirable way to live.

But they are already divorced. It’s never too late even if a divorce has taken place. Many “remarry” their former spouses after they have divorced—I did. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Rom. 12:21). God specifically asked His prophet Hosea to remarry his wife Gomer even after she was blatantly unfaithful to him: “. . . For she is not my wife, and I am not her husband . . .” (Hos. 2:2). “Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my first husband, for it was better for me then than now’” (Hos. 2:7). “Then the Lord said to me [Hosea], ‘Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress’” (Hos. 3:1). God used the story of Hosea and Gomer to show His commitment to His own bride (the church) and His strong desire for marriage restoration, even in the most hopeless of marriages.

Don’t allow your family or children to see your pain or anger toward those with whom you would like to be restored. Do all that you can to shield your children and your family from what is going on. Sharing with them your trials and troubles or fears will only cause them to have bad feelings toward another person or even cause them to try to step in to “help.” And please stop blaming. The Lord “turns [the heart] wherever He wishes” (Prov. 21:1).

The Lord has allowed these trials in your life, your parent’s lives, your children’s lives, and your family’s lives, for a time, in order to draw you all closer to Him, to accomplish His work in all of you, and then to draw you back together again for His glory! When you are closer to Him, He can change you more into His image! “They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed” (Ps. 34:5). However, if your focus is on your troubles or your mission to restore, rather than allowing God to do it, you will find that you are full of stress and anxiety, which will in turn cause people to want to stay away from you.

Don’t allow anyone to speak badly about those you love. You must always show respect to your parents no matter what your age or theirs! “Honor your father and your mother” (Exod. 20:12, Deut. 5:16, Mark 7:10). There are so many adult children who talk and treat their parents like they were children. It’s rampant in today’s society and it sickens me. Even when my father was bedridden and unable to speak, we all respected him as if he was in control of all his faculties! We knew what my father would want or need, and we simply carried them out. The same with my mother. I honored her until she took her last breath and never thought for a split second that I should usurp her authority in any way!!

However, I learned this lesson the hard way when I made the horrible mistake of listening to one of my older brothers, just once, do something against my father’s wishes, and I lived with this decision for years to come. Thankfully I learned from it and my father forgave me. In addition, since God is so gracious and He gives us a double recompense, I was more resolute to honoring my mother when she was dying, and I had much more opposition and paid a huge price to honor her. Nevertheless, I am thankful He allowed me to go through this so I could encourage you and everyone I hear being far from “honoring” their parents.

Be careful not to choose the “easiest” road. Quick solutions often seem like the easiest road, but when you choose to give up and do it the world’s way, you’ll soon see how it ultimately makes the situation far worse. Once you act in response to your emotions, you have chosen the road to even more sadness, trials, difficulties, and heartache than you are now experiencing.

Instead, “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it” (Matt. 7:13–14). You must look for that narrow way in all your decisions, in the way you speak to everyone, and in the way you handle the trials that will come your way now and in the future. (Again, there is much more help in the book Facing Divorce and my favorite Facing Divorce, Again. Both are available as courses on our website.)

Each of us who have gone through difficult marriages, separation, divorce, and/or wayward children want to warn you against all the worldly ideas, books, or other people who will sway you to go the way of the world, which always ends in disaster! If the world is using the same method, as Believers, we know it has to be the wide road to destruction! Don’t assume anything is based on God’s Word just because it’s in a Christian book or purported by a person who calls themselves a “Christian.”

Unless a person is a true follower of Christ (the actual definition of a Christian), don’t assume they are. Being a “Christian” is only possible by following how He lived and by knowing God’s Word. If you read a verse used to prove a point or principle—look it up! Read what comes before and after the passage and look for a parallel verse to confirm this principle. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, they have heard something that tickled their ears, embraced a myth never confirmed as truth, and has passed the lie off to you as truth.

Please be careful what you read. The books whose foundation is in philosophy or those written by psychologists or marriage/family counselors can fill your mind with ideas that are not scriptural. Having a degree in one of these fields shows a foundation that is NOT based on God’s Word but is based on the sinking sand of psychology—quicksand! These widely accepted destructive ideas are contrary to God’s principles and will cause your restoration to go backward, not forward.

Dangers of “tough love” and “co-dependency.” Many of us have had to learn the hard way when we followed books that covered such topics as “tough love” and “co-dependency.” These books and ideas have hurt us (and our many restorations) tremendously. We have seen the damage that these ideas have done to our own marriages and to our families when we looked to them in our desperation. But as soon as we began to renew our mind with God’s Word, and meditated on it, we found the promise in Psalm 1:2-3 (that we would prosper in everything that we do) began to happen!! It says, “His delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prospers.”

PS123. We even when so far as to start a Telegram group based on these principles called PS123 to encourage believers to read through their Bible as a book, not just study the verses separately. Everyone has been taught to believe it will take a year to get through the Bible—not so! Maybe to study each line but to read through the Bible, even spending just an hour a day (instead of one or two television shows), you can easily listen and read along—completing the entire Bible in 66 days! I know because I’ve read through the entire Bible countless times. Even my young children have listened through the Bible while they did puzzles on the floor and when grown, have a ferocious appetite for going through the Bible (using this same method) on their own and with their spouses and children!

Look to God and to those who are “like-minded” to remain encouraged and honestly believe God for your desired restoration. Please go to the only true Counselor (God’s Word), which is free, and save your money and the relationships you hold dear from destruction. God wants you to Himself first and foremost! So stay away from the “professionals.” Every professional has his or her ways and beliefs. There are thousands of “Christian” and secular marriage/family counselors and books about the problems you’re dealing. If they knew all the answers, why is there an epidemic of divorces, teen pregnancies and suicide, even in the church?! Their failure rate is due entirely to their foundation, which is primarily psychology, which is a religion in itself and was founded to destroy Christianity. (For more information, read the book The Seduction of Christianity by Dave Hunt.)

Where do you begin? What should you do? Begin to move your own life, your house onto the Rock. “Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts upon them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded upon the rock” (Matt. 7:24–25). “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands” (Prov. 14:1). “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches” (Prov. 24:3–4). Get A Wise Woman and go through it yourself and then with a friend.

Care for them, comfort them, minister to them. Begin living as a Wise Woman before judging or trying to change the people around you. From there, He will show you (point out, illuminate) marriages He plans to restore—and let you have a front-row seat by “ministering” to them. Ministering simply means caring for them, comforting them, and also ministering the balm of His truth into their lives—into their hearts and souls. For more help and in order to gain the confidence if you are serious about “ministering” simply caring for people in your life in a powerful way, go to RMIOU.com. Our online university is entirely free, was built years ago to teach, train and encourage all Believers to be ministers GOD’S way—by relying on HIM and entirely on His Word—that is readily available to everyone.

Praise God in all things. “Let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name” (Heb. 13:15). “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!” (Phil. 4:4). Write down each and every good thing that happens and read them to encourage you each time things seem to be going in the wrong direction. Begin a Quick Start, Fast Track Ministry based on PRAISE. Our VNM “Voice Note Ministries” is something everyone can set up in minutes and start with just ONE person you know needs encouragement to wake up to! You’ll find more about this on EncourageWomen.ORG/VNM just have a look and ask Him if this is for you.

Take every thought captive. “We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5). Don’t think about each “what if” scenario if it’s negative. Instead, take that thought captive and cast every negative through down, replacing it with good thoughts. Ask Him to remind you of good things and then pass these good thoughts onto someone else. And should you tell yourself that it couldn’t get any worse (which usually leads to you making a hasty or foolish decision), take time to think of how things could be worse. All my life I have asked Him to remind me of people who had it much, much worse than I had it. When I lost custody, He reminded me of my dearest friend whose son was killed in a drunk driving accident. Be honest, we all know many worse situations than our own no matter how bad things are, so be real with yourself and think of these so that you can be grateful that God has spared you the sort of heartaches that other mothers or wives or daughters or women have had to face.

Never make decisions based on emotions—especially fear. “When I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials, and the rest of the people: ‘Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses’” (Neh. 4:14). “Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all . . . a woman who fears the Lord she shall be praised” (Prov. 31:29–30). God tells us to “‘Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; and do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Husband is your Maker, Whose name is the LORD of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth. For the LORD has called you, Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, Even like a wife of one's youth when she is rejected,’ Says your God” (Isa. 54:4–6). Being Fear-Guided will ultimately push you off course while being faith guided, trusting HIM along, will mean Him leading you, going before you. “I will go before you, and make the crooked path straight: I will break in pieces the gates of bronze, and cut asunder the bars of iron: And I will give you the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the LORD, who call you by your name, am the God of Israel.” Isaiah 45:2). "But you will not go out in haste, Nor will you go as fugitives; For the Lord will go before you, And the God of Israel will be your rear guard" (Isaiah 52:12).

Begin to fight back by renewing your mind. Once you know the truth—what the Bible says instead of what everyone else tells you—then you can look down at your situation like God does, from above. Once again, it’s vital to learn the principles that God has set up for women. Get A Wise Woman and work through it with a friend or simply go to HopeAtLast.com/C1 and read the chapters and journal together. Get a “Bible Promise Book” from your local Christian bookstore (very inexpensive) and put it in your bathroom or better yet, build your own on your phone! Each time you hear or read an encouraging scripture, copy it into your Promise Book. It can be simply a note on your phone, built by categories like all the passages He talks about fear. Save those that touch your heart—then be sure to pass that promise onto just ONE other woman or family member—just ask Him who needs that truth sown into their heart. Many women have used a bathroom for privacy as their prayer closet—especially when they have had children or a husband in the home—but also when you are at work or in another public place. Go there or ask Him for another place of refuge, like your car—anywhere you can pore over His promises to you. Be sure to also listen to His Word pour over you. Most phones will read or speak anything written. Find out how to do this now so you are familiar with this way of both reading and listening. You can find out more on PS123.

Years ago, long before we each carried a phone with us, we suggested getting 3x5 cards or index cards and writing down different Bible verses that we used to renew our minds, to fight in the Spirit (the sword of the Spirit is the Word of God), and also to run to when we were experiencing an attack of fear, doubt, or lies since we knew the battle was in our mind, which affects our emotions. The same is true today for you! If you do use this method, rather than building these on your phone and ultimately creating your own Promise Book—be sure to always keep these promise cards with you and read them over and over again. Countless women have written me about this suggestion, and it is often mentioned in Restored Marriage Testimonies because this is what will change your life and these women say it change their lives and their situations. Each truth began to cause them to believe for all the good things in God’s Word and His promises, over each and every destruction that they were experiencing.

Stop talking about problems—instead, be quiet and listen to God. When you open your mouth, speak about all the good He is doing and watch your blessings multiply rather than your problems! Read His Word and feast on it. Believe Psalm 1 and take it as His promise to you: “His delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prospers.”

Begin your own PS123 group as a text group or on another social media program. You’ll be surprised how this is a type of insurance when you are unable to stay encouraged—those who you encouraged will encourage you and carry you when/should that happen. Just like the man who was lowered down through the roof in order to be healed. It was the faith of the four who carried him! (Read Luke 5:17-39, Mark 2:4-12 to fully enjoy this story!)

Practically speaking, if you read and reread this ONE book to the point of wearing it out (since it is filled with Scripture) and take the time to make 3x5 cards with the Scriptures you need or copy your favorite verses to your phone, you can’t help but meditate on His Word. Almost every woman I have met who has a restored relationship did both of these things.

No situation is too far gone! “With men this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible” (Matt. 19:26). Again, remember that it is not true that two people, together, must want the relationship restored, and again that you need to seek “professional” or the help of a pastor to change a relationship—because as stated before, this will lead you off the path to true restoration God alone wants to accomplish in your life and the life of the couple/or individual. We have seen the good “fruits” of the women who have asked God to turn their husbands’ hearts, their sons’ or daughters’ hearts and even in my case to turn both my parents’ hearts to what He put in my heart—because God is faithful. God is a God who loves to restore—so simply agree with Him—trust HIM and witness what He is about to do. Having this book in your hands is a Divine Appointment whereby He is telling you to watch and witness what He plans to do.

“‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare [wellbeing, happiness, safety, prosperity, benefit] and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope’” (Jer. 29:11).

Stop looking at what the other person is doing or not doing. Most changes happen suddenly without any signs whatsoever. Instead, focus on the changes He’s making in you and go about using these changes to encourage others!

How long? Many women have asked me “how long” this “impossible” situation will linger or “how long” their trial will continue. First, by faith and renewing your mind, you can instantly get out of the crisis. Trusting everything to Him will rid you of worry—especially if you talk to Him about it and ask Him questions. To learn how to do this, go to LOVEatLAST.ORG/living-lessons. These are short testimonies and help you to see how you can live differently, abundantly. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly” (John 10:10).

It may also help to understand this as a journey. How long it takes often depends on you. As the Lord shows you an area that He is working on, work with Him. Do what He says. Don’t hesitate because that will allow time for the enemy to plant seeds of doubt and confusion. Do not become sidetracked with everyday life. The enemy is keen to have you focus on and bring in “the cares of the world” in order to choke the Word out of you. He also will bring situations, emergencies, and other crises that will divert your attention away from your destination—this desired restoration and the testimony to share with and encourage others!

Too often, our journey seems to have “stalled.” If this is where you are, just take the next step of obedience. Ask Him, “What do you want me to do?” If He says, wait or rest, do it. Should you become weary with the “wait,” do not lose heart. This is the time the Lord loves using to enhance our faith while we focus our attention on His working in our lives. All that is required is having a heart for restoration but primarily for Him.

We know and have witnessed countless times that He will work out His purposes through whatever happens even and especially when we may have made a “mistake.” This isn’t about works, but about His grace. Not what we can do but what He has done. We simply believe that He is working with people and situations and arranging circumstances for His good— for us, and with those whom we love. “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).